AMANDA PLATELL: Stay away from Britain, Meghan . . . you're not welcome here

It’s just over a year since Prince Harry published his cruel memoir Spare.

In it he portrayed his brother William as a violent bully and his sister-in-law Kate as a Stepford wife chosen because ‘she fitted the royal mould’ — unlike his beloved wife Meghan.

It was a painful experience for the Prince and Princess of Wales, who had no right of reply to these horrible slurs.

Worse was to come when Kate was named as one of the ‘racist’ royals first alluded to in Meghan and Harry’s 2021 Oprah Winfrey interview, after allegedly questioning the future skin colour of the Sussexes’ first child, Archie.

Often seated alongside Harry during his attacks on his family was his ­calculating, self-satisfied, former TV actress wife Meghan, milking her in-laws’ personal drama while taking millions from Netflix and other paymasters.

Meghan, pictured with Harry, plans to employ a PR guru in the UK to revive her standing here

No one has caused more damage to the ­institution of the Royal Family than Meghan Markle, argues Amanda Platell

Now we learn that with her ­popularity tanking in America, Meghan plans to employ a PR guru in the UK to revive her standing here.

All I can say is, good luck with that. As we who love the Royal Family know, no one has caused more damage to the ­institution than Meghan Markle, still clinging on to her ‘Duchess’ title.

Can she really be trying to ­reinvent herself in Britain while poor Kate recuperates at home after surgery and is not expected to appear in public before Easter, at the earliest? It’s ­nothing short of abominable.

Only Kate’s immediate family and closest aides know what truly ails her, but the constant attacks from Harry and Meghan cannot have helped her stress and ­anxiety levels in recent years.

So if I had the miserable job of being the Duchess’s PR adviser, handed the impossible task of rehabilitating her in a country she’d rejected, my message would be: ‘Stay away. For ever.’

OnlyFans party-girl Carrie Royale claims she’s sold a pair of Prince Harry’s undies for $250,000 and now threatens to post never-before-seen nude pictures of the Duke of Hazard cavorting at his 2012 ‘strip billiards’ game in Las Vegas. Don’t worry, Harry, it could be worse. Just imagine if you’d ever dressed up as a Nazi!

RUPERT Murdoch is to marry at 92 for the fifth time, to molecular ­biologist Elena Zhukova, 25 years his junior.

Rupe’s worth $19 billion. Does he ever wonder if it’s not his wit and charm that seduces younger women?

I’m betting his kids are insisting he has a cast iron pre-nup in place.

• WERE he still alive, Strictly Come ­Dancing’s launch presenter Bruce Forsyth might have had something to say after Claudia Winkleman claimed the secret of the show’s success is that it is hosted by women (her and Tess Daly) and women have key ­production jobs. Jolly good, but without sex on legs professional dancers Graziano, Gorka, Giovanni, Johannes and Vito, what red-blooded woman would even tune in? 

• MOTHERING Sunday tomorrow and even though my Mum died five years ago, I will put a card by her picture, thanking her for love and advice. The night before my wedding, she took my hand and said: ‘It’s not too late to pull out, Mandy, he’s a no-gooder.’ Six years later, after his infidelity, we were divorced. As always, she was right. Love and miss you, Mum 

ELLE ‘The Body’ Macpherson, nearly 60, claims that what women wear makes little difference and being ‘a true expression of who you are is the secret to shine your unique beauty’. Top advice Elle, but while you’re prancing around in your skimpy bikini, the rest of us in our 60s are wearing sloppy sweatshirts, hoping the AA man might be the answer to all our dreams. 

• OVER-promoted BBC presenter Amol Rajan sneers that Chancellor Jeremy Hunt has been called a ‘fiscal drag queen’. Perhaps the bejewelled mumbler Rajan, famous for his diamond earring, ugly rings and thick gold neck chain, should look a bit closer to home. 

• CELEBRITY Big Brother’s Levi Roots — famous for his Reggae Reggae Sauce — says he hopes his ­children are ‘inspired by their dad’. Levi, given that you fathered eight children by seven women, perhaps best to leave the parenting advice to others. 

• THE UK’s counter-extremism tsar Robin Simcox says pro-Palestinian marches have turned London into a ‘no-go zone for Jews’. I live in a North London suburb with a large Jewish community and am saddened by this. What do I say to my Jewish neighbours, fearful of even wearing their kippahs and asking why our capital has no place left for them? 

• F1 BOSS Christian Horner praises his wife, ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell, for her support over claims he exchanged sexy WhatsApp messages with a female Red Bull employee. An internal investigation cleared Horner who keeps his £8 million job. But the recipient of sexy texts has been suspended. So much for Girl Power. 

•  In an attempt to show his softer side, Rishi Sunak reveals he nips upstairs to make the matrimonial bed, stacks the dishwasher and cooks his kids’ meals. Which leaves one wondering what his wife Akshata Murty does all day. Am guessing when you’re the daughter of a billionaire, you’re used to having staff to do the menial stuff.

• SNAKE-HIPPED Peter Mandelson says porky Keir Starmer — 20 points ahead in the polls — needs to lose weight as he’s aghast at the thought of a Prime Minister with manboobs? That didn’t stop our full-bodied Boris Johnson ­winning a historic landslide victory. 

Fashion designer Stella McCartney, 52, says her new collection was inspired by the sharp-tailored suits dad Paul wore in the Beatles’ heyday. Crikey, in this baggy, oversized number, she looks like a homeless bloke you’d offer a fiver to, making him promise not to spend it on Strongbow. Let it be, Stella: time to stop monetising your dad.

ARISTOCRAT Constance Marten, charged with causing the death of her infant girl, says she ‘did nothing but show love to my little baby’ while on the run with partner Mark Gordon. Legalities stop me offering an opinion, yet I will say I can’t but feel pity for a woman whose four other children went into care and whose fifth died in her arms.

THE LANCET medical journal says it is time to stop treating the menopause as a ‘disease’ and the only ones making money out of it are the pharmaceutical giants hawking HRT and other drugs. Sense at last when most women, myself included, sailed through the Big M without noticing and are sick of hearing our sisters bleating on about their ‘menopause journey’. 

SCIENTISTS declare that men scoffing a full English breakfast increase their ‘facial attractiveness’. Clearly a survey conducted by portly middle aged men: what woman wants sex with a bloke whose fat stomach nestles on his thighs?