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Does being good looking mean better sex? Tracey Cox reveals the truth about how looks impact your love life - as beautiful people claim it can be a real burden

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When it comes to sex, beauty often takes centre stage.

We all tend to assume the better looking you are, the more sex there is on offer and the more you’re having it.

But is the myth - that beauty equals sexual satisfaction – true? I looked at research and anecdotal evidence to find out.

British relationship and sex expert Tracey Cox says beautiful people do have more sex partners (stock photo)

British relationship and sex expert Tracey Cox says beautiful people do have more sex partners (stock photo)

Beautiful people do have more sex partners

This much is true. US social psychologist Justin Lehmiller reviewed scientific research to find out whether attractive people do have more sexual partners and found three different studies that came to the same conclusion – yes.

DOES BEING GOOD LOOKING MAKE YOU LAZY IN BED?

There isn’t specific scientific research that conclusively proves super attractive people are lazy during sex. But there’s plenty of anecdotal evidence out there.

'I’ve never had worse sex. She made me feel that her just being in my bed should be enough. Not once did she use her hand or mouth to give me pleasure.'

'He’d watch himself in the mirror, clearly very impressed with what he saw. Having sex with me was more about showing off the results of all that training than it was connecting with me.'

'There was a lot of "let’s both admire how wonderful I look" and a real shortage of "let’s both explore how we can give each other pleasure".'

That’s a mere snippet of the negative comments people sent when I asked their experience of sleeping with a beauty.

Some of this may be attributed to the ‘halo effect’: a cognitive bias where our perception of a person’s attractiveness influences our judgements about their other qualities.

For some that’s positive – they’re attractive so must also be intelligent and socially skilled. Others assume negative traits: they’re lazy or entitled. The stereotypical beauty is often portrayed as being self-centred, vain and less committed in relationships.

This might be true in some cases. But not all gorgeous people are shallow – and they’re not all dud lays either.

Very good-looking people do sleep with more people, probably because they have more opportunity than the rest of us.

The downside to this for their partners is that they may take sex for granted and be less grateful when they get it. If you know there will be 10 others lining up to take their place, you’re less invested in making sure your current encounter works out.

There’s no proof beauty increases sexual satisfaction

Several studies have explored the link between physical attractiveness and sexual satisfaction.

One found no correlation between beauty and satisfaction: factors like communication, emotional connection and sexual compatibility were what counted.

Another showed the vital ingredient is how beautiful WE think we look, not how others see us. Our own perception of our attractiveness is more important for sexual satisfaction than our actual physical beauty.

Looking hot doesn’t make you want sex more either. Our ‘resting libido’ – the amount of sex we want in a relationship a year or so in – is largely determined by genetics not appearance.

Being compatible in bed trumps looking hot

What we like doing and being done to us sexually plays a far more crucial role than looks in how happy you are in bed. If you’re an adventurous lover who’s partial to sex outdoors, it won’t matter how gorgeous a person is if they’re only up for sex-in-the-dark-and-only-in bed sessions.

One study found while looks influence initial attraction, they have a minimal impact on long-term relationship satisfaction or sexual compatibility.

Beauty might draw people together, but it doesn’t guarantee fulfilling sex.

Being desired raises sexual self-esteem

Knowing you are more appealing than the average person does mean you’re likely to be more body confident. And this puts you one big step ahead of the rest when it comes to enjoying yourself with a lover.

A landmark 2012 review of 57 studies, spanning two decades of research, found significant links between body image and just about every factor associated with sex: arousal, desire, orgasm, frequency of sex and sexual self-esteem.

Another recent study pinpointed feeling desired as the number one thing that turns women on. Researchers surveyed 662 straight women in a relationship to find out factors that made them more likely to lust after their partner. Being viewed as attractive and desirable by their partner was the most significant factor in determining desire.

Tracey (pictured) said: 'Very good-looking people do sleep with more people, probably because they have more opportunity than the rest of us'

Tracey (pictured) said: 'Very good-looking people do sleep with more people, probably because they have more opportunity than the rest of us'

Average people can be confident too

But just because you look sexy doesn’t mean you feel sexy. Feeling desirable is an attitude, not a look. Plenty of people with perfect bodies are hung up on perceived imperfections.

I’M BEAUTIFUL AND IT MAKES SEX HARDER NOT EASIER

Kia, 26, is an underwear model

'I’m pretty sure I’m mostly asked out just because I have a good body. It’s not a nice feeling. I’ve had guys ask me to walk around naked while they sit there and watch and touch themselves. I’m a person, not a sex toy! I’m given endless compliments about my breasts, my legs, my bum, but my boyfriend of two years is the first person who saw me. He told me he loved the way I smelt and how our bodies fit together. No wonder I chose him.'

Jamie, 22, is a model and footballer

'It’s ridiculous to think looks don’t matter. There’s no way I’d pull women the way I do, if I was short, skinny, and ugly. That’s a fact of life - but it doesn’t make me vain. There’s a pressure on good-looking people when you first sleep with someone. I’m confident being naked but I worry my penis doesn’t look big enough compared to my body. I’m not sure I last long enough either. All my friends think I’ve got it all sorted because women like me. But it’s only when I get to know a girl that my performance anxiety becomes manageable. I might look confident but I’m just as insecure about sex as the next guy.'

Confidence is what really matters – and that’s not exclusive to the beautiful. People of all shapes, sizes and appearance can possess confidence and be self-assured.

Good-looking people can be more anxious

The beauty-blessed are often acutely aware that their most valued asset – their looks – will one day fade.

An extremely beautiful person is often complimented exclusively on their looks: few get past it to see what else they have to offer. Mr or Ms Average are far more likely to be told they’re funny, clever, or kind.

Looks are affected by health, weight, time, money, fitness – a whole host of things, not all within our control. Personality traits are less likely to change over time.

They’re less likely to let loose sexually

If your appeal relies mostly on how you look, you’re often more inhibited in bed. Good sex means being in the moment, closing your eyes and focusing on what you’re feeling, not on how you’re looking.

If you’re unwilling to try that new position in case it makes you look less than perfect or worried about getting sweaty for fear of ruining your hair or makeup, neither of you are going to enjoy yourselves.

The best sex is about chemistry and connection

That’s the conclusion of the main body of research – and mine, after researching and writing about sex for decades.

Neither have anything to do with how each of you rate on the attractiveness scale.

Kissing someone’s lips and feeling like you’ve met your person. Being mesmerised by a person’s body because it belongs to them. Wanting to give pleasure, be willing to explore and compromise. Lying beside each other for hours and wishing you could stay there forever.

Beauty might catch the eye, but looks play a surprisingly small part in sexual happiness and satisfaction.

Want more information about sex and relationships? Visit traceycox.com for her blog, podcast details, books and product ranges.

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