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I was sitting next to an extraordinary woman at a dinner party, writes JANA HOCKING, when the conversation turned spicy - and now I know why 'good' men cheat
Confession: I recently dated a guy who was perfect for me. He was smart, emotionally available, good looking, and jackpot of all jackpots - he was 6 foot tall.
All was going swimmingly until we started getting hot and heavy. I noticed he would occasionally steer my face to the direction of his butt. Yes, his hindquarters. Derriere. Rump.
Specifically, he wanted me to use my tongue around that area, and I'm no prude, but that's going to be a solid no for me.
Eventually after a few wines one night, he brought it up. Questioning why I wouldn't like to treat his bot-bot like a lollypop and I simply said I can't. I'm the same with sashimi.
Sure, other people might enjoy this fine Japanese delicacy - but in my mind, it's still raw fish and I just can't get my head around it. Safe to say, I feel the same way about butts.
Jana Hocking recently dated a man who was smart, emotionally available, good looking, and 6 foot tall
Nevertheless, every time we got our kit off he would attempt to steer me in the same direction and in the end I had to call time on our relationship. It was getting annoying, and I had no interest in getting intimate with that particular part of his body.
Then last week I had an epiphany. I suddenly realised why men cheat.
This epiphany came about when I won the dinner party lottery and was sat next to someone truly interesting with a fascinating career.
After crossing off all the polite conversation topics like the weather and travel, we got onto our chosen professions.
Now usually I'm the one to get asked a million and one questions about my career. 'What do you mean you write about sex and dating?' 'What does your family think?' 'Aren't you worried men will be nervous to date you?' blah blah blah.
But tonight was different. Tonight, I was sitting across from a madam of a brothel.
She explained she had bought the business using the money from her very ugly divorce. It was something she had wanted to do for years, and now, given her freedom and looking for a good distraction from her broken love life, she dived right in.
Jana recently had an epiphany and suddenly realised why men cheat
She told me lots of tidbits about her job but there was one particular thing I found fascinating. When I asked her how many married men came to her establishment, she said they made up a very high percentage of clientele.
However, her reasoning made me stop and ponder.
You see, she said most of them come to satisfy particular kinks they don't feel comfortable asking for from their wives.
Ahh yes, the ol' 'Madonna-Whore Complex'. Coined by the founder of psychoanalysis himself, Sigmund Freud.
He defined this condition as 'the inability to maintain sexual arousal within a committed, loving relationship' and that it 'is said to develop in men who see women as either saintly Madonnas or debased prostitutes.' It compartmentalises women into two simple categories - the pure and the tainted.
Turns out, many men are happy to make sweet, sweet love to their wives, but would be horrified to share with them their kinky side. So, they go looking for it somewhere else - e.g. a brothel.
And here's a controversial opinion… I am A-OK with it. Say for example, I had stuck it out with my Mr Perfect and he was happy to get his butt 'seen to' by a professional. I think I would be okay with that.
Or say, for example someone else meets their Mr Perfect and he secretly wants to suck toes, or run around the room in a diaper asking to be spanked. Would it really be that bad if he went and saw Janice* at the local brothel to get that kink sorted. Meanwhile we get to enjoy the tender love-making.
Heck, I would much rather my partner went to a professional than sidled up to the office hottie who might be willing to whip out the bondage equipment. We've all seen how messy affairs can get, but a quick roll in the hay with someone they won't be texting later… well, it seems a lot safer.
Don't get me wrong, I think a lot of husbands would be surprised to find out their wives are quite happy to spice up their love lives with some kinky good times. Good lord, just read some of the saucy secrets I share from women on my Instagram each Monday night. At our core, we're all a randy bunch, so why not try and to broach the topic before you drop a wad of cash somewhere else?
Jana thinks a lot of husbands would be surprised to find out their wives are quite happy to spice up their love lives
But if that all fails and you're both at a bit of a loss, there are other options available to you. Perhaps it could even help your relationship! He's not feeling like he's missing out on something he might like to explore, and you're not worried about him running off and having an emotional affair with someone else.
Oh, and I should mention that after dinner she offered to take a couple of us for a tour of the brothel, and all I can say is wow! It was not what I was expecting.
I had walked past this place for years knowing what kind of establishment it was and was always curious for a sneak peak, so I was chuffed I finally got to do it.
It looked a little rough on the outside, but inside it is plush! There were red velvet lounges in the waiting room, along with discreet signs reminding customers of their strict safe sex policy. (You love to see it!)
Each room had its own themes, like tiger print, black leather, pink satin, with bowls of condoms and a discreet shower in the corner.
And I have to say, it's far prettier than offices I've worked at. Still, not sure my libido could live up to the hype of the job. Hats off to you courtesans, and the madams who keep them running.