I'm a psychotherapist - the online dating hazards are real and this is how users are left in the dark through 'ghosting' or stung along through 'Breadcrumbing'

An expert has lifted the lid on common online dating hazards - with many focusing on ways to end the relationship including 'ghosting' breadcrumbing' and 'orbiting.'

According to Danielle Sukenik, a psychotherapist from the University of Colorado Anschutz Medical Campus, the moves impact online daters' mental health. 

'Given the prevalence of these behaviors, it’s likely you’ve employed some of these dating tactics yourself,' Sukenik wrote in a recent column. 

The act of ghosting involves not speaking to a person anymore and is done outright and suddenly with no explanation as to why the relationship has failed. 

Orbiting, though similar to ghosting, takes it a step further as a person decides to stop talking to the other, but continues to watch their life unfold on social media. 

Breadcrumbing occurs when a person knows that they are not interested in a romantic relationship with someone, but continues to flirt in an effort to keep them interested.

Danielle Sukenik , a psychotherapist from the University of Colorado Anschutz Medical Campus, explained the impacts of 'ghosting', 'breadcrumbing' and 'orbiting' in the online dating scene 

Sukenik said that 'victims' that have experienced the 'breakup strategies' have noticed a huge impact on their mental health 

Montaine, who goes by the handle 'ohmontaine' on TikTok said that he believes that ghosting shouldn't be done at all

A 2022 study that compared the psychological outcomes of being ghosted, orbited or breadcrumbed, 176 participants were given a questionnaire about how they felt after experiencing the 'breakup strategies.' 

Each strategy left online daters feeling rejected, but ghosting specifically left people feeling excluded and harshly rejected. 

The study concluded that people felt like their control, self-esteem and sense of belonging were all 'threatened.' 

'Victims' who were impacted by orbiting, felt repercussions like experiencing increased levels of exclusion and a threat to their 'basic needs.' 

'Perhaps sporadic attention softens feelings of exclusion,' Sukenik wrote. 

Without closure as to why a relationship has ended, users are often left confused and with 'unhealed psychological wounds.' 

Sukenik also revealed those that have been orbited are often left with a lot of questions that turn into the person wondering if the other is still interested or attracted to them as they stay connected to them online. 

'For some people, this uncertainty can be harmful, while others find it easier to let go of a relationship if they’re still receiving some level of digital attention,' she noted.

The act of ghosting is done outright and suddenly with no explanation as to why the relationship as failed

Sukenik described breadcrumbing as a person dropping 'morsels of flirtatious attention' to keep another interested. 

She warned that some red flags that a person might be getting breadcrumbed is if the other person is taking an oddly long time to respond to messages, avoiding feelings-related conversations and vaguely communicating. 

'Because people on the receiving end of breadcrumbing remain in limbo longer, they experience repeated feelings of exclusion and ostracism,' Sukenik wrote.  

As a way to cope with the repercussions of the heart wrenching 'breakup strategies,' Sukenik recommended that people take time to focus on themselves.

To avoid the potential of 'negative self-talk, anxiety and depression,' she suggested changing the narrative and make it less about what you did wrong and nurture the idea that what the other person did was 'more about them.' 

'Being mindful of your cognitive patterns and practicing changing your narratives can help keep online dating from wreaking havoc on your psyche,' she said.  

Another user, tcmm444, who admitted to typically being a 'ghoster,' explained the back and forth that goes on in her head as she dates online in today's generation

As a way to cope with the repercussions of the heart wrenching 'breakup strategies,' Sukenik recommended that people take time to focus on themselves

The breakup strategies, and the heartbreak that goes with them, have been well documented on social media.  

Montaine, who goes by the handle 'ohmontaine' on TikTik, started off a video by saying: 'If you're gonna ghost somebody, first off, don't do that.' 

Instead, he suggested that if a person is uninterested in another, they should 'send a little text' to them and let them know that they don't see it progressing in a romantic way. 

'Don't make some big personal statement about how they're an amazing person and they're the perfect person- it's just not, you don't have to do the whole rigamarole,'  Montaine added. 

'Keep it nice and simple, you don't have to over explain.' 

Another TikTok user, tcmm444, explained the back and forth that goes on in her head as she dates online in today's generation. 

She asked: 'Like, is it too much to ask for a nice person who I can genuinely just talk to about anything?'

The TikToker, who said she's typically the one 'that does the ghosting,' said through her own experience, it's hard for her to know when she is saying too much or too little to a potential match online. 

'I like to do the little things that make people happy, and I like to ask about how your day was, and I like to tell you that you look handsome, and I just feel like I can't do that,' she said. 

'Because then I say those things and then I feel like I will be ghosted.'