Prison wives spill beans on conjugal visits and marrying men they've never touched

Two women who fell in love with prisoners, then married them in jailhouse ceremonies have detailed the trials and tribulations of having a caged husband.  

But two prison wives who spoke to DailyMail.com insist they're happy being wed to serious criminals, with one named Rebecca enjoying conjugal visits with her murderer husband.

Another, Cara Lee, married her husband behind a glass screen last year, and has still never touched him. 

They spoke to DailyMail.com as it was revealed double-murderer Alex Murdaugh was being inundated with fan mail from women seeking to take the place of Maggie, the wife he killed.

Rebecca and her husband married in 2014 and in September celebrated their 9 year wedding anniversary 

She keeps a countdown clock on her phone until the next 'family visit' with her killer husband, during which they're allowed around two days of private time 

Rebecca would only give her first name, and refused to share her husband's name. He was jailed for life without parole aged 19 for killing someone during an armed robbery. He has now served 35 years inside.  

Speaking about how she and her husband cope without one another, Rebecca told DailyMail.com: 'I would say that those that are incarcerated long periods have to - in some sense -  turn that part of themselves off.' 

The daycare worker claimed that she and other prison wives to try and avoid making their jailbird spouses 'grieve' for love, which can make them vulnerable while behind bars.

Rebecca began chatting with her killer husband in 2012, after they were introduced as pen pals by her nephew, a juvenile lifer.

The pair quickly became smitten, and wed two years later, in 2014.

They were finally able to consummate their marriage in 2017 after California opened up conjugal visits, also known as family visits, to prisoners convicted of more serious crimes.

Inmates can apply for up to 48 hours with their spouse four times a year, in a private 'apartment' on prison grounds that is often a trailer home. 

Their last visit was in March, when they got to spend some quality time together. 

But demand for the meet-ups - dubbed 'f**k visits' by prisoners - is so strong that many only receive one or two a year, because of the staff needed to oversee them. 

Rebecca looks forward to the conjugal visits so much that she keeps a timer app on her phone that counts down to the next one.

She told DailyMail.com how she can rarely sleep the night before a conjugal visit, and repeatedly checks the paperwork she requires - including her state ID and marriage certificate. 

Rebecca met her husband 11 years ago, after the pair started writing letters to each other. She said that she met him through her nephew who was serving a juvenile life sentence 

On being reunited with her husband, she says they also like to 'sit and talk, like really talk about things we haven't been able to speak on the phone about,' that she said they cannot do in a 15-minute phone call.

She explains that the phone situation at prison isn't great and the pair only get to speak three times a week, and the video visits are hard to snag.

'We have been lucky the last few weeks and I was able to obtain video visits but they tend to go quickly,' she said.

'They release the appointments 6:30am on Saturday morning's and by 6:35am they are almost always gone.'

During their last visit, she says she arrived 30 minutes early. She was allowed to bring bed linens, dish soap and protective coverings for mattresses, pillows and couches - as well as cleaning supplies. 

Explaining the blues that follow after a conjugal visit ends, she said: ' 'I have to look at it as I am happy that we had that time versus being sad that it is over ...a lot of women get 'post visit' blues, but I can't allow myself to do that.'

She also shared her frustrations at trying to send her spouse selfies to help him keep his pecker up - only to be denied the chance to do so by prison firewalls.

Explaining her plight on social media, she wrote: 'Trying to get that one selfie to send husband… just one … and each and everyone is a no... these are actually only a few of the dozens of rejects currently waiting for deletion.'

Rebecca claims it is 'inhumane' to make men like her husband spend the rest of their lives behind bars for crimes committed as teenagers.'

Some progressive groups have begun to push for killers sentenced to life without parole as teens to have their sentences re-examined.

She is hopeful that such a law could eventually see her reunited with her husband in the real world.

In the meantime, she runs a social media blog about being a prison wife with 18,000 followers - and says she's grateful her husband is not on death row.  

Cara Lee is married to attempted murderer Steven Aguilar, who has been jailed since 2009, and who is due for release in 2031 

Steven is currently housed in Folsom State Prison. He married Lee in September 2022, but the couple have never even touched one another. Aguilar has applied for conjugal visitation rights 

Another prison wife, Cara Lee, told DailyMail.com how she met her husband Steven Aguilar, 41, in 2020 - and wed two years later, in September 2022.

Aguilar has spent the past 14 years behind bars at Folsom State Prison in Sacramento for attempted murder with a gang enhancement. 

But unlike Rebecca's husband, he will be paroled, and is currently set for release in 2031. 

Lee said she almost fell foul of the prison's strict dress code for wedding dresses, and had to don an even more modest gown than the one she'd bought for its modesty.

Their witnesses were the minister and another prison wife visiting her husband, with Aguilar on the opposite side of the glass.

 Alex Murdaugh has been bombarded with love letters from women while serving a life sentence for murdering his wife and son

Lee added: 'It was emotional, but I wish it could have been a little better. At least being able to take pictures, like the others and everything, but we couldn't because of no contact.

'It was as nice as it could be. I was just glad to get married to him. Everything else will fall into place.'

Aguilar has behaved well behind bars, and has had his status downgraded from that of a level four prisoner, who spends most of his days locked up, to a level two/three inmate who is granted considerably more freedom. 

But their relationship still faces considerable obstacles. Lee and Aguilar haven't seen each other since their wedding day seven months ago.

They've never been able to touch one another and their wedding was held with a glazed security screen dividing them. 

Lee told DailyMail.com: 'We have not been able to kiss or hug yet.

'Steven put the request (for a conjugal visit) in and its just a waiting game, but will make it more special for us when it happens.'

She added:  'I can't wait to feel his touch. His arms around me. That is what I look forward to ...everything else is a bonus.'

In the meantime, their phone calls keep them close.

She explained: ''The men are controlling the calls because we can't call them.' 

Lee said people have told her she can 'do better' than a prison husband, but insists everyone deserves a second chance.  

She also earns money with her stationary business on Etsy - under the name CaraLeeCrafts14. 

She creates greetings cards - some of them X-rated - for prison wives or husbands and their spouses. She said the journey can be lonely and that her mother and friends did not understand her relationship at first and it hurt, but now she has accepted and support it. 

Lee now runs an online community for prison wives and says she's found community among other men and women whose spouses are serving time  

The couple have never met, and were married on opposite sides of a security screen. Lee created this photoshop image of them together to help her through the separation  

Lee creates cards for prison spouses on Etsy - many of them X-rated, and says Aguilar is her 'emotional support'  

'He is my emotional support. A shoulder to cry on when I am having a bad day.'    

Lee has has a private Facebook group called Prison Wives Love Letters that has more than 2,000 members.

Sheila Isenberg author of 'Women Who Love Men Who Kill: 35 True Stories of Prison Passion published the second edition in 2021 

'People need to understand that just because you are in prison doesn't mean you are a bad person,' she said. 'Everyone deserves a second chance.'

'I believe my husband being down for so long is bettering himself and getting himself ready to come home which is what drove me to him.

Author Sheila Isenbeg, who wrote the book, 'Women Who Love Men Who Kill: 35 True Stories of Prison Passion' told DailyMail.com that there are two types of theories and two types of women who are in love with murderers.

'One type of woman is the fame seeker,' Isenberg said. 

'This person is in love with a notorious prisoner, who is possibly going to be convicted of murder and he fits in with the Ted Bundy's and the Charles Mansons and all the other notorious murders and prisoners in that they get alot of press. 

'So the women who are involved with them get a lot of press so she is going to get a little notoriety herself. Those women really want fame and notoriety. They want to be noticed. They want to be different. They want to stand out from the crowd.' 

The other and more common are the 'garden variety murderers' behind bars.

'This woman is involved with that kind of murderer for very different reasons. She's a woman whose been abused in the past ... different kinds of abuse...hurt. 

She's the victim of society. She's been sexually assaulted. She's been raped. She's been battered. She's been psychologically abused. The whole gamut of abuse that she's experienced has led her to find a relationship with a man who cannot hurt her.'

'The [prisoner] represents safety, which is confusing and counter intuitive but if you think about it its really not because he's behind bars and he can't hurt her. 

And, she's also in control for the first time- in her life- maybe.'