Costa Rica and Germany are out of the World Cup finals
Your daily adult tube feed all in one place!
If England were looking for even more schadenfreude, then it is available in the fact that the German player who can hold his head high after this elimination for the ages was a former Surrey primary schoolboy.
That won't be necessary though. Germany somehow managed to remove themselves from the World Cup by narrowly winning a game which they initially seemed set to win by more Spain's 7-0 margin. For half an hour or so, Jamal Musiala ran the show. And then the flaws at the heart of the German engine revealed themselves on a night of monumental drama which left this place drowning in permutations.
The stadium screen told Germany that their 1-0 half-time lead was not enough, after Japan had taken the lead against Spain, and that, taken with the mild ripple of response from a crowd which seemed to have been bought in, induced huge panic.
Germany have been sensationally dumped out of the World Cup group stage despite beating Costa Rica 4-2 on Thursday
Germany players look on from the bench as they learn of their fate following Japan's surprise victory over Spain in Group E
Second half goals from subs Kai Havertz (centre) and Niclas Fullkrug (right) could not prevent Germany from slipping out
Their efforts to get back ahead after Costa Rica twice equalised were monumental. They hit the post three times - Musiala on two of those occasions - before Kai Havertz put them ahead at 3-2 and Niclas Fullkrug added a fourth after a lengthy VAR deliberation.
But at the bottom of it all, incompetence at the back of pitch and inadequacy when it mattered at the front it is what has sent Hans Flick's side back home. The inconvenient truth for Germany is that they have lacked a world class full-back role since Philipp Lahm retired and there is a shortage of top-class centre-backs, Antonio Rudiger apart. Omitting Mats Hummels has proved a very costly error.
Though the Germans began the game looking like they would be sending Costa Rica back to Sante Fe with another 7-battering, the central Americans twice carved them apart in 12 second half minutes.
Serge Gnabry headed Germany into a deserved 10th minute lead after a glancing header from a David Raum cross
Gnabry's header was fully deserved for Germany who dominated the first-half against a defensive Costa Rica side
First, a ball into the right hand channel by Keysher Fuller for Jewison Bennette brought chaos to the German rerguard, allowing Yeltsin Tejeda to crash it home. Then, another cross induced equal penalty box panic and a scrambled finish by Johann Varga through Manuel Neuer's legs
This was not even a surprise. Costa Rica defender Fuller had an enormous opportunity with Neuer staring into the whites of his eyes before palmed the ball over the bar just before the break.
And if David Raum and Antonio Rudiger's failures to cope with that basic lumped ball wasn't bad enough, Niklas Suele swung wild foot at a ball in his own box which a competent team would have punished.
Yeltsin Tejeda though struck a shock equaliser from close range after half-time to stun the four-time world Champions
On a night when Germany had to win, the Costa Rica goal proved a huge setback inside the Al Bayt Stadium in Al Khor
But Germany's night got even worse when a scramble in the box saw the ball bounce off Manuel Neuer into his own goal
Germany were full value for their victory and three points on the night despite their World Cup exit - graphic from Sofascore
Uncharacteristic teutonic imprecision you might say. The choice of cumbersome centre-back Suele at right-back had already come back to bite Germany at this tournament, when Japan's Takumi Minamino skipped in behind him to score.
Before Costa Rica's two goals came and the roof of Germany's world fell, Musiala's cool trickery and sheer athleticism had the Costa Ricans chasing his shadows and left them looking utterly ridiculous.
But Germany could not translate this into anything enough to preserve them from what followed. Germany found a lead came from a Serge Gnabry header but Thomas Muller somehow directed a header wide from a cross which served up the chance on a silver platter. Muller had a lifetime to get the angles lined up as the ball sailed to him in free space. There were gasps when he sent the effort wide.
Kai Havertz was brought on during the second half and immediately brought Germany level with a neat finish inside the box
The Chelsea forward then restored Germany's lead after expertly steering home a Gnabry cross for Hansi Flick's side
Niclas Fullkrug also came off the bench to add a fourth goal a minute from time to seal the three points for Germany
It capped a second goal of the tournament for Fullkrug but it was not enough to take Germany through to the last-16
The joke around San Jose, the Costa Rican capital, during the World Cup of 2014 was that the coach, Jorge Luis Pinto, has cojones the size of large eggs. It was an obscure joke about him sharing a name with one of the Central American nation's most popular dishes, which included them, but the point about the team's courage was easily understood.
It's impossible to overstate what a monumental fall the nation seemed to have taken from that summer, when they sent Roy Hodgson's England team home.. It would an insult to the National League North to have compared their first half performance with British football's sixth tier.
With an enormous elimination looming, Germany finally found some firepower.
Japan's victory over Spain meant Germany were dumped out of the tournament as a dejected Thomas Muller looks on
Referee Stephanie Frappart and assistant referees Neuza Back and Karen Diaz became the first all-female team of officials to take charge of a men's World Cup match
Within three minutes of the side falling behind, the German cavalry charge started. Fullkrug flicked the ball to Havertz, who lifted a shot over Keylor Navas and into the back of the net. Gnabry flashed a cross to the far post from the right, setting up substitute Havertz to score his second goal of the game and send the Germans ahead.
The fourth came desperately late, Joshua Kimmich played a ball from deep to Leroy Sane, who took it on his chest for FΓΌllkrug to lash home. This one seemed set to be chalked off for offside but, after some consultation with her team and VAR, Stephanie Frappart awarded the goal.
But the game had gone. Somehow Flick's side scored four goals, won a game and were still eliminated. But the old certainties had gone from the four-time champions. This had been coming.
Follow Sportsmail's live blog for the World Cup Group E clash between Costa Rica and Germany.
Costa Rica and Germany are out of the World Cup finals
90+7min: Germany are OUT of the World Cup. It's happened for the second World Cup in a row too!
Japan have defeated Spain 2-1 and that means they top the group in front of Spain, who can now only go out if Costa Rica score three times.
Germany fans are leaving in their droves as news filters through here.
90+1min: It matters not in this game though. Germany are helpless here as long as Japan keep winning.
Seven minutes added on there, and we are into the fourth minute as Japan lead Spain 2-1.
89min: Niclas Fullkrug's effort has in fact been given as a goal - with a late VAR check coming after the communication with the referees broke. Some more tech gear being given to our match with 10 minutes added on.
As Niclas Fullkrug heads home, he is denied a goal as he is flagged offisde. Here is how the table stands...
85min: Germany are back in front, and super sub Kai Havertz is at it again prodding home an excellent ball in from Gnabry.
Yet Germany are STILL heading out as long as Japan are leading Spain - and that remains the case.
77min: First booking of the game and it is for Oscar Durate. It's become end to end stuff here though. Even Costa Rica are attacking now.
74min: Jewison Bennette and Ronald Matarrita replaces Keysher Fuller and Johan Venegas, while Navas makes a stunning point blank save to deny Fullkrug.
73min: There goes our bit of fun. Kai Havertz makes an instant impact, prodding home unmarked inside the box. Germany still heading out though along with Costa Rica.
70min: This is unbelievable! I cannot believe what I am seeing. This is the scrappiest goal of the tournament or of many tournaments but they all count.
Juan Vargas somehow bundles home a cross after a save from Neuer. As it stands Japan AND Costa Rica are going through!
68min: Germany have hit the post for a THIRD time. This time Musiala, curling in a lovely shot only for his effort from 20 yards to bounce off the face of goal and back into play.
67min: David Raum and Thomas Muller depart for Germany with Mario Gotze and Kai Havertz coming on.
62min: This game is truly bonkers. Germany hit the post... TWICE. Musiala and Rudiger find the upright with Muller also going close inbetween.
59min: Could Germany have endured a worse 15 minutes of football? Somehow, Costa Rica are level!
A cross from the right sees Kendall Watson have a header well saved by Manuel Neuer but Yeltsin Tejeda is on the follow up to sweep up the rebound!
Germany as it stands are now bottom of their group.
55min: Germany make another change as striker Niclas Fullkrug replaces Ilkay Gundogan. All of this is redundant while Spain still trail Japan.
51min: It's still in Germany's hands at this... hang on, JAPAN HAVE SCORED AGAIN and now lead 2-1.
Now it means no matter what Germany do they are heading OUT.
48min: Hold the phone, here. Japan have equalised against Spain! As it stands, Japan are now going through as runners-up behind Spain as they have a better head-to-head record having beaten Germany 2-1.
Costa Rica send on Youstin Salas for his sixth cap in the midfield to replace teenager Brandon Aguilera, while Germany bring on Lukas Klostermann for Leon Goretzka - I assume to rest the latter's legs.
It's been a good match for them to officiate, especially with Costa Rica refusing to engage much with Germany's attackers. But so far so good from Stephanie Frappart and her team who have allowed the game to flow.
45min: It nearly happens again! A cross from the left somehow goes through Niklas Sule but a Costa Rica attacker fails to read it before Germany clear.
Sane meanwhile blasts over from distance. One added minute.
43min: Where has this come from?! Costa Rica have a glorious chance to equalise!
David Raum and Rudiger somehow doze off trying to defend a long ball over the top, and it allows Keysher Fuller to steam in, take the ball and get a shot in only for Manuel Neuer to make a top save to tip it over.
40min: This game is over and by over I mean it's done as a contest. Why? It's because we have a Mexican Wave going around the ground - the universal sign of boredom setting in as Germany continue to attack and attack.
Gnabry goes close to his second goal, curling just wide across goal after good work from Muller.
37min: Meanwhile Germany continue to chase a second goal. Kimmich's long range strike is saved by Navas, who needs two bites of the cherries to gather before Goretzka can follow up (below).
Musiala meanwhile has gone on another mazy run only to fire wide inside the box, with Celso Borges sliding in to do just enough to put him off.
34min: I'm a bit concerned for Joel Campbell here. While the game has gone on he has gone down on his knees looking in some discomfort. Thankfully he is back to his feet and carrying on but I hope he hasn't got a serious injury problem developing there. I wasn't spotted by anyone in the ground - at least match officials and team-mates anyway.
Keylor Navas is having a busy evening so far, having had to make a number of saves while also rushing off his line to clear (below) in front of Thomas Muller.
30min: And here is one of them - and do you know what. This is a chance. Bryan Oviedo whips in a good ball towards the penalty spot, but Joel Campbell can't read it properly and his hapless swipe at it results in no form of clean contact and the ball rolling out to safety.
At the other end Gnabry's blocked shot results in corner No 6.
27min: A fifth Germany corner - none of them really effective yet though as Raum's ball in is headed clear. As you expect, no corners for Costa Rica yet. You need to build an attack first.
24min: Maybe I'm being a bit harsh on Costa Rica. Clearly they can't go toe-to-toe with Germany and they don't have a world class talent like Robert Lewandowski in their line-up to use, unlike Poland. They do try a conservative attack but it only ends with a through ball rolling hopelessly long to nobody. At least the effort was there.
21min: Some very similar patterns to last night already were Poland effectively stuck everyone behind the ball and allowed continuous Argentina attacking. Germany haven't got out of second gear yet and they really should be 3-0 up.
15min: Chance after chance. Now a ball is floated into the penalty box and while the Costa Rica player stand around ball watching, Leon Goretzka runs from deep to get his head on it, only for Navas to make another smart save.
13min: And as Germany continue to dominate, it gets better for them as Spain have taken the lead against Japan. As it stands Spain progress as group winners, with Germany in second place.
10min: If anything, this has taken too long in coming. David Raum crosses from the left and once again unmarked a Germany forward is left with a free header. This time though Serge Gnabry is on the end of it and he glances a simple finish across the target.
8min: This could turn into another 'Spain' for Costa Rica - which of course means another thrashing. First, Musiala runs into the box and around about nine players before seeing a shot blocked while Thomas Muller has just somehow nodded wide while unmarked.
5min: This is relentless and we have hardly played five minutes Keysher Fuller makes a mess of his first touch and it allows Germany to pounce, resulting in Leroy Sane's shot from an acute angle to be parried away.
The offside flag is raised against Germany, but don't let that fool you into how one-sided this game is already looking.
2min: That didn't take long for Germany to start cooking. Less than two minutes gone and already Keylor Navas is called into action in the Costa Rica goal - beating away a smart Jamal Musiala effort.
Costa Rica: Navas, Duarte, Waston, Vargas, Fuller, Borges, Tejeda, Oviedo, Aguilera, Campbell, Venegas.
Subs: Chacon, Contreras, Bennette, Ruiz, Torres, Salas, Martinez, Alvarado, Lopez, Matarrita, Sequeira, Wilson, Hernandez, Zamora.
Germany: Neuer, Kimmich, Sule, Rudiger, Raum, Gundogan, Goretzka, Gnabry, Musiala, Sane, Muller.
Subs: Ginter, Kehrer, Havertz, Fullkrug, Gotze, Trapp, Klostermann, Brandt, Hofmann, Gunter, Ter Stegen, Schlotterbeck, Adeyemi, Kotchap, Moukoko.
Referee: Stephanie Frappart (France)
Excellent atmosphere for this one - as the anthems are observed here is a reminder of the key permutations from this group.
Germany have to win no matter what to stand a chance of progression. However if Japan defeat Spain then the four-time champions are out.
Costa Rica would also progress with a win, but could also advance with a draw if Spain win.
Referees Stephanie Frappart, Neuza Ines Back, and Karen Diaz Medina shake hands as they prepare to make history as the first all-female officials of a men's World Cup game.
We are focusing on everything Costa Rica vs Germany here, but if you wish to keep track of all the events between Japan and Spain in the other Group E game, then click here to follow all the action with Sportsmail's NATHAN SALT.
Lots of focus this evening on Thomas Muller. The forward was poor against Spain and can count himself fortunate to still be in the XI given how well Niclas Fullkrug played after replacing him a few days back. He must perform tonight.
Probably not, and that's more down to just how good the Argentine crowd were yesterday evening. Still the Germany fans look like they will bring the noise this evening...
Into the team come Juan Pablo Vargas for Francisco Calvo, with veteran striker Johan Venegas replacing Anthony Contreras and 19-year-old Brandon Aguilera in for Gerson Torres.
They reached the quarter-finals back in 2014 - beating Italy and Uruguay along the way, but how big would getting a result against Germany against those matches. Don't forget victory would eliminate the four-time winners.
It's a big one. Fit again Leroy Sane is indeed back in the team and he replaces defender Thilo Kehrer.
Thomas Muller keeps his place in attack despite being outclassed by Niclas Fullkrug who replaced him against Spain to score the late equaliser.
Big evening for them - let's hope they don't have too much nonsense to put up with. We've already had some bizarre calls from the Croatia game today where Premier League referee Anthony Taylor was made to check an offside call on a pitchside monitor... I mean isn't that what VAR is for?
That draw meanwhile means Morocco have impressively won Group E and will now face the runner up of the group Germany and Costa Rica play in tonight. The table toppers will face Croatia.
With all due respect to Morocco, I think most teams would rather avoid Luka Modric and Co and that could make group dynamics in approach rather interesting this evening. Play for second place?
Click below for more
Our first big victim of the World Cup is Belgium who have lost to Croatia and gone out of the group stage after a 0-0 draw.
The big story central to their exit was the amount of chances Romelu Lukaku missed on a nightmare evening for the Inter Milan forward on loan from Chelsea.
Click below for more
And what a game it was! It was the opening game of the 2006 World Cup and it set the tone for a cracking tournament.
Germany triumphed 4-2 with Philipp Lahm and Torsten Frings scoring cracking goals and Miroslav Klose also netting twice.
Old Costa Rica favourite Paulo Wanchope managed to grab his side's two goals.
Familiar ground to Germany - in fact they played their last game here when they drew 1-1 with Spain. That's basically a home advantage isn't it? The scene is set in Al Khor.
We have just focused on Germany and Costa Rica here but if you wish to check out all the permutations across all group then check out our handy file below...
Germany simply must win to have any hope of staying in the World Cup - and even that would not be enough if Japan defeat Spain.
Costa Rica also need to win to reach the last-16 but a draw could also see them progress if Spain beat Japan.
Goal difference comes into play with other results - so let's cross those bridges when we come to them...
SAM BROOKES: FIFA have fined the German FA after they failed to put a player forward to attend the press conference ahead of their World Cup match with Spain.
A player is obligated to be sent to each press conference the day before their match to take questions alongside their manager.
Click below for more
TOM PYMAN: The milestone appointments have been welcomed by both managers, with Germany coach Hansi Flick saying he trusts the officials '100 per cent', while Costa Rica boss Luis Fernando Suarez described it as a major step forward for the 'very sexist' football industry.
Click below for more
French referee Stephanie Frappart will become the first woman to take charge of a men's World Cup game when she takes charge this evening.
I'm surprised it has not happened a lot sooner to be honest. We've long had female officials in top leagues around the world - and that includes referees in Germany's top flight the Bundesliga.
Click below for more
And I'm sure Germany won't need reminding of this. It was South Korea's 2-0 victory in Russia four years ago that sent the defending champions out of the group stage by finishing bottom.
Costa Rica may arguably not be of the standard of South Korea but they only need a draw to cause the unthinkable to happen again...
We thought it was impossible at the last World Cup when Germany tumbled out at the first hurdle. But could it happen again?
Their mission is apparently simple - beat Costa Rica. But even that may not be enough... Good afternoon all and welcome to what should be another exciting evening of this cracking World Cup.
Host commentator