Damar Hamlin admits he 'is still processing' trauma of on-field cardiac arrest

Buffalo Bills safety Damar Hamlin is still processing his traumatic cardiac arrest on the field during Monday Night Football on January 2. 

Hamlin collapsed on the field after a collision with Bengals wide receiver Tee Higgins during the Bills' Week 17 game against Cincinnati. 

In his first interview since the incident, the 24-year-old told Good Morning America's Michael Strahan that he had watched the hit 'once or twice' while in the ICU, but admitted he struggles to rewatch it too much.

When asked if he remembered standing up after landing the hit, he also confessed that it was something that he 'doesn't really want to get too deep into detail.'

'Just a crazy feeling,' Hamlin told Strahan. 'Something I can't describe yet, something I'm still processing and something I'm trying to work through, you know, why that happened to me.' 

Buffalo Bills safety Damar Hamlin is still processing his traumatic cardiac arrest on the field

He spoke to Good Morning America's Michael Strahan in his first interview since the incident

Hamlin insisted he was 'doing great' physically but admitted emotionally, he's still trying to process the trauma of the events. 

'I'm doing great, you know, every morning I just - every morning, every night, I take ten deep breaths to myself, and it puts everything in perspective for me,' he said. 

'I'm still working through things. I'm still trying to process all the emotions and the trauma that comes from dealing with a situation like that, and no one in my immediate circle who has dealt with something like that.'

He also revealed that the goal is to return to the football field but claimed it was a tough situation for the medics advising him as ultimately it was his decision to make. 

'Eventually, that's always the goal,' Hamlin said. 'As a competitor, I'm trying to do things just to keep advancing my situation. But allowing that in God's hands. I'm just thankful he's giving me a second chance.' 

'It's a tough situation. They, you know, they can't really tell because it's up to me. It's a long road, and they just are worried about trying to get me back to normal as much as they can.'

He did discuss his first memories of waking up in the hospital and hearing his loved ones around him. 

When asked what the first thing he remembered from waking up, Hamlin said: 'Just hearing family members, my mom and dad, friends that were there just kind of hearing certain people, certain conversations around me, and just trying to tie it all together.'

He added: 'The first thing I said when I woke up was, did we win?'

The 24-year-old cheered on his Bills teammates from the hospital during their Week 18 game

Bills trainer Denny Kellington immediately sprung into action to administer life-saving CPR 

Laughing Strahan said that proved that Hamlin was an 'athlete' with his mind still on the game. 

'I'm competitive, and I'm playing with my full heart and everything I got in me,' Hamlin agreed. 'That competitive nature in me was still there, and I was, like, did I win?'

Nurses told Hamlin he had won. They told the safety he had 'won the game of life.'

'Just saying you won the game of life,' he added, 'that just kind of put things in perspective for me, you know, hearing from the doctor, things could have went differently and the details of the situation of everything that happened on the field, that could have been the last of me.'

The NFL requires athletes to undergo physicals but Hamlin said his tests had never flagged a heart condition 

'I've always been a healthy, young, fit, energetic human being, let alone athlete,' he said. 'It was something that we're still processing and I'm still talking through with my doctors just to see what everything was.'

Hamlin had surprised his Bills teammates on a Zoom call from the hospital and flexed his muscles at them to give them a boost. 

'As soon as I got on the zoom call, I felt like it was important just to show strength to them so they could keep going for me and they were just so happy to see me,' he said. 'So that was like a breath of fresh air.'

Hamlin (left) had a cardiac arrest after a tackle playing against the Bengals back on January 2

He made an appearance at NFL Honors in Phoenix, honoring training and medical staff

Hamlin was the guest of honor at the Bills' playoff game against the Cincinnati Bengals  

He also admitted it was tough to watch his teammates take to the field as he cheered them on for their Week 18 game against the New England Patriots. 

'It was very tough,' he said. 'It was super tough. It was an uneasy feeling. I couldn't settle in at all.'

Hamlin was speaking in his first interview since being resuscitated on the Paycor Stadium turf by Bills medical staff.

The 24-year-old has spent much of the last two months recovering in Western New York, and made a brief appearance at a Bills-Bengals playoff game in Orchard Park, waving to fans from a luxury suite atop the Highmark Stadium crowd. 

Bills medical staffer Denny Kellington successfully resuscitated him by performing CPR for roughly nine minutes before Hamlin was rushed to a Cincinnati hospital. He was later transferred to a Buffalo medical facility and has since been discharged.

'I owe Denny my life literally. He loved to say he was just doing his job, which is true, but that night he was the savior of my life administrating CPR on me, and that's something I'm thankful for and don't take for granted.'

Hamlin was joined on stage at the the NFL Honors Thursday night and they all received a warm welcome from the crowd at State Farm Stadium, Glendale, Arizona Sunday night.