DEAR JANE: I'm 55, single, and HATE my body - will I EVER have sex again?

Dear Jane,

I am 55 years old, divorced for three years now – and I’m starting to feel like my life is over.

I understand that 55 is not ‘young’ by any stretch of the imagination, but until recently, I never really felt all that old. But lately I’ve started to lose hope that I’ll ever really find happiness again. 

My divorce really took the wind out of my sails and left me feeling pretty dang horrible about myself. We’d been married for 30 years so for it all to suddenly come crashing down around me was a bit of a shock.

It’s the typical sob story – he left me for someone younger, skinnier, prettier… a tale as old as time.

Dear Jane, my husband dumped me for a younger, prettier woman - now I'm terrified nobody will ever want to date me, or have sex with me, again

But even though I’ve heard it 1,000 times, it’s really hit me where it hurts. 

Particularly because on the few occasions that I have ventured back out into the dating world, it seems that every guy is looking for that exact same thing. 

Anyone my age wants someone younger – and I’m not in the market for someone 30+ years older than me!

I know there are things I can do to boost my confidence and perhaps feel a bit better about how I look (hello gym membership!) but I’m terrified that even that’s not going to help me. 

It sounds a bit dramatic but I feel as though I’m being forced to accept that I might never have a relationship – or sex! – ever again. And at 55 that’s just not something I ever envisioned for myself.

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers' most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

Any thoughts on how I can boost my success in the bedroom?

From,

Taking a Dive at 55

Dear Taking a Dive at 55,

As a fellow 55-year-old, I find my heart breaking at reading your letter, and know just what this feels like.

It sounds like this divorce has been enormously painful for you, and it’s entirely natural that your confidence has been knocked. 

But, darling Diver, our bodies aren’t supposed to be perfect at 55, and the truth is that even though we may look in the mirrors and see only sags, pouches and varicose veins, men do not see our bodies in the same ways.

What strikes me overwhelmingly is the relationship you need to put all your focus on right now is the one with yourself. When we hate our bodies and ourselves, it makes it very hard for someone else to love us. 

I would suggest finding a good therapist to dig down to the roots of your self-hatred, and, as woo-woo as it may sound, adding some body-positive meditations into your daily practice.

There is so much pressure for us all to be taut, toned and perfect, but at our age, the greatest gift we can give ourselves is acceptance. Our bodies have carried us, have – in many cases – created children, and the softness and curves are all part of who we are supposed to be. 

Look at every great work of art through history – the more Rubenesque, the more beautiful women were perceived to be.

Find people, hobbies, events that make you feel good. Learn a language you’ve always wanted to learn. Take the focus off sex and finding a replacement man and onto falling in love with yourself and your life.

Dear Jane,

I’m a junior in college and this year started taking a course with a professor who was new to my college. The two of us got off on a very wrong note when I was accidentally late to his first class, which resulted in him lecturing me about my ‘s****y time management skills’ in front of everyone for about 25 minutes.

I apologized and even sent a follow up email later that day to express my regret over the situation, hoping that would put an end to the whole thing.

But ever since then, he’s been so nasty to me every single time I’m in his class, routinely tormenting me in front of all my friends. Anytime he needs to call on someone to answer an impossible question, he picks me, then makes fun of me when I get it wrong. It’s humiliating. 

He seems to take some kind of perverse pleasure in making me look like a complete idiot.

And as if the public torture wasn’t bad enough, he’s also taken to giving me absolutely appalling grades – no matter how much effort I put into my work – without any constructive feedback. I’m genuinely starting to worry that he’s going to tank my entire course.

The whole thing is making me so miserable that I’m tempted to just drop his course, take some time out, and re-start next year, even though I know it will set me back.

Am I an idiot for giving in?

From,

Tough Lesson

Dear Tough Lesson,

I am so proud of you for owning your initial mistake and sending a follow-up email apologizing. To see this kind of maturity and responsibility in someone so young is a pleasure to behold.

Unfortunately, however well you have behaved, your professor is behaving appallingly. 

I would start by sending him an email documenting this and letting him know you are aware of what he is doing, after which, start documenting everything. 

Have someone get permission to record the class if your state requires permission to record, and start recording. Email anything you need to say to him, including questions as to why he is giving you such low grades.

You need to create a paper trail to prove what is going on, after which time, should it continue, I would go straight to the Dean of the school with all your evidence, to launch an investigation.

You still may decide to take some time off, but you can still handle this appropriately and maturely, ensuring that this behavior is documented and you have proof. I wish you so much luck.