DEAR JANE: I lost 50LBS after years of struggling with my weight - now my best friend is refusing to speak to me because of my new look

Dear Jane,

I've spent most of my life being the chubby friend. And I say that with no resentment whatsoever - in fact it's something that I relished in for many years. I formed a pretty great sense of humor and happily became the funny one of my friendship group. 

It might sound like a cliché to some, but entertaining people made me so happy. Making people laugh with me, and not at me, made me so happy.

I may not have been the pretty one, or the skinny one, but I never really cared. And I formed an incredible group of close friends through high school and college, none of whom ever made me feel like I was the 'big one' among them.

Dear Jane, I lost 50lbs after going through some serious medical struggles - and while many of my friends complimented me for it, my closest pal has completely turned against me

Well a year or so ago, I was diagnosed with some health issues and had to undergo a number of pretty serious surgical procedures, while also making some major lifestyle changes - cutting out a lot of food, giving up alcohol for a while... you get the idea.

As a result, without trying, I started dropping weight.

Remarkably, my role in my friendship group changed. Suddenly people were complimenting me on how great I looked, how much weight I'd lost... and the whole thing made me so uncomfortable. 

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Here they were praising me for something I had absolutely no control over, and that had actually come only as the result of a serious health problem.

But there was one friend in our group - the person who I would have said was my closest friend - who seemed to take a serious dislike to my weight loss. 

All of a sudden she started poking fun at me at every available opportunity... whenever anyone complimented my weight loss, she'd make a snide comment like, 'Oh if only we could all get surgery and lose weight,' as though I'd had liposuction instead of a major surgical procedure.

She's stopped answering my texts, won't ever hang out with me one-on-one, and to be honest I've had it with her.

I'm devastated that our friendship might truly end because of this, but I don't know how I can forgive her for being so vile when all I've ever done is support her?

Do I just cut her out for good or should I try and explain my side?

From,

Feeling Small

Dear Feeling Small,

Please don't be devastated at this friendship ending, because this is not how a true friend behaves. 

True friends are not threatened by another's transformation, in fact, they applaud and support them. True friends do not make snide comments, and nor do they 'ghost', and stop answering texts with no explanation.

It is unbelievably painful to be treated like this by someone we thought was a good friend, but jealousy if always a deal breaker, and this behavior smacks of jealousy. 

There is nothing at all you have to forgive her for. Let her be, and know that you deserve to be surrounded by people who love and support you, and treat you with kindness and respect.

Never chase after people who treat you badly, however much you think you may be able to excuse that behavior by looking at their own childhood trauma or damage. 

The bottom line is that you deserve to be treated well, and you need to let go of the people who are not able to do that.