Best-selling author goes viral with life-changing 'let them' theory

Best-selling author and podcast host Mel Robbins has gone viral after touting the 'let them' theory — a technique for letting go of things beyond your control. 

The motivational speaker, who is an expert in confidence and motivation, opened up about the life-changing mindset hack on Instagram. The theory is simple: whenever someone is not behaving the way you want them to, you should just let them be.

'I just heard about this thing called the "let them" theory. I freaking love this,' Robbins, 54, said at the start of the clip. 

'If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.'

Best-selling author and podcast host Mel Robbins, 54, went viral after opening up about the 'let them' theory that has changed her life 

Whenever someone is not behaving the way you want them to, you should just let them be,' she explained in the Instagram video, which has been viewed more than 19.7 million times 

Robbins noted that 'so much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.' 

She added that this technique is especially important to follow if a partner or a friend is not showing up for you the way you need them to.   

'Do not try to force them to change. Let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you,' she advised. 'Just let them. And then you get to choose what you do next.' 

'Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations,' she reiterated in the caption.' 

The video has been viewed 19.7 million times and has received thousands of comments since it was posted on May 13. 

'This has always been a Golden rule,' one person responded. 

'YES! We're supposed to attract and repel so we can find our people. There's no point in trying to get someone to fit into a mold you've made for them. Let people be themselves and see if it's a good fit,' another added. 

'Yes this POV changed my life,' someone else shared. 

'Let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you,' she advised. 'Just let them. And then you get to choose what you do next'

Robbins also opened up about the 'let them' theory on her podcast, saying you can use it for 'just about anything' with a few caveats 

The 'let them' theory struck a chord with so many fans that Robbins dedicated an entire podcast episode to the topic. 

'What happens when you adopt the "let them" theory is that you are able to catch yourself when you're controlling people and you don't need to be,' she explained. 

'You are able to drop into a more surrendered, peaceful feeling instead of letting your emotions rev you up. I use this thing in so many situations in my life I've basically lost count at this point.'

Robbins recalled how she recently tried to intervene when her teenage son and more than a dozen of his friends decided to eat at a small restaurant with limited seating in the pouring rain before their junior prom. 

Once she realized what she was doing, she made the conscious decision to let them do what they wanted. 

'You can use the "let them" theory for just about anything, and 99 percent of the time when you feel yourself trying to control a situation or another human being, I want you to use the "let them" theory,' she told listeners.

However, she noted that there are three caveats to the technique. 

'If somebody is doing something dangerous or they are discriminating against you [or someone else], do not let them do that,' she said. 'That is not a time to drop the oars and just go with the flow.'

Robbins said you should also ditch the "let them" theory when you are asking for something or advocating for your own rights. She gave the example of negotiating your salary, stressing that you should never accept the first offer you get. 

Finally, she explained that you should never let someone continuously cross the boundaries you have set in place.