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JANA HOCKING: This is the unlikely sign that means your relationship is about to end - and even doctors agree with me
Boobs. We've all got them. But oh how these two mounds on our chest have created dramas throughout the ages.
For me, one of those dramas occurred last week. You see in a moment of weakness I went to a cosmetic surgeon for a consultation on a boob job.
Despite being blessed with C-Cup (occasionally D-Cup if I've enjoyed one too many cheeseburgers), I wanted an expert's opinion on whether they could sit a little higher, perhaps keep them a constant D Cup despite my yo-yoing weight.
I will confess that I don't mind the ol' boobies in a bra but as soon as I lay flat on my bed they turn to pancakes. I've previously made mention that my man-of-the-moment once stopped me during a nudie rudie session to tell me to stop holding my boobs up (cringe!) Seriously, I'm that anxious about them.
Blame it on porn where it would appear all woman's breasts seem to sit upright no matter what the angle. Blame it on Insta, where every influencer's tatas stand to attention in bikinis that defy gravity. Blame it on the lame dude who trolled me saying my boobs looked saggy.
Jana had a realisation last week: That booking in for a boob job is often a sign that a divorce is on the horizon
I'm embarrassed to say all these things add up, and that's how I found myself in a surgeon's office with my top off shouting 'Help me, Doc!'.
Bless his cotton socks, he took one look at them and told me I was being ridiculous and quickly put my anxieties to bed.
He did however share some very interesting intel with me that left me shook. He revealed that almost half of his married patients who get their boobs done end up leaving their husbands within a year or so.
His theory, and now mine, is that women come to him feeling frumpy, saggy, not sexy, like they've lost their spark. They want their boobs to sit where they did pre-kids. They want to feel attractive again.
He said they're usually overlooked by husbands who once desired them. Most complaining that they're now seen as mothers and house cleaners. Grim, grim, grim.
'I see many of them who are on the brink of leaving their husbands,' one surgeon said
I reached out to another surgeon for clarification that this is really happening and yes, he confirmed it.
'I'm seeing women in consultations who have reached their rock bottom. They want to feel desired again. They want curves, and a womanly figure. They come back in a month after surgery and I'm looking at a completely different person', the surgeon, who asked to remain anonymous, said.
'They've got that zest back for life. They're feeling sexy and alive. Yes, I see many of them who are on the brink of leaving their husbands. Many of my patients get breast augmentations post-divorce as well. They're getting ready to start dating again and want to feel confident and sexy.'
Veronica Lamarche, a senior lecturer of psychology at the University of Essex, recently spoke about why married women chose to get breast implants, saying 'they might reach for change they can easily control, like appearances'.
'When rejected, humans are motivated to fit in with others, such as becoming more attractive - we like positive enforcement. If change makes an ex-partner jealous, that can soften rejection; if it opens sexual opportunity with others, that can validate,' she added.
'Another friend has been secretly bonking her boss since she got a boob job,' Jana said
Talking to married friends about it this week, none of them were surprised. One girlfriend confessed she's barely had sex with her husband since the kids came along. Not for a lack of effort on her behalf. She said he simply stopped looking at her like a sexual partner and more like a flat mate.
Another friend has been secretly bonking her boss since she got a boob job.
'I walked back into the office after a two week break to get my boobs done and it's like I was a whole new person. The boss was treating me differently. In fact, men in general started noticing me,' she told me.
Her husband couldn't have given a hoot about her new chest but other men sure did. Suddenly she felt desirable again. Men wanted her, and to her surprise she wanted them right back.
One of my divorced male friends has told me no less than three times about the time he paid for his (now ex) wife's boob job only for her to run off and let someone else play with them.
But here's a question… did the boob job lead to the reason for the divorce or was it done in preparation for it?
Everyone knows how shallow the dating pool is right now. Does a small tweak to one's appearance give them the boost of confidence that is needed to make the scary jump back into it?
Heck we've seen men do it. Suddenly they're going to the gym, eating better, and god-forbid putting that horribly obvious hair dye in their greys to look younger. (Don't do it lads, its way more obvious than you think).
As shallow as it sounds, a good old fashioned boob job can do wonders for a girl's confidence. Heck, some women are now even partaking in the total 'mummy makeover' packages offered by many surgeons.
One surgeon who wanted to remain anonymous told me that he was able to buy his second house on that package alone.
There's no denying a better self-esteem leads to a better attitude. Maybe these women are just recognising that they deserve someone who makes them feel special and are striving for more. I don't hate that concept.
So, beware husbands. If your wife goes under the knife, you might want to start stepping up. You're about to have competition on your hands. Don't say you haven't been warned.