Who furious Caitlyn Jenner flipped off... ultra-tan Chris Pine's humiliating snub... and luscious Lynda Carter's shameless flirting: KENNEDY reveals the riotous unseen secrets of the White House Correspondents' Dinner

The powerful and pretty made the annual pilgrimage to the Hinckley Hilton for the White House Correspondents' Dinner this weekend.

And, for an event that has waned in recent years, Saturday night's 'nerd prom' waxed into a satisfyingly riotous evening – with something for every narcissist in the room!

You've all read about President Joe's surprisingly jokey address, and Colin Jost's edgeless, soy-boy response. But here's what you didn't hear about – straight from this tartaned horsie's mouth.

As I gossiped and giggled around the stupendously sizeable DC ballroom, I spotted the real Wonder Woman Lynda Carter, 72, mercilessly flirting with younger men, proving that when you have ample weapons in your holster the boys still drool no matter your age.

I spotted the real Wonder Woman Lynda Carter, 72, mercilessly flirting with younger men, proving that when you have ample weapons in your holster the boys still drool no matter your age.

Billy Porter lingered by the hotel bar to shamelessly pose for selfies with curious fans who kind of recognized him. And MSNBC's snooty Ari Melber cozied up to Lara Trump who was holding court in clear view of the cameras. (What were they talking about?)

Meanwhile, hirsute and ultra-tan Chris Pine looked like Ron Burgundy at the end of Anchorman, shoved in an irrelevant corner and shouting, 'milk was a bad choice!'

Perhaps he was licking his wounds, unable to match the sexy star power of nearly unrecognizable Kyle MacLachlan (Trey from 'Sex and the City'), who looked like your garden variety lobbyist with his shock of white hair and professorial spectacles.

Here's what you didn't hear about – straight from this tartaned horsie's mouth.

Well-coiffed Caitlyn Jenner was accosted by the pathetic throngs of pro-Hamas tweens who camped outside the hotel, ineffectively rhyming their woke words and changing zero minds as they harassed the great and good.

Caitlyn showed me videos on her phone of the Gen-Z zealots who tried to push her around, forgetting they were getting up in the grill of one of the strongest Olympians of all time.

The keffiyeh'd know-nothings were just lucky her gold-medal hands weren't still grasping that javelin and instead all she did was flash them a middle finger and bark back: 'Give me your names, cowards. I'll make you famous!'

I met hunky Jon Hamm and his luscious wife Anna Osceola and got to tell them the story of meeting Hamm's Mad Men co-star John Slattery when I was an 18-year-old radio intern living in LA.

I briefly dated Slattery's roommate and sneakily played him a pre-release cassette of Nirvana's 'Smells Like Teen Spirit', to which Slattery responded: 'Turn this off! It's garbage!'

Another John was holed out by the toilets, looking like a sad sack of nonsense in need of a nap: Fetterman, of course, in customary hobo hoodie and shorts.

Is it really that hard to put on a shirt, John? And if it is, are you truly fit to hold office?

Hirsute and ultra-tan Chris Pine looked like Ron Burgundy at the end of Anchorman, shoved in an irrelevant corner and shouting, 'milk was a bad choice!' 

Billy Porter lingered by the hotel bar to shamelessly pose for selfies with curious fans who kind of recognized him.

I met hunky Jon Hamm and his luscious wife Anna Osceola and got to tell them the story of meeting Hamm's Mad Men co-star John Slattery when I was an 18-year-old radio intern.

Another John was holed out by the toilets, looking like a sad sack of nonsense in need of a nap: Fetterman, of course, in customary hobo hoodie and shorts.

The night had some sweeter moments: Our surf and turf steak with prawns was still warm, the Veuve was flowing, and journo Evan Gershkovich received the momentous ovation he and his family richly deserved amid his ongoing criminal detainment in Russia.

The President – who was clearly topped to the brim with his usual cocktail of toddler blood and antifreeze – wowed the mostly sympathetic crowd with some killer one-liners: 'Donald has had a few tough days lately. You might call it stormy weather!'

As his spray tan got shiny, he took his seat to make way for SNL's Colin Jost who started off strong but ended with his head up the President's behind.

Some of his most memorable jabs: 'The last time I was in D.C., I left my cocaine at the White House'… 'It's not easy following President Biden. I mean, it's not always easy following what he's saying' … 'Obama got Bin Laden, you got O.J!'

But as the roasting got toasty, Jost turned toothless, pivoting to basically endorsing Joe saying, 'you're so decent, you remind me of my dead grandpa!' 

Oh, put a prawn in it!

If Mr Scarlett Johansson's comedy turned stale, his wife was as fresh as they come.

If Mr Scarlett Johansson's comedy turned stale, his wife was as fresh as they come.

It pains me to write this, but our painfully mediocre Veep actually shone up on the dais in a sequin show-stopper gown.

Special mention must also go to Fran Drescher, who bossed it up in a teasy, low-cut bridal-white pantsuit.

Timeless and tasty in Armani Privé, you could hardly blame her milquetoast husband for constantly reminding the audience that he married her. (We can't quite believe it either, Colin!)

It pains me to write this, but our painfully mediocre Veep actually shone up on the dais in a sequin show-stopper gown. A broken clock is stylish twice an administration, I suppose.

Special mention must also go to Fran Drescher, who bossed it up in a teasy, low-cut bridal-white pantsuit. If you're going to command this house of cards, might as well flash your aces!

With the world as crazy and uncertain as ever, with actual lunatics protesting in support of terrorists right outside the hotel, it felt more than appropriate to raise a glass to freedom and the Fourth Estate. 

Maybe next year all our problems will be solved and we can turn our attention to buying Senator Fetterman some big-boy pants... I'll drink to that!