SARAH VINE: If Elon Musk does kill Twitter, it will be his greatest gift to us all yet! 

Depending on your point of view, Elon Musk – aka the world’s richest man and the new owner of Twitter – is either a dangerous lunatic or some sort of visionary genius.

If you’re one of the thousands of Twitter staff whose jobs are at risk, it’s likely you subscribe to the former school of thought, and understandably so.

For the rest of us, however, it’s possible he could turn out to be the latter. Maybe, who knows, even a kind of modern-day superhero.

If his recent choice of Halloween costume – Iron Man – is anything to go by, that’s certainly how Musk would seem to view himself.

Iron Man is a business magnate, playboy, inventor and maverick scientist (remind you of anyone?) who acquires his superpowers not thanks to a radioactive spider or interplanetary legacy, but via a mechanised suit of armour.

Depending on your point of view, Elon Musk – aka the world’s richest man and the new owner of Twitter – is either a dangerous lunatic or some sort of visionary genius

Musk’s belief in the power of science to answer the world’s needs (while lining his own pockets) has always been unshakeable. But the problem with Twitter is that it’s not a machine, or a rocket or a computer program – it’s something much more complex and unwieldy, and in many ways more terrifying: a giant electronic organism made up of millions of individual human minds.

That may explain why Musk, having acquired the social media platform, is proving useless at running it. For the first time in perhaps his entire career he’s having to interact meaningfully with humans, and lots of them too. Over 200 million of the blighters, in fact.

And for a man who has been open about his neurodiversity – he revealed he had Asperger’s in 2021 – that must be quite a challenge.

But the problem with Twitter is that it’s not a machine, or a rocket or a computer program – it’s something much more complex and unwieldy, and in many ways more terrifying 

Take his idea to charge $8 a month for a blue tick, or whatever it is. The network already offers a subscription for paid features, but in Musk’s head this must seem like a sensible and practical solution to the need to generate revenue.

But what he can’t understand is why people resent the thought of having to pay for a service they already enjoy, and also feel that doing so would somehow devalue the coveted blue tick status they hold so dear.

He thinks that’s an illogical response, which it is.

But it’s also a very human, emotional response, which is what he is struggling to process.

And that’s because for all his impressive IQ he has the EQ (emotional intelligence) of a garden gnome. For the same reason, he can’t see why it’s so outrageous to fire employees while they’re asleep and lock them out of their accounts. It’s just the way his brain works.

The network already offers a subscription for paid features, but in Musk’s head this must seem like a sensible and practical solution to the need to generate revenue 

But there is an irony here. Because if Musk really does end up destroying Twitter with his Iron Man approach, he could end up doing the human race a very great service indeed.

Because, let’s face it, Twitter has done more to diminish the human spirit than almost any other invention of the past 20 years. It is the intellectual equivalent of an alco-pop, a platform that encourages and rewards the worst kind of human behaviour.

It helps spread ignorance and misinformation and has, through its virtual mob-and-pitchfork culture, contributed to the narrowing of debate, the grotesque simplification of complex issues, the persecution of original writers and thinkers, the debasement of politics and the rise of a culture of intolerance that, frankly, makes the Spanish Inquisition look lenient.

There is no doubt in my mind that the world would be a better – not to mention happier, kinder and saner – place without it.

Forget sending a man to Mars. Killing Twitter could be Musk’s greatest gift to civilisation yet.

Migrant schools farce must stop

Some families in Kent have been told there are no school places left in the Canterbury and Ashford areas – because they have been allocated to migrant children. Instead, local kids are having to travel up to 25 miles for lessons. Quite apart from the inconvenience and the stress – how are they supposed to see their friends or attend after-school sports clubs? – this is just the kind of thing that turns even the most generous-minded person into a raging reactionary. 

It’s all very well for the liberal elites to condemn the Government’s efforts to stem the flow of arrivals across the Channel. But they are not the ones with hotels full of fit and healthy men in their 20s masquerading as victims on their doorsteps, or whose children are being turned into outcasts and educational migrants in their own country in order to accommodate the needs of those with no legitimate right to be here. Of course we must welcome those in need, of course we must do what we can to help. But this farce has to end.

Apparently, cheese toasties have overtaken the bacon butty as Britain’s favourite sandwich.

This seems extraordinary to me. I have always hated cheese toasties, since I have a loathing of cooked cheese in all its forms. Baked camembert, cheese fondue, even cheesy mash revolts me.

I reserve particular disdain for the parmesan crisp, which reminds me of something unspeakable to do with feet. Am I alone?

The BBC is reportedly considering a ban on the phrase ‘tax burden’ as it implies taxes are too high and should be reduced. What next, a ban on describing rain as wet?

Emily’s the genuine jewel in TV’s crown

Forget Elizabeth Debicki’s soppy mimicry of Princess Diana in the new series of The Crown. If you’re looking for a sweeping saga with a superb female lead, try Emily Blunt, left, in the BBC’s stunning new western, The English. Bursting with originality, full of surprises and visually stunning, this is one show that really is bingeworthy.

Pictured: Emily Blunt in The English

I'm still furious with Eddie Izzard for saying he switches between ‘girl mode’ and ‘boy mode’ by taking off his heels and wearing flat shoes. Apart from the stupidity of that statement, it begs the question: why would someone who so clearly appears to be a screaming misogynist even want to be a woman?

Sarah’s so brave over hair loss – I’ve been there, too

All credit to Sarah Beeny for sharing her experience of hair loss. It’s not easy facing up to the reality (or, for that matter, the unpleasant jibes on social media) of losing one’s hair as a woman.

I ‘came out’ as bald (although my hair loss is, thankfully, not cancer-related) over a decade ago, when no one talked about this sort of thing.

Since then, a lot has changed: there are women on TikTok talking about their experiences of hair loss, and the stigma I felt is much less pronounced.

As Beeny says, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, and being bald doesn’t make you any less of a woman. I wish her the very best in her recovery from cancer.

Some people have expressed consternation at the idea of Aileen Getty, an heiress to the Getty oil billions, helping to fund Just Stop Oil. But to my mind it makes perfect sense. What better way to secure your family’s oil-based fortunes by encouraging gullible eco-loons to destroy every shred of credibility and support for the green cause by throwing soup at Old Master paintings, covering everything in (oil-based) paint and blocking traffic, causing even more gas-guzzling congestion? Hypocrite?

Far from it: the woman’s clearly a genius.

Robert Lacey – whose wife was one of the maids of honour at the Queen’s coronation – has surprised some people by mounting a spirited defence of the latest series of The Crown. But then you read that Lacey is ‘historical consultant’, and everything falls into place. I know through a friend who is an agent that the starting price for such consultancies can be up to £5,000 an episode. One can only imagine the extent of Mr Lacey’s reward. Although even he, I suspect, isn’t getting as much as Prince Harry for this tawdry trashing of the Queen’s memory.