Back off OUR princess! Proud and irritated Brit CAROLINE BULLOCK hits back at cruel American 'Katespiracists' - from Kim K to Blake Lively and Andy Cohen - and says: Yes, Kate has something to hide... but it's none of your business!

Death, body doubles and Brazilian butt lifts – it's been an eventful time for Kate Middleton according to US conspiracy theorists.

Laid low by abdominal surgery, the Princess of Wales is finding recuperation has repercussions in a 24/7 mediascape demanding answers – especially Stateside, where Kate-baiting is everywhere, from primetime to the White House as speculation over her health and whereabouts hits fever pitch.

Meanwhile, time-rich online critics are spewing out ever more insane theories for her lack of visibility from botched plastic surgery, to a medically induced coma and even scurrilous rumors about the strength of her marriage.

They can't and won't be stopped.

This week's 'proof of life' footage of Kate and Prince William looking well and in good spirits at a local farm shop cut little ice with American naysayers.

Worse, as news broke Tuesday that staff at the hospital which treated Kate in January may have nefariously tried to access her medical files, the rumor mill kept on spinning.

Death, body doubles and Brazilian butt lifts - it's been an eventful time for Kate Middleton according to US conspiracy theorists.

Laid low by abdominal surgery, the Princess of Wales is finding recuperation has repercussions in a 24/7 mediascape demanding answers - especially Stateside, where Kate-baiting is everywhere, from primetime to the White House as speculation over her health and whereabouts hits fever pitch.

'That ain't Kate,' blabbed loud-mouth TV host Andy Cohen on X – formerly Twitter – seemingly convinced the farm-shop footage involved a Kate 'lookalike'.

But was the aging Housewife hysteric slapped down for such childish musings? Did a bit of common sense prevail?

Not a bit. The frenzied agreement among many of his 2.5 million followers was that he hadn't gone far enough.

'FACTUAL,' screeched American Horror Story actress Sarah Paulson in reply.

Now, here's a disclaimer: As a proud Brit, I accept that I am naturally more reverential towards our Royal Family.

But, watching in horror as speculation across the pond has reached dystopian heights in recent weeks, I must admit that I'm a little disappointed.

It always seemed to me that the American people had respect and admiration for our 1200-year-old institution, with its peerless pomp and pageantry making it the envy of the world.

All of which renders this sudden transatlantic crowing free-for-all a shocking new low in US-UK relations.

It really isn't a good look to use a mother-of-three – stricken by serious illness – as a vehicle for entertainment… or in a bid to bolster your own fame.

Indeed, returning to that clicks-junkie Cohen – who appeared alongside comedian John Oliver on his titular show Watch What Happens Live last week – we were treated to this contemptible exchange:

'There's a non-zero chance [Kate] died 18 months ago… They might be Weekend at Bernie's-ing this situation,' said Oliver to boisterous guffaws from Cohen.

What a disgusting pair.

Elsewhere, the full cast of miserables waded in.

Kim Kardashian hit a big-bum note as she signed off an Instagram post with: 'On my way to go find Kate'.

Perhaps she could pick up some dignity down there in the gutter?

Kim Kardashian hit a big-bum note as she signed off an Instagram post with: 'On my way to go find Kate'. Perhaps she could pick up some dignity down there in the gutter?

Meanwhile, self-proclaimed feminist Blake Lively took a swipe at Kate's much-derided Mother's Day Photoshop fail, posting her own heavily edited picture in a bid to sell a new line of drinks. Classy!

Then came Harry and Meghan pal Christopher Bouzy – a tech CEO who boasts that he started coding aged 9, and who appeared in the Sussexes' whining Netflix docuseries – adding fuel to the dumpster fire.

He wildly tweeted Wednesday morning – notably after the shocking revelation of the alleged 'hack' of Kate's medical data – that 'Windsor Farm Kate looks ten years younger than Kate. So no, we haven't seen Kate in public yet.'

'I [am not] a conspiracy theorist,' he helpfully added.

Certainly, as one of the most famous women in the world, increased scrutiny can be expected for Kate.

The Palace also has a lot to answer for the mess surrounding that botched photo edit and the ensuing international fallout.

Fighting fake news with a faked picture – and an informational blackout – was a gift to the online sleuths and 'know it alls' obsessed with exposing some sort of darker 'truth'.

'Never complain, never explain,' was the late Queen Elizabeth's ever-sensible mantra – but the Royals should be doing better to reclaim the narrative.

Indeed, when the British monarchy becomes the joke of the day at the White House, the credibility of this most beloved institution risks being seriously undermined.

In reference to the Photoshop scandal, press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre was asked last week by a reporter if the White House ever digitally altered photos of President Biden.

'Why does the [British] monarchy have anything to do with us? No that's not something we do here,' Jean-Pierre answered, amid much sniggering from the press pack.

Subtext: We would never be that stupid.

Self-proclaimed feminist Blake Lively took a swipe at Kate's much-derided Mother's Day Photoshop fail, posting her own heavily edited picture in a bid to sell a new line of drinks. Classy!

The modern monarchy may not hold the same mystique it did when helmed by Queen Elizabeth. How could it in the face of the never-ending tit-for-tat out of Montecito – Harry and Meghan's Royal titles still intact as Meghan prepares to hawk her new homeware brand online?

Undoubtedly, the crown jewels have been tarnished. But that is no reason to beat the Princess of Wales with the proverbial diamond sceptre.

The truth is, Kate has been hiding something. Personal and confidential medical details are a basic right most of us take for granted. She deserves no different.

That might not sit well in a world where everyone has become too used to privacy-invading social-media pile ons. A world where the line between fact and fiction is blurring and distorting beyond recognition.

But it is the truth. So please now back off our Princess.