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Family of Vietnam vet, 85, who came out as gay in tear-jerking obituary reveal upsetting reason why his final years did not need to be so lonely
The family of a Vietnam veteran who came out as gay in his tear-jerking obituary has revealed they knew about his sexuality.
Col. Edward Thomas Ryan died from intestinal cancer at the age of 85 in his home in Albany, New York, after living in nearby Rensselaer for most of his life, where he served as a firefighter.
In a final message to his loved ones and the world, published in the Albany Times Union, Ryan shared he had quietly lived as a gay man his entire life.
'I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life,' the veteran wrote.
His nephew Joseph Ryan, 68, told The New York Post the decorated veteran was a 'private person,' but added that his family knew about Ryan's sexuality and even met his longtime partner Paul.
Col. Edward Thomas Ryan kept a heartbreaking secret his entire life, only revealing it to his friends and family in his obituary
'They would go on vacation. Once he did retire, he would take a month off, and they would just put down where they wanted to go, any place in the world,' Joseph Ryan said.
'So, we kind of knew, but he wasn't one that would come right out and say anything … Our family isn't one that tries to say anything about people.'
Joseph added: 'He was quiet, but he was bold. It's been inside him all this time.'
Ryan told of his 25-year relationship with the love of his life, another man named Paul.
In his obituary, Ryan confessed: 'I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush,' Ryan confessed.
'He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong. I'll be buried next to Paul.'
The former soldier explained that he had never dared reveal his secret for fear of being disowned by those he knew and loved.
'I'm sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by family, friends, and co-Workers,' he recalled.
'Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I'll forever Rest in Peace.'
'I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush,' Ryan, pictured, confessed. 'He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together'
Joseph said the veteran had been afraid that he could be court-martialed for being openly gay, since for most of his military career, same-sex relationships were grounds for discharge in the army.
Ryan served with the Army's 10th Brigade and received several military awards, including the National Defense Service Medal and the Defense of Liberty Medal 'for participation to the State following the attack on America, 11 September 2001,' per his his obituary.
He was a many of many talents, and also was one of the founders and owners of the local Albany radio station WGY-FM.
Ryan died at the age of 85 in his home in Albany, New York (pictured)
Additionally, he was a Chef at the East Greenbush, American Legion Post, and a lifelong member of the Vietnam Veterans of America.
Ryan is survived by his 14 nieces and nephews, who lovingly called him 'Uncle Ed.'
His obituary has gone viral, with people from all over the country touched by Ryan's story.
One commenter on his obituary said: 'Edward sounds like he was an extraordinary man. Thank you for your service, not only to the country but to your neighbors.
'You were a true hero. I'm heartbroken you had to live your life in silence but so happy to hear of your life with Paul.'
A friend of Ryan shared the above picture on his obituary
Ryan served with the Army's 10th Brigade and received several military awards
Another person said: 'As someone who didn´t 'come out' until 40, this obituary really pulled on my heartstrings.
'I hope Edward and Paul are reunited now, in love for eternity. Nobody should have to spend a lifetime hiding who they are and who they love.'
A third said: 'A brave man got braver. God bless Uncle Ed.'
A commenter named Chrissy Wills claimed to have met Ryan and his partner.
Wills wrote: 'I met Tom when I married to his partner Paul´s nephew. We enjoyed several holidays, dinners, picnics together.
'He was a true gentleman, and it was unfortunate that he felt he had to hide his being gay. He and Paul were a lot of fun together. May he finally be at peace.'