Louanne Ward: What are the biggest relationship red flags in 2023?

A leading relationship coach has listed the six worrying 'traps' men and women find themselves in, warning singles that dating 'isn't all it's cracked up to be' in 2023.

Louanne Ward, a certified master matchmaker and dating expert from Perth, said the rules of modern dating are changing faster than you can keep up and it is now 'more confusing than ever'. 

But there are six key traps Australians need to be across if they want a long and fruitful relationship to blossom this year. 

These include textationships, situationships, singleship, hopeful entanglements, convalescenships and xenolationships.

'Spotting the early warning signs of an unhealthy relationship can be daunting as you are caught up in the hope and promise of what could be... these are the hidden traps and big pitfalls to avoid,' Louanne said.

Louanne Ward, a certified master matchmaker and dating expert from Perth, said the rules of modern dating are changing faster than you can keep up and is now 'more confusing than ever

1. Textationship: you're in a penpal relationship

A textationship is essentially a phone-based relationship.

True, most relationships currently begin online, but a textationship is fundamentally different because the relationship is unlikely to progress beyond the texting phase.

That means you could waste years intoxicated by a fantasy that will never come true and miss out on your real-life fairytale.

The three easy ways to get out of one is to have a cut off time for the first meeting, spend less time texting than you do talking and don't accept false promises without actions. 

True, most relationships currently begin online, but a textationship is fundamentally different because the relationship is unlikely to progress beyond the texting phase

2. Situationship: seeing someone but not defining the relationship, keeping options open

To put it simply, a situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friends with benefits. 

As you know this can be incredibly confusing and often leaves you wondering things like: 'Where do I stand?' 'What are we?' 'What are their intentions?'.

So what draws people into a situationship?

As a society our views on relationships have changed. More people are ditching age-old traditions like marriage, and many of them are eager to explore relationships in a less structured manner. 

Rather than falling to the pressures of commitments, people have become more focused on self fulfillment.

Signs you're in a practical relationship or xenolationship 

Convalescenship (practical relationship) signs

* Your lives are essentially separate 

* You feel unfulfilled 

* They don't listen to you

* Everythings hot and cold

* You are putting others needs before your own and there is a noticeable lack of enthusiasm

Xenoationship signs 

* They spend time with you and make forward plans as if you were in a relationship

* You know all about their family and friends who all seem to know about you

* They are affectionate towards you and flirt openly with you, although no real intimacy has taken place

* You pick up vibes that they are interested but when you try to arrange something romantic they suddenly become uncomfortable and suggest an alternative arrangement

* Neither of you talk about dating other people but they act jealous if you show an interest in anyone else and or you feel jealous when someone is paying them attention

* They say things like 'you know how I feel about you' without ever telling you how they feel. If you try to bring up the subject they quickly find a way to avoid it

'Understanding your own needs and boundaries is essential for cultivating healthy and fulfilling relationships,' Louanne said

3. Singleship: in a relationship with independence

Unlike the previous traps, this one is entirely focused on you. There is no one else to blame, and there is no room for speculation.

We all know a bachelor who won't settle down or a friend that loves her career more than anything - and there is nothing wrong with that!

Although such choices are uncommon, they are not intrinsically wrong. The issue is that even with the major promotions, wild vacations, and insane adventures, at some stage it can start to feel that something is missing.

Being independent and choosing to be single for a period of time is a healthy way to discover who you are and what you want.

The truth is, it all boils down to balance, just like everything else in life. Sure, you should pursue your aspirations and desires, but at the end of the day, we are built to love, and the longer you are in a relationship solely with yourself as the only key player the less likely you are to let someone else in.

How you live your life is completely up to you however a singleship can only sail so far before it needs a crew member to share the journey with. Human connection and relationships have long been associated to quality of life and life expectancy.

Zenolationship: Xeno meaning strange, different, foreign, you have no clue what the 'two' of you are but it feels like it could be breaking into something super special or maybe not

4. Hopeful entanglement: you are seeing someone who is in a relationship with someone else

Romantic entanglements are all about love triangles and affairs.

Other than the obvious implications of a romantic entanglement, they can be detrimental to your mental health.

In fact, confusion, guilt, division of love, constant pressure, and loneliness are common emotional responses to being in an entanglement. All of these are understandable responses.

So, if you're wondering what to do if you're currently in an entanglement make sure you analyse where you fall in it and the role it plays in your life.

Ultimately, there are two types of romantic entanglements: the 'Competitive' and the 'Love Dilemma'.

There are two people in a competitive love triangle, and they are both trying to win the third person's undivided attention. Whereas one's feelings are torn between two suitors in a love dilemma. 

It should come as no surprise that a relationship built on lies is destined to cause pain. However, you wouldn't believe the amount of people that are caught up in some form of romantic entanglement. 

5. Convalescenship: you are staying in a relationship because its too hard to leave

In a nutshell, a convalecenship is a practical relationship where you're simply sticking around for other reasons than love. It could be the security it provides, whether that's psychological, finacial or even physical. It could be for family or parenting reasons or religious beliefs. Whether many people care to admit it or not, the vast majority of people have stayed in a relationship for longer than we should have simply because it was easier than leaving.

Arguably, relationships built on love also provide the same security and convenience so how can you differentiate between the two?

Ultimately, couples in love genuinely look forward to spending time with each other whereas, couples who are only together for practical reasons often have completely separate lifestyles, making any time they do spend together miserable for both partners. Sadly, when they're separated, they feel relieved and don't give each other much (if any) thought.

Love, however, is tricky and its manifestations take many forms.

6. Xenolationship: you are stuck somewhere in between the friendzone and first base. The other person is giving you all the positive signals but not taking things to the next level

Not to be confused with a situationship, the friendzone or a friends with benefits. This relationship can be the most confusing of them all.  

Xeno meaning strange, different, foreign, you have no clue what the 'two' of you are but it feels like it could be breaking into something super special or maybe not.

Commonly this happens when you have been crushing out on someone who suddenly seems to be interested. 

It's often someone out of your league or who isn't your normal type.

The only way out of xenolationship is confront the other person with a confession of your feelings. Developing ongoing feelings and creating a fantasy around a person who doesn't reciprocate your feelings has the exact same affect as any heartbreak.

The longer you stay in a xenolationship the harder it is break from and the deeper your feelings become.