YouTuber Alivia D'Andrea reveals how her 3yr 'glow-up' shed 30 pounds but RUINED her life in heart-wrenching documentary: 'Bleeding feet, acne and an eating disorder'

A popular YouTuber has revealed the painstaking reality of transformative weight loss, claiming the journey to becoming 32lbs lighter and clear-skinned 'ruined' her life.

Alivia D'Andrea, 23, who has 2.8 million subscribers to her YouTube videos in which she posts about her exercise and dieting routines, has documented her epic 'glow-up' in a 25-minute documentary that shows its unsightly toll - including bruised, bleeding feet, binge eating, and disabling depression. 

In one clip, viewers see D'Andrea seek out hospital treatment for agonizing abdominal pain, triggered by the binge eating episodes that began shortly after her glow up journey again. 

In another, the young musician shares clips of her feet covered in blood following a grueling treadmill workout in which she pushed herself 'to my limits' in order to achieve her ideal body.

Ultimately, the young influencer says she was consumed by a relentless drive to 'destroy my old self,' which ultimately resulted in her 'losing the will to live.'

The left shows Alivia D'Andrea in April 2020 and the right is her after her 'glow-up' in December of 2020

The above photos show the Youtuber before (left) and after (right) her extreme diet and fitness regimen

Binge eating episodes that occur once a week for three months may be considered binge eating disorder, according to the National Institutes for Health.

This is a common eating disorder, affecting around two million US adults. It's characterized by eating a large amount of food in a short amount of time and feeling like you can’t control what or how much you are eating.

Many patients also engage in restrictive eating as a means of self-punishment, which leads to a harmful cycle. 

The harmful impacts of Ms D'Andrea's weight-loss regime forced her to shut down her lucrative YouTube channel in January 2021, until she reemerged online to share the new documentary last month.

D'Andrea's documentary comes amidst expert warnings of the glamorization of 'glow ups' and extreme weight loss diets, particularly for teenagers and young adults in developing bodies.

Glow up culture reinforces the pervasive idea that people are only valuable when their bodies look a certain way, Kirsten Oelklaus, a social worker and director of the outpatient eating disorder clinic Bellatore Recovery, told British Vogue. 

Glow up goals 'also reinforce a major misconception many have been trying to move away from in our culture, that measures of weight and size are a reflection of someone’s health and happiness,' Oelklaus said. 

This can be damaging to the mental health of young adults, who are impressionable to this sort of content. For example, Katie Bell, a founder of the Healthy Teen Project, shared a story online of a teen who was hospitalized after being inspired by glow up trends to lose almost half her body weight.

In addition, the editing of these videos can make it seem like losing weight should be a fast process, Marianne Trent, a clinical psychologist, told Cosmopolitan. 

At the beginning of the vlogs, D'Andrea struggled with her acne, but was able to manage it within a year

In a bid to fast-track weight loss, D'Andrea developed extreme exercise habits, like doing cardio exercises such as running until she was 'pushed past my limits'

Glow up videos 'can lead to people taking unhealthy approaches, Googling things like "how to lose weight quickly." Seeing repeated clips where people are looking preened and perfect can impact even the most robust of minds,' Trent said. 

D'Andrea's documentary, entitled, 'Glow up Diaries The Movie', has so far garnered 3.6million views and earned her a spike of approximately 70,000 new followers, according to social media analyst websites.

The very beginning of her transformation began at 17 years old in October 2018, when she started to document her weight loss journey on her YouTube channel via a series she called 'Glow up Diaries'. 

Her original goal, she stated, was to transform herself before she went away to college in California. This included losing weight and treating her painful cystic acne. 

Early tactics included cutting out processed food and swapping treats like ice cream for low-calorie alternatives. She also upped her exercise routines and incorporated more holistic methods of self-improvement, like journaling and reading. 

Clips show countless cardio sessions outdoors and on treadmills, stair masters, and hiking up mountains. She rotated through different callisthenic practices as well, at different points trying yoga, dance, Pilates and weight training. 

Six months into the process, D'Andrea hadn't seen many changes in her skin through the traditional treatments she'd been using - including clay face masks, steaming her face and adjusting her diet. 

So, D'Andrea began taking the acne medication isotretinoin, known by the brand name Accutane, and saw her skin concerns start to resolve within months. 

But weight loss proved harder, and she struggled to shed as much as she wanted to over the next couple years.

She would shed pounds for a short of amount of time, weighing in at 122lbs in October 2018, down from her baseline of 128 pounds. But she would gain it back, checking in at 135lbs in February 2019. 

 'When your feelings get hurt this much you can't help but become consumed by darkness. I wanted to destroy my old self,' she said in the documentary. 

In a bid to fast-track the weight loss, she developed extreme exercise habits, like doing cardio exercises such as running until she was 'pushed past my limits.'

D'Andrea would exercise until her feet bled in pursuit of her 'perfect body'

D'Andrea shared videos explaining her binges, which frequently included fast-food favorites like McDonald's

In one clip she shows her foot covered in blood after a workout, drenching her socks. 

It was during this period D'Andrea admits she developed an unhealthy binge eating and restriction food cycle.

When she felt bad about her body, she would eat high-calorie foods, like pastries and chips, uncontrollably in order to try and self soothe. Clips from a video about her 'food addiction' show her eating hamburgers, chicken nuggets and fries. 

Eventually, while spending time at home during the Covid-19 pandemic, D'Andrea lost her desired amount of weight.

In a triumphant video posted to her channel in January 2021, she showed off her slender body, stepping into jeans she previously couldn't button up.

She'd lost a total of 32 pounds. Her three prong approach included nutrition, cardio and strength training, as dictated by celebrity personal trainer Steve Zim.

But the new documentary reveals that, despite appearances, D'Andrea was far from happy at this point. Maintaining the weight meant she was forced to restrict her food intake and exercise excessively, to the point it was all she could think about.

'I couldn't maintain a balance in my life and as a result I couldn't hold onto my dream body,' she said. 

Already, some of the lost weight had begun to creep back on, causing 'intense self-hatred'. By the end of January 2021 D'Andrea had deleted her YouTube channel in a bid to safeguard her mental health.

Six months after the 'glow up' was complete, in August 2021, she was diagnosed with depression.

'I couldn't feel anything and was losing my will to live,' she said. 

D'Andrea shared footage never before seen of her journey, revealing for the first time how difficult it had been for her. 

D'Andrea kept recording herself. Footage from early 2022 shows her beginning to work through how unhappy her transformation had made her. 

'The main intent of that journey was for me to glow up and be happy and here I am at the end of my journey and I'm really, really unhappy. Probably more unhappy then I've ever been,' she said. 

As she came to terms with her emotions, her 'inner glow up' began through therapy and new daily rituals, like trying to change her pattern of thinking. 

She said she broke the habit of negative self talk by telling herself, 'It's okay. It's okay that you're not perfect. It's okay that you were self critical.'

And she began going to therapy.

Now, D'Andrea is in a place of self acceptance.

She said: 'Self-acceptance is a daily practice. Ultimately you end up with the tools for maintaining your self worth and that’s when you know you’ve glowed up and are ready to go on that external transformation if you want to.'