I admit it, I have a favourite grandchild. And I tell all the others because it's good for them to learn early: life isn't fair

Earlier this month, I was at a meeting of my local Women’s Institute when the talk turned to grandchildren.

Most of my friends admitted they have a favourite grandchild, but swore blind they would never reveal such a guilty secret to their adult children.

Personally, I can’t see what the fuss is about. After all, my entire family knows perfectly well that my eldest ­granddaughter, Elise, is at the top of my pecking order.

I have five granddaughters in total: Elise, 16, Isabella, 13, Scarlett, 11, Lucy, eight, and Ivy, six.

I love all of them, yet Elise can do no wrong in my eyes. She is beautiful, bossy and belligerent, but so loving. I can’t help adoring her more.

And I don’t hide it, either. We’re a close family and my only daughter Hannah lives a five-minute drive from my home in Cardiff, with her children and husband Scott.

As a retired civil servant, I’ve got plenty of free time now, so if I’m bored or Elise is down in the dumps, I love nothing more than texting her and taking her out shopping. We laugh at the same things, and the same things infuriate us.

Emma Parsons-Reid with her favourite grandchild Elise, aged 16

I get unbearably sad and cross when people are disloyal and Elise is the only one who doesn’t think I’m being overly dramatic. ‘I get it, Gran, I really do,’ she’ll say.

In other words, we’re like two peas in a pod. We are so alike, Hannah has been known to say: ‘It’s as though I gave birth to my own mother.’

Elise has got me wrapped around her finger, too. When we’re out, she always manipulates me into buying ­something, and I’m only too happy to do so. 

In return, no area of Elise’s life is off-limits to me. I’ve met her friends from school, all her boy pals think I’m cool and I’m friends on Facebook with her female social circle. I need to know who she is mixing with.

This isn’t something I do with my other granddaughters, though. I love them dearly, but that same spark just isn’t there.

In my defence, I think a lot of women would say their eldest grandchild is their favourite.

Think about it, they are the ones we have spent the most time with. We’ve been a constant in their lives as unpaid babyminders from when their parents weren’t that clued-up with a newborn.

Hannah split with Elise’s father when she was a toddler — and even though Elise has a ­stepfather, I ­justify the preference, telling myself I’m being that person who gives her boundaries. Hannah tries to be strict but Elise walks all over her.

While it’s obvious to the world that I dote on her, Elise likes to ask me whether she is still my favourite. I have no problem ­reassuring her, and I often tell her she is. In fact, she could do almost anything, even commit murder, and I’d defend her.

We’re so physically close, she loves nothing more than lying across my lap and letting me stroke her hair.

But, according to Hannah, there are limits with my overt favouritism. We recently went shopping and Elise’s younger sister Isabella came along. Elise wanted a new feather duvet and I paid the £70 price tag without blinking. ­Painfully aware I needed to treat Isabella, too, I coaxed her into choosing a £5 lipstick.

Hannah has a rule about ­spending equal amounts on my grandchildren, but I vetoed that notion, as it’s an awful lot to spend every time I want to spoil Elise.

Yet her mum was furious. She wouldn’t speak to me and refused to let Elise use the duvet until Isabella got one, too. So, of course, ­Muggins here had to fork out.

Elise has been precious to me since the day she was born. I made it my business to be at the birth, and in the delivery suite I asked the midwives if I could catch her. So I was the first to hold her and the bond was created there and then. I cried for three days straight, I felt so emotional.

There is all this love and yet, as a grandparent, you have no real say over how that child is brought up. As one of life’s guilty-as-charged control freaks, that has been a hard lesson for me.

When Hannah was single again, I was only too happy to look after my granddaughter while she went out with friends and on dates.

I dropped down to four days at work so I could have Elise from Tuesday until Wednesday evening. She never slept! We’d watch ­television and go to the park. She never wanted to leave.

Elise had her own room at my home, with specially made ­curtains, although she would end up in bed with me most nights. She was still slipping in for a ­cuddle when she was five, and my partner Kevin didn’t mind, as he ­worshipped her, too.

'We are like two peas in a pod,' says Emma (left) of Elise, who she admits has her grandmother 'wrapped around her finger'

So similar are they in temperament, that Emma's daughter (and Elise's mum) Hannah says: 'It’s as though I gave birth to my own mother'

When Hannah got together with Scott, Elise’s little sister Isabella arrived when she was three. Of course, I was happy to welcome another granddaughter, but I’m proud to say nothing changed in our relationship. If anything, I took Elise out more often.

There is a downside, though. Because we are mirrors of one another, I can see in her behaviour just how annoying I can be.

We’ve had some ­spectacular fallouts over the years. On one occasion, pushed to my limit, I blurted that she was a ­disappointment to me and would never amount to anything.

We both ended up in tears that night. But I’m the only person who will stand up to Elise. And, simply put, I’m the only one for whom she has any respect.

I do think about what will happen if my blatant favouritism backfires on me when the others are older. I wouldn’t blame them for judging me negatively for being so open about it. I try not to say it in front of them, but Elise does — almost flaunts it, really.

Isabella just raises her eyebrows and laughs; I suspect she thinks she’s dodged a bullet by being spared all the ­special attention.

But Scarlett’s started making me feel guilty. Her rationale is that if I don’t do something for her, then she’ll use the fact that Elise is my favourite against me. And, yes, I usually cave in.

But when they ask me why I have a favourite, I am honest. It’s a good lesson for them to learn early: life isn’t always fair.

For now, though, I justify the imbalance by saying Elise needs me more than them — they have a mum and a dad in their life, whereas Elise only has her mum.

On the odd occasion when I do treat or spoil her sisters, I have to do it behind Elise’s back or the green-eyed monster kicks in.

I don’t see it as pandering to her, though. Elise is at a very difficult age and needs the reassurance of knowing that someone on this planet loves her unconditionally.

No matter how tough life gets, or how awful she can be, I will always be her number one fan.

As told to Samantha Brick.