TRACEY COX shares people's brutally honest confessions about the moment they stopped fancying their partners - and how to get the spark back

Can you pinpoint the moment lust for your partner died? That's the question I asked a cross-section of people.

There are plenty of ways to physically turn your partner off you – heavy smoking, weight gain, bad hygiene habits, slobbing around in hideous, shapeless clothes.

'I saw her walking down the street towards me and thought, "God, that woman's unattractive" – then realised it was my wife,' said one deeply unhappy married man.

But it's equally as easy to turn your partner off through behaviour.

'He used to be so funny and positive. Now he's bitter and critical and it depresses me,' reported one equally as unhappy woman.

What happens when you stop fancying your partner? Tracey Cox speaks to people who feel the spark has gone out of their relationships 

THE MOMENT I STOPPED FANCYING HER: MEN REVEAL ALL 

Society would have us believe men mainly moan about appearance, but how their partner made them feel featured just as frequently.

When her putdowns became too much

'We had fun together and lots of sex at the start. But clearly, I haven't lived up to expectations. Twelve years on, her nickname for me is "stupid" and she finds it funny to put me down in front of her friends. 

'She's told me many times that I was punching above my weight when I managed to pull her. She's shredded my self-esteem, and we haven't had sex in years. 

'I'd be frightened if she suggested it now: it would be some trick, some way to freshly humiliate me.'

When she got too fat to fancy

'She's put on so much weight, it's squashed any desire I ever had for her. I walked into the bedroom one night to find her lying on the bed in lacy underwear, trying to look sexy, and it was the worst moment of my life. 

'Skimpy underwear isn't going to cut it when you're five stone overweight. I felt embarrassed for her and angry that she'd expect me to overlook the massive weight gain.'

When I realised she hated my penis

'I was mucking about while we were doing the dishes and pulled out my penis as a joke. The look on her face devastated me. 

'She looked simultaneously horrified and disgusted. I'm guessing her first thought was, "Oh no! He's wanting sex". I didn't like seeing that, but I can cope with it. 

'But to see her nose crinkle up with distaste at the sight of my genitals – that finished it for me. I won't ever initiate sex with her again, which means sex will never happen again.'

When she became frumpy

'My wife was hot – and she knew it. She'd wear tight jeans with high boots, she has great breasts and a great bum and showed them off. 

'But when she hit 40, everything changed. She put on a few pounds (which has only made her sexier in my eyes but she hates it) and the clothes get baggier and frumpier. 

'I tell her all the time how gorgeous she is, but it's made no difference. I'm embarrassed when we go out with other couples. 

'Her friends still wear things that show off their bodies, why doesn't she? She's cut her hair short and stopped wearing makeup. If she's doing all this so I stop wanting sex with her, it's working.'

The sex expert has revealed her top tips for injecting passion back into your relationship when the spark dies

When she turned into a slob

'I watched her lie on the sofa one day for 12 hours straight, watching utter c**p on television. She only moved to get junk food. 

'She has no interest in anything other than hoovering up pathetic rom-coms: she doesn't care about the state of the world, has no political view and no conversation. 

'I make all the meals and do all the housework and she never thanks me for anything. Sex slowed years ago but the thought of touching her now repulses me.'

When I realised she didn't enjoy sex at all

'She was giving me a hand-job and I happened to glance in the mirror and saw her face. She looked grim: she couldn't wait for me to finish and for it all to be over. It was clearly such a chore for her. 

'When we have sex, there's no moaning or signs from her that she's enjoying it. She doesn't even pretend to like it. 

'It's like I'm masturbating inside her, not making love with someone who desires me. I DIY most of the time now.'

When she stopped trying new things

'What hope have you got of staying interested in sex long-term, if you never try new things? We used to tie each other up, use sex toys.

'She'd ride me and give me oral sex when I least expected it. That's all disappeared. She's constantly tired. When we do have sex, she only ever wants it "the usual way".

'That means she lies back, I go through the motions of foreplay, then we have intercourse for three minutes. It's so uninspiring, I can't be bothered.'

When we got a dog

'The minute she brought a puppy home, her attention shifted from me to the dog. Her life has been adapted to accommodate its every need. 

'We used to make love in the morning on the weekend but now she's up and out walking the dog. When I ask her to come back to bed, the dog gets put on the bed with us and she laughs when he growls and tries to "join in". 

'If the dog is on the floor, it stares at us which is totally off-putting but she refuses to lock him out. It sounds petty and I also like the dog but it's destroyed our sex life.'

THE MOMENT I STOPPED FANCYING HIM: WOMEN CONFESS ALL 

The response from women was equally as varied, though being hassled for sex and resentment at him not pulling his weight around the house did feature frequently.

When he became too much of a best friend

'I love my husband. He's my best friend and a brilliant father. Sex naturally died off once we had children. I used to love sex with him but now it feels awkward and weird, like I'm having sex with my brother. 

'Maybe we went too long without sex when our babies were born. I just don't see him as a person I should be having sex with anymore.'

When sex started to gross me out

'He's always had a higher libido but we used to find a good compromise. Lately, though, sex has started to gross me out. 

'I can't explain why, I've just got the "ick". The idea of sex seems weird to me. I look at his penis and want to laugh: it looks ridiculous. 

'The thought of putting it in my mouth or my body makes me shudder. I'm 26, this shouldn't be happening, and it'll end my marriage if I don't sort it out.'

When he became a sex pest

'It's like he's permanently horny. I hug him and he takes it as a sign I want sex. I kiss him affectionately and he'll start groping me. 

'I used to enjoy sex but what woman wants it every day or three times a day? It's such a turn off when you're hassled for something constantly. 

'It doesn't feel like a compliment anymore. He doesn't want sex with me, he just wants sex.'

When he stopped caring about my pleasure

'Our sex was always one-sided: about his orgasms, never mine. But I didn't realise just how selfish he was until I started suffering from vaginal dryness. 

'It's made sex really painful for me. I've talked with him about it but it barely registered. 

'Foreplay is still non-existent, and sex is still about intercourse. I dread it and I'm starting to hate him for making me have it.'

When his personal habits became unbearable

'When my friends say their husbands have let themselves go, I want to laugh. My husband brings new meaning to that term. 

'His stomach is so large, he can't do up his shoes. He wears the same T-shirt for days on end, picks his nose, burps, breaks wind – all while he is sitting beside me. 

'He thinks it's funny and endearing but it revolts me. He wonders why I pretend to be asleep when he comes to bed. Who would want to sleep with someone like that?'

When I realised his technique was terrible

'I still love him but he's a terrible lover: his technique is awful. I've spent six years trying to teach him how to turn me on and make me climax, but he still can't get it.

'We now use a vibrator to "finish me off" but the reality is, I'm not remotely turned on until that vibrator is switched on. It's the start, middle and the end.'

When he had an affair

'It was with a woman he worked with, and it was so obvious, even our teenage kids figured it out. He brought her into our home as a "friend" and couldn't stop looking at her and complimenting her. 

'The kids sensed something was off and when they said they didn't like her, he got the angriest I have ever seen. I asked him outright if he was having an affair but he denied it until a friend saw them kissing outside the office. 

'That was two years ago. It's over and he's highly sexed but he isn't game to initiate sex with me. He knows that's never going to happen now.'

When I realised he does nothing to help

'All the women I know are secretly seething with anger towards their husband. My partner never has time to "help me" around the house but always finds time to go out with his mates. 

'We both work in demanding jobs, yet I'm expected to do everything just because I'm female. I'm exhausted by the end of the day; he's relaxed after a night with his feet up, watching television. 

'I want to punch him in the face when he tries to initiate sex, without ever asking why I refuse it.'

Check out Tracey's two product ranges, Supersex and Edge, at lovehoney.com. Listen to her podcast, SexTok with Tracey and Kelsey, wherever you find your podcasts