DEAR JANE: I don't care about love and only want to marry for MONEY - I'm not a gold digger, I'm just a realist

Dear Jane,

I'm a 29-year-old woman who has never really been in a serious relationship. I've had flings here and there, some that have lasted for months, and others that have just been for a few days. 

I know that probably sounds strange to some people, but I've never really been focused on finding my one true love, or settling down in a happy, blissful marriage.

As far as I'm concerned, the only reason to get married is to ensure financial security. I'm happy on my own and don't need to give up my time and energy on going out on dates with guys who aren't going to be able to provide me with a more comfortable lifestyle than I'm able to give myself.

So when it comes to actually dating, I will only entertain advances from a guy if I know that he is bringing a sizable bank account to the table.

Dear Jane, I refuse to marry for love and am only interested in tying the knot with a man who will provide me with financial security - how do I make people see I'm not a gold digger? 

To me, this makes sense. But to my family and friends, I'm a 'heartless gold digger'. They won't stop going on about how I'm 'using' men for my own gain, and how 'cruel' it is to take such a hardline view of dating.

The thing is, I'm not lying to anyone. I'm not pretending that I'm head-over-heels in love with guys just because I think they're rich. Nor am I seeking these men out. They come to me. And, if I think they're worthy, I agree to go out on a date with them.

I don't see that being a problem?

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers' most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

But after making the mistake of sharing my dating philosophy with my close friends and relatives, it's all they can talk about. My mom has told me I need therapy, and my friends are now telling every guy they know to steer clear of me in case I try to drain their bank accounts.

How do I make everyone butt out of my business?

From,

Cold Hard Love

Dear Cold Hard Love,

I think the best way of making everyone butt out of your business is to stop sharing your dating philosophy with anyone. 

Quite frankly, given your beliefs, this would seem to be the best way of ensnaring some poor fool with money to spare; the more you share your feelings with the world, the more people will know, and the less likely it is you will find someone.

I find it sad that for you marriage, and relationships, are purely about financial security. I wonder what your childhood was like, and what happened to you that shut down your ability to fall in love. 

If you haven't seen a therapist, you might find it interesting to start exploring this, because whilst not necessary, love can be the most healing and transformative thing of all.

Of course, marriages that are more like business arrangements happen all the time, which would seem to be what you are looking for. 

Granted, if the man in question knows this is the deal, you're right, there is nothing wrong with that. But your mom has said what I suspect many of us think – you are the one missing out, and although love isn't an automatic by-product of therapy, it is worth doing the work to ensure your life is as fulfilling and happy as it can be.