DEAR JANE: My wife gave up drinking - and it's RUINED our marriage... can I divorce her over her sobriety?

Dear Jane,

This is a bit of an awkward situation because I feel terrible about 'tattling' on my wife – but I don't really know where else to turn because I'm not sure my marriage is going to survive much longer without some serious help.

Six months ago, my wife came to me and said that she wanted to give up drinking because she was worried that it was contributing to her anxiety and causing her some health issues. It came as a bit of a shock to me because she'd never mentioned wanting to quit alcohol before, but I said I'd happily support her in whatever she wanted to do, but explained that it wasn't a lifestyle choice I was willing to make.

At the time, she said she understood that, and insisted that she'd never expect me to quit doing something just because she had decided to.

In the first few weeks of her sobriety, things were very up and down. She was very easily irritated, grumpy, and much more stressed than I've ever seen her. So much so that I actually didn't want to drink when she was around because I worried it would send her into an even worse mood!

Dear Jane, my wife suddenly decided to quit drinking - and it's taken a huge toll on our marriage. Would I be a terrible person if I divorced her because she's sober? 

About a month in, she decided to try a different tactic – and began experimenting with marijuana. I should point out, we live in a state where weed is completely legal, but it's never been something either of us have been interested in.

Well apparently, she didn't know what she was missing, and she's since started using it in almost every form. Smoking it, eating gummies, even using a tincture in her water. And for the most part it's seemed to relax her much more than alcohol ever did.

But here's the thing, and I feel awful for saying it, she's become a completely different person over the past six months. She doesn't want to go out anymore or hang out with our friends, because she can't partake in drinking with the rest of us, and she says she doesn't feel comfortable telling them that she's using marijuana instead.

Whenever I suggest that we grab drinks or go out to eat, she says she's not in the mood and would feel better if we just stayed at home.

She's also started making snide comments about my drinking. Just stupid stuff like, 'oh, you're having another glass of wine?' but for whatever reason it's really getting to me.

I don't want to stop her from making changes that are helping her health and her wellbeing, but it feels like the woman I married eight years ago has completely vanished. And I'm not sure I like the person left in her place.

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers' most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

Does this mean my marriage is over?

From,

Heavy Pour

Dear Heavy Pour,

It does not sound like your marriage is over by any means, but it does sound as if your marriage is in need of help. You need to know that what breaks a marriage up is often not a big, terrible thing, but rather the tiny, unspoken things that build and build, until repairing things seems insurmountable.

It's interesting that your wife has put down the alcohol and taken up marijuana, and no surprise that it relaxes her so much, she's losing interest in many of the things the two of you have enjoyed.

I have no idea whether or not your wife would consider herself an addict or an alcoholic, but I do know that it is enormously difficult to cut out the things that help us get through the day, even when we know they are causing us harm. And, harder still to do this alone. 

Both of you need support, your wife to help her understand why she is making the choices she makes, whether she is using substances to numb feelings that are uncomfortable, and indeed to help her figure out what is best for her.

You will find enormous support in al-anon. Whether or not your wife is willing or able to give up the marijuana, you need to be in a room with others who know exactly what you are going through and what you are feeling. 

There is tremendous support in this community, ostensibly for friends and family of addicts and alcoholics, but, as anyone who has ever been in al-anon (myself included) will tell you, it is a program that will transform your life. It will teach you how powerless we are over other people's behavior, and that our responsibility in this life is to learn to detach from behaviors that harm us, with love.

I wish you both, individually and together, so much luck.

Dear Jane,

I've sunk myself into pretty awful debt because I can't seem to overcome my obsessive desire to shop online. I work in a pretty rough job that causes me a lot of stress for what is not a huge amount of money. 

I had to move cities for my work so I don't have a lot of friends or much of a social life – and on weekends, all I find myself doing is scrolling on different websites and buying random things to try and give myself a little spark of joy.

Initially it was just a small purchase here or there, but the rush I got when a package arrived on my doorstep was just too good to resist. 

So I started buying more stuff, from clothes to home décor, toys for my dog, a new kitchen appliance… just happily sticking it all on my credit card while telling myself they were all small enough items that it wouldn't really make a huge difference.

But now those small purchases have piled up and my credit card bills are huge. So huge that I actually can't afford to pay them.

I'm so stressed out about my finances but ironically that stress is just pushing me to buy more things in a desperate attempt to forget how much trouble I'm in.

How do I stop this insane cycle?

From,

Compulsive Shopper

Dear Compulsive Shopper,

This is the second letter about addiction, and whilst some might say shopping isn't nearly as dangerous as drugs or alcohol, your credit card company might say differently.

The dopamine hit you get each time you put something on your credit card overrules all common sense, and living with the subsequent shame is debilitating and harmful, but it's almost impossible to stop by yourself.

As with the above letter, I strongly suggest you find a self-help group, or investigate a 12-step program like Debtors Anonymous or Spenders Anonymous to help get the support you need. 

Most of these programs will not only provide you with a community of people who have gone through exactly what you are going through and are willing to share their experience, strength and hope, if you find a sponsor they will work with you to work through the steps and build tools in your day-to-day life that will make it easier to walk away.

You can visit http://spenders.org/abstinence.html for more information on how these groups can help you. There may well be a meeting local to you, but if not, there are plenty of meetings online. 

Wishing you well.