The 11 signs of a narcissist and how to spot their tricks, traits and 'tools' in seconds

A top behaviour expert has revealed how to spot a narcissist and avoid falling for their tricks. 

Scott Taylor told FEMAIL it is possible to have a relationship, platonic or romantic, with a narcissist as long as you are aware of the signs and know how to protect yourself. 

The 51-year-old, from Sydney, said while most people have narcissistic tendencies those with narcissism will use people around them as 'tools' to get their way. 

Scott has trained with the head of the FBI and the lead interrogator at Guantanamo Bay learning about 'body language, facial micro-expressions, deception detection, influential behaviours and statement and word analysis' and has worked in safety, security and risk for almost 30 years. 

He said narcissism is often wrongly attributed to vanity due to the Greek god the personality disorder is named after, Narcissus. 

A top behaviour expert has revealed how to spot a narcissist and avoid falling for their tricks

Scott Taylor told FEMAIL it is possible to have a relationship, platonic or romantic, with a narcissist as long as you are aware of the signs and know how to protect yourself 

'He was so fascinated with his own beauty that he couldn't stop looking in a pond of water until he died. Because of how it's communicated, people think it's about vanity but it's not just that,' he explained. 

'(Narcissists) are self-focused, they lack empathy, they're only concerned for themselves and people are tools to use towards their outcomes.'

Scott added that narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and are obsessed with having power and success because of their need for admiration and entitlement.

'Relationships in a lot of elements are like bank accounts. We make lots of deposits and the withdrawals we make determine whether it's a healthy bank balance or it's gone into overdraft,' Scott said. 

'With a narcissist, it's purely transactional to their benefit. All they care about is the withdrawals.'

He said while narcissists are often very charismatic, they also frequently 'fish for compliments' to satisfy their need for admiration and often display jealousy towards others. 

'If they start monitoring your movements, isolating you, gaslighting, denying things that are obvious, if they try and minimise your needs and opinions, these are some of the stronger ones you need to look out for,' Scott said. 

'They show frequent envy, rather than putting themselves up they'll show flashes of envy stronger than others, that's one people really don't commonly look for.'

Scott said a narcissist are self-focused, they lack empathy, they're only concerned for themselves and use people are tools to achieve their desired outcomes (stock image)

Narcissists are also very skilled at 'deviation' by making 'empty promises'. 

'You should focus on immediate action, steps and items from them, not promises because narcissists are great with empty promises, they fill the world with them,' he explained.

Scott said everyone has narcissistic qualities but that doesn't necessarily make them a narcissist. 

'We all have some want for validation and admiration but we don't underpin that by a pure belief in superiority and being above others,' he said. 

'Sometimes we want things for our own outcome, we want some admiration and we want and dream about power and success.

'But the difference with narcissists is that it's their sole motivating behaviour. It's underpinned by no empathy whatsoever so people become tools and transactional in relationships.'

Scott said when dealing with someone you suspect could be a narcissist you need to 'fit your own oxygen mask first'. 

He said people need to set boundaries and speak up in a 'calm and clear' manner when dealing with a narcissistic person but you need to have your self-esteem in check first. 

'You need to be aware of your own well-being and behaviours first. You need to focus on your own oxygen mask then everything works better,' he explained.

'If you're centred and calm first from putting on your own oxygen mask then having some awareness and understanding of that will better position you to deal with these sorts of things.'

Scott said when dealing with someone you suspect could be a narcissist you need to 'fit your own oxygen mask first' then set boundaries and speak up in a 'calm and clear' manner

READ MORE: Psychologist: This is how I can tell somebody is a narcissist just by how they argue with me

Scott said setting 'very clear and consistent' boundaries with someone you think may be narcissistic can break toxic patterns of behaviours. 

He recommended doing so in a calm manner to reduce the risk of provoking an aggressive or anger-based response. 

'Speak up calmly but specifically on the impact of their words and actions on your life,' he said. 

'Relate that back to, 'You've said this which has made me feel like this, and as I've mentioned before, here is my boundary for that. I can't accept that behaviour'.'

Scott said it is possible to have a relationship with a narcissist if you have those elements in place but it's important to know when to cut ties. 

'It's a matter of your risk appetite of what you're able to accept. You're accepting this person needs some additional support and assistance. It's important to have those other items I've mentioned first,' he said. 

'You can do that if you have those clear boundaries, you're calm and centred and you can speak up consistently and specifically about whether the behaviour is outside of your boundaries.'

Scott said once the behaviour starts becoming verbally or emotionally abusive and the person starts to gaslight then it's time to move on.