I found my friend dead after he took his own life - I still blame myself

A man tragically revealed how he still blames himself for the death of his friend following his suicide nearly 30 years ago.

The Reddit user posted on the platform Thursday under the title: 'I found my friend after he had taken his life with a shotgun, I still blame myself. 

He wrote: 'This happened back in January of 96 when I was 18, he was the same age'.

The pair had grown up in a town with a population of 2,500 and graduated from high school in 1995 with a class of less than 60 kids.

The original poster (OP) said he and his late friend spent a lot of time together from kindergarten through graduation - and was aware his buddy was having 'issues' with his girlfriend. 

A Reddit user expressed the guilt he still feels about his friend's death nearly 30 years ago. Pictured: stock image not of the teens involved

The original poster (OP) found his friend dead as the result of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in January 1996 when they were teenagers. Pictured: stock image not of the teens involved

The pair frequently hung out together after school and the OP even recalled using his late friend's satellite dish to watch porn. 

He then went on to describe the last time he saw his friend alive.  

He said: 'I was aware of him and his girl having some issues, typical teenage BS as far as I knew nothing major'.

He explained that while the two were watching their girlfriends play basketball, his friend left just before or after the game ended.

The OP revealed that his friend asked him to leave with him, but he declined so that he could spend time with his girlfriend.

'Me being the horny teen I was wanted to wait for my girlfriend in hopes I'd be able to get lucky before she had to be home (spoiler I didn't),' he wrote.

Once he dropped his girlfriend off back to her house, the OP decided to check on his friend and see if he was doing better.

'When I got there no one was home but lights were on and his car was in the driveway,' he wrote.

'So I went to the bottom of his stairs and yelled up at him, I got no answer but I heard Van Halen playing so I assumed he just didn't hear me and headed up the steps.'

Once he went into his friends room, he found him face down on his bed wearing rolled up blue jeans.

According to the OP, his friend died by a self inflicted gunshot wound and used his toe to pull the trigger.

'Shotgun close by and blood everywhere, I was stupid enough to get close enough to see things no one of any age should see,' he wrote. 

The OP raced down the stairs to call the police but discovered that his friend had unhooked the phone before he killed himself.

Not knowing what else to do, the Reddit user said he went to see his girlfriend. 

The pair frequently hung out together after school and had been friends for years. The two of them hung out more as soon as they began romantic relationships. Pictured: stock image not of the teens involved

'I drove to my girlfriend's house and my mind was struggling with what I had seen rejecting it as not reality,' he wrote.

'Her and her family finally convinced me to call the police which I did and they arrived thankfully before his parents arrived to find him which is the only saving grace of this whole thing.'

But he added: 'If I had gone with him after the game he might still be alive'.  

As time went on, the OP said his girlfriend's relationship began to deteriorate due in part to his friend's death.

'My then girlfriend and I lasted a bit longer after that but I think the event made me put undue pressure on her,' he wrote.

'She was my safe space and I believe I became a bit obsessed with her to be honest and it ended up driving her away not long after.'

In the years since his friend's death, the OP said he did manage to find a bit of happiness.

He drove to his girlfriend's house almost immediately after he found his friend and their relationship began to decline after the suicide

He revealed that he is now married and has a 16-year-old son who is 'autistic and amazing.'

'We live the American middle class life she teaches I have a technology consulting business and we get by,' he said. 

'So no the guilt has not ruined my life but it has shaped who I am today, probably in ways I couldn't express.'

He claimed in a comment that he doesn't believe he has spoken to his friend's then girlfriend since his death.

The OP has seen his late friend's parents several times and while they are always nice to him, the Reddit user admitted that he 'can't stomach seeing them.'

Reddit users who have seen the post have asked many questions about the situation and others have comforted the OP in the comment section. 

Reddit users have been asking the OP several questions about his friends suicide and have also offered their support to the post creator

'I know you say you feel like it's your fault and I know this will sound like a broken record but it is absolutely not your fault,' one Reddit user commented.

'You not going with him that night was not the reason he did that.'

Another user gave his condolences to the OP and recounted memories of what it was like when his oldest friend committed suicide.