I'm a psychologist and Eldest Daughter Syndrome can leave women not wanting children later in life - because they've 'already parented younger siblings'

When BBC presenter Anita Rani recently shared a post about Eldest Daughter Syndrome earlier this month, it resonated hard with plenty of those reading it. 

The Woman's Hour presenter, 46, who split from her husband Bhupi Rehal last year and has spoken about currently undergoing an 'awakening', was sharing Instagram content by psychologist Dr Nicole LePera. 

The US doctor, also known as The Holistic Psychologist, who has 8.3million followers, has regularly discussed the impact of being the firstborn daughter in a family - and the repercussions birth order might have on a woman later in life. 

US psychologist Dr Nicole LePera recently posted a series of slides on her Instagram account about Eldest Daughter Syndrome, including how women who are firstborn often feel like they have to be 'little adults'

Dr LePera describes how the oldest daughter often becomes the 'protector of the family', and can grow up feeling like a 'little adult'. 

Years later, those feelings, she explains, can manifest as being a grown-up who 'thinks it is your responsibility to fix everyone and everything around you.'

Although a term that's been around for decades, Eldest Daughter Syndrome seems to be increasingly recognised as people are more aware of their mental health.

On Rani's re-post, the term certainly struck a chord. 

One woman wrote: 'I felt every word of that. The heavy, heavy lifting done as the oldest girl is unfair. Especially if your other siblings are brothers.'

Another added: 'I wish they taught this stuff in schools in order to break these cycles at an earlier age!'

BBC Radio 2's Woman's Hour presenter Anita Rani shared Dr LaPera's posts, saying she knows it will 'resonate with loads of my brown crew' 

Rani herself wrote: 'I had to repost for my South Asian sisters (and of course everyone else) but I know this will resonate with loads of my brown crew…especially the eldest daughters.'

One who saw it agreed, saying: 'So true. It's only now as an adult that I am learning to just appreciate my life and myself. It's difficult to get out of that mindset.' 

On TikTok, a raft of memes, some dubbed 'eldest daughter core', also discuss the issue, with some firstborn women saying they chose not to have children of their own because they'd helped raise siblings and 'were done parenting'. 

TikToker @Melissallgall shared a montage of the roles that eldest daughters feel like they have to take on, including helping younger siblings with homework, being a nurse, maid, server and discipliner.

TikToker Melissa Gallagher posted a montage on what it's like to be the oldest daughter in the family, saying roles included being a 'nurse, maid, server and homework helper'

Many firstborn daughters have reported not wanting children in adult life because they spent time parenting younger siblings 

The trend has sparked thousands of comments on the impact Eldest Daughter Syndrome has on people's lives. 

One person wrote: 'First gen, eldest daughter, w/ a strict upbringing, about to turn 27 next week and I can’t even IMAGINE another human depending on me rn'.

Another woman added: 'Yep, eldest daughter. I carried a lot as a child and I just do not have the energy to parent another human.' 

So, is anyone actually at fault? In 2009, the Netmums Birth Order Report surveyed almost 10,000 mothers and found that they had much higher expectations of their oldest children when it came to academic and career success, saying they had lessening expectations with each new subsequent sibling. 

Such high parental expectations made the eldest children more susceptible to anxiety or depression later in life, researchers said at the time. 

FEMAIL asked Chartered Psychologist Dr Mark Rackley to explain more: 

WHAT IS ELDEST DAUGHTER SYNDROME?  

Dr Mark says that while Eldest Daughter Syndrome is not an officially recognized psychological diagnosis, it is 'a term that is used to describe a set of behavioral and emotional patterns that are often attributed to the eldest daughter in the family, think of it as the cousin of 'middle child syndrome.' 

He says: 'It is used to describe the common experiences of eldest daughters in the family. These common experiences include a heightened sense of responsibility, in some case being a second mother to the younger siblings. Excessive pressure to succeed, to bring positive attention to the family and set a good example for the younger siblings. 

'It can be hard to set healthy boundaries with the parents, as the eldest daughter is parented differently to the other siblings. Finally, it can create a lack of autonomy and independence, as the eldest daughter feels she has to comply with her parents wishes, sacrificing her own.'

WHY ISN'T THERE AN ELDEST SON SYNDROME? 

For men, it seems 'Sons fall into the more generic 'eldest child syndrome ' category, rather than this being gender specific', says Dr Mark. 

'With Eldest Daughter Syndrome, it is gender specific due to the cultural and gender expectations placed on girls and then this getting played out in the family and then how the girl is treated. 

'In some cultures having a boy is still seen as superior to having a girl, so the expectations placed on the girl can be greater to deal with the disappointment the parents have about having a daughter and not a son.'

Dr Mark Rackley

WHAT PROBLEMS CAN ELDEST DAUGHTER SYNDROME CAUSE? 

'This can create challenges for the eldest daughter. Sibling rivalry can come about as the eldest daughter feels a sense of injustice regarding the parental expectations on her and this being vastly different to the other siblings,' says Dr Mark

'It can also lead to resentment towards the parents as the eldest daughter struggles under the weight of their expectation. This can cause tension, arguments and a toxic relationship - between both parties. It can also lead to mental health difficulties such as anxiety and depression as the daughter struggles to cope in an oppressive relationship.'

CAN YOU OVERCOME EDS IF YOU FEEL YOUR CHILDHOOD WAS SHAPED BY IT?

Dr Mark says although it's challenging to change the impact of your formative years, it is possible... 

'When we are children, we have limited power and autonomy. We are very much as the mercy of the family and environment we grow up in. When we become adults, we have independence, maturity and the power of our own voice at our disposal. We also have choice around what we think, do and who we want to be. 

'We are all shaped by our childhoods, as we know scientifically that our environments and culture shape and influence our personality. However, just because we are shaped by it, does not dictate that we are stuck with it.' 

DR MARK'S ADVICE FOR NOT LETTING YOUR PAST DEFINE YOUR PRESENT 

'If you feel that the demands, expectations and challenges placed on you as the eldest daughter are making you unwell or no longer serve any purpose in your life, it's time to shed them. 

'This can mean steeping out of a role that you did not choose and no longer want. Setting healthy boundaries around relationships tells others what they can and cannot expect from you. However, you are the one deciding this not your parents. 

'You may also need to go to therapy to help you find your voice and act on positive changes that you want to make, as obviously some parents will not want or respect the new changes in the relationship.'

For more on Dr Mark Rackley's work, visit drmarkrackley.com