Late Miss USA 2019 Cheslie Kryst lays bare in her own words how horrifying online abuse by trolls led to her suicide at AGE 30 as her heartbreaking postmortem memoir is published two years after she jumped to her death

Late Miss USA 2019 Cheslie Kryst's agonizing behind-the-scenes battle with horrifying online trolls has been revealed in the former beauty queen's gut-wrenching postmortem memoir - two years after she leapt to her death at age 30. 

Back in January 2022, the pageant world was left shattered when Cheslie jumped to her death from the 29th floor of her apartment building in New York City, only three years after she became the oldest woman to ever earn the Miss USA title.

Now, a tell-all book written by the pageant queen before her passing is set to shed some light on how the immense backlash that she faced in the wake of her Miss USA win lead to her sadly deciding to take her own life.

Her mom, April Simpkins, 56, who is a co-author on the tome, explained to People magazine recently that her daughter left a suicide note stating that her last dying wish was to get the book published.

Miss USA 2019 Cheslie Kryst has revealed how nasty trolls who questioned her win lead to her tragically ending her own life at age 30 in a shocking postmortem memoir

Back in January 2022, the pageant world was left shattered when Cheslie jumped to her death from the 29th floor of her apartment building in New York City 

 Her death came only three years after she became the oldest woman to ever earn the Miss USA title. She's seen in December 2021, one month before her passing

Now, a tell-all book written by the pageant queen before her passing is set to shed some light on how the immense backlash that she faced in the wake of her Miss USA win lead to her sadly deciding to take her own life

In an excerpt from the memoir, obtained by the publication, Cheslie recalled battling an 'unshakable feeling that she did not belong' and an 'inner voice' that repeatedly told her she was 'never enough.'

She explained that her 'long-standing insecurities' were only worsened after she was crowned as Miss USA - due to the harsh reaction from the public.

She said haters would comment with 'vomit face emoji's' on her Instagram following her win in 2019, and even recalled one person 'telling her to kill herself' in a private message.

'All of this only added to my long-standing insecurities - the feeling that everyone around me knew more than I did, that everyone else was better at my job, and that I didn’t deserve this title,' she wrote. 

'People would soon find out I was a fraud. I felt like an imposter, but not just in pageants.'

Cheslie remembered constantly having 'panicky thoughts and feelings of inadequacy' during the press tour after the competition.

'I meticulously picked apart each of my responses and kicked myself for not using a better word or saying a profound phrase or interjecting humor or throwing out a useful stat,' she continued. 

'I had to be perfect because I had to represent for all youth, women, and Black people who also wanted to be in the room but had been denied access.' 

Her mom, April Simpkins (seen with Cheslie), 56, who is a co-author on the tome, told People that her daughter left a suicide note stating that her last wish was to get the book published

In an excerpt from the memoir, obtained by the publication, Cheslie (seen in 2020) recalled battling an 'unshakable feeling that she did not belong' 

She explained that her 'long-standing insecurities' were only worsened after she was crowned as Miss USA - due to the harsh reaction from the public

She said haters would comment with 'vomit face emoji's' on her Instagram following her win in 2019, and even recalled one person 'telling her to kill herself' in a private message 

During the book, Cheslie's mom April, a former pageant winner herself, shared the heartbreaking text message that her daughter sent her on the day that she ended her own life.

'I’m sorry. By the time you get this, I won’t be alive anymore, and it makes me even more sad to write this because I know it will hurt you the most,' it read.

'I love you mom, and you are my best friend, and the person I've lived for for years. I wish I could say with you, but I cannot bear the crushing weight of persistent sadness, hopelessness, and loneliness any longer.

'I've never told you these feelings, because I never wanted you to worry, and because I hoped they would eventually change, but I know they never will. 

'They follow me through every accomplishment, success, family gather, friendly dinner - I cry almost every day now, like I'm in mourning.

'I wished for death for years. And I know you would want to know and want to help, but I haven't wanted to share this weight with anyone.

'Regardless of that, thank you sincerely being there for me in some of my loneliness moments without me even telling you I needed you. 

During the book, Cheslie's mom April, a former pageant winner herself, shared the heartbreaking text message that her daughter sent her on the day that she ended her own life

'By the time you get this, I won’t be alive anymore, and it makes me even more sad to write this because I know it will hurt you the most,' it read. Cheslie is seen days before her passing

Throughout the tome, April praised her daughter for 'finding a way to smile, love, and give' despite her depression trying to constantly 'rob her of joy with feelings of unworthiness'

'You have kept me alive and ready to face another day, because you answer every phone call and you are there for me at the drop of a hat. 

'You listen to me and care when I tell you what goes on in my life and you've always made me feel as if you loved me.

'I love you more than any person I've ever known. You've done nothing wrong, you've done everything right. I no longer feel like I have any purpose in life. I don't know if I ever really did.'

'My brain couldn’t register the words on the screen. I read them again and screamed from a place in my soul that I didn’t know existed,' April wrote of receiving the earth-shattering message. 

Throughout the tome, April praised her daughter for 'finding a way to smile, love, and give' despite her depression trying to constantly 'rob her of joy with near-constant headaches, loneliness, hopelessness, sadness, and a feeling of unworthiness.'

She also said Cheslie's decision to end her life as was 'not an emotion-fueled, spontaneous decision.'

'She felt unimaginable pain and needed that pain to stop,' April added. 'Every day she’d fought persistent depression, until she couldn’t fight anymore.'

The book, called By the Time You Read This: The Space Between Cheslie's Smile and Mental Illness, will hit stands tomorrow.

Proceeds will go towards the Cheslie C. Kryst Foundation, which was created last year to 'help honor her life and legacy while providing help and hope to others experiencing mental health challenges.'

'I knew it was important to share this,' April said to People about her decision to release the memoir. 'I knew there are other people who felt what I was feeling and could relate.'

Only hours before her death, Cheslie wrote a harrowing message to her fans on her Instagram page, which said, 'May this day bring you rest and peace.' 

Police found a note in her apartment stating she wanted to leave everything to her mother, but there was reportedly no explanation for her actions in the message. 

Cheslie was born in Jackson, Michigan, to a white, Polish-American father and black mother, April, the winner of Mrs. North Carolina in 2002. 

She grew up in Charlotte and graduated from the University of South Carolina; she went on to get her law degree from Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where she was involved in a number of activities, including the National Black Law Students Association, according to her LinkedIn page. 

The book, called By the Time You Read This: The Space Between Cheslie's Smile and Mental Illness, will hit stands tomorrow. April is seen with the book

Cheslie was born in Jackson, Michigan, to a white, Polish-American father and black mother, April, the winner of Mrs. North Carolina in 2002 

She grew up in Charlotte and graduated from the University of South Carolina; she went on to get her law degree from Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem 

Following her win, Cheslie continued to work as a lawyer and also landed a job as a correspondent for the entertainment show Extra. She's seen interviewing Taylor Swift 

Only hours before her death, Cheslie wrote a harrowing message to her fans on her Instagram page, which said, 'May this day bring you rest and peace'

After passing the bar, she worked as an associate attorney at Poyner-Spruill LLP in Charlotte between September 2017 and May 2019 as a member of the firm's civil litigation team. During her time there, she did pro bono work to reduce sentences for inmates.

During the Miss USA competition in 2019, Cheslie described herself as a 'weird kid' with a 'unibrow' who's now part of the first generation of truly empowered women. 

Asked in the final round to use one word to summarize her generation, she chose 'innovative.' 

'I'm standing here in Nevada, in the state that has the first female majority legislature in the entire country,' she said. 

'Mine is the first generation to have that forward-looking mindset that has inclusivity, diversity, strength and empowered women. I'm looking forward to continued progress in my generation.' 

Following her win, Cheslie continued to work as a lawyer and also landed a job as a correspondent for the entertainment show Extra; she often used her platform to speak out about social and criminal justice reform.