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I'm standing at the front desk of a large hospital next to a traffic-choked dual carriageway on the outskirts of Istanbul, repeating my name to the two receptionists: 'It's James…Henry James…I'm here for a Brazilian butt lift.'
But this only generates blank looks.
The Atakoy Hospital in the suburbs of Turkey's largest city is where I have arranged to be treated by a surgeon from GMC, a private medical firm that advertises extensively in the UK offering a range of cosmetic procedures.
But the receptionists seem to have no record of my appointment.
Finally they call over a passing man, who, after fumbling with his iPhone, eventually gets into the Google Translate app - and holds the device up to me so I can explain what I want and he can understand me.
I repeat that I am booked in for a BBL - an increasingly popular 'bum lift' - and finally there are signs of recognition and nods to confirm that I am indeed booked in.
MailOnline travelled to Istanbul to investigate the practices of Swiss clinic Global Medical Care
Communicating over Google Translate - this is the reality of booking cosmetic surgery in Turkey
Whilst in the hospital, staff attempted to make us sign contracts without seeing a doctor first
The Atakoy Hospital in the suburbs of Turkey's largest city is where I had arranged to be treated by a surgeon from GMC (Pictured: Communicating with a GMC rep in the lobby)
Tens of thousands of Britons now travel to the eastern Mediterranean country every year to undergo cosmetic surgery
The Turkish surgery sector is now so successful it generates some £3.2billion in fees a year
In their relief at identifying me, they don't seem to recognise the elephant in the room: I am a nervous-looking, young, skinny-ish man - hardly the obvious candidate for a procedure associated with fuller-figured female celebrities.
But no one mentions this, they just begin to assemble the final paperwork for me to sign before sending me in to pre-op to have my bum done.
I was apparently just a few hours away from being put under sedation to be operated on for a procedure that made no sense - and I had yet to even see a doctor in the flesh.
So what was I doing here?
I had come to investigate the burgeoning practice of vanity-driven Britons flocking to Turkey to have discount cosmetic surgery - and concerns about the standards of those offering it.
Tens of thousands of Britons now travel to the eastern Mediterranean country every year to undergo cosmetic surgery because the prices are often a fraction of those charged for the same procedures in the UK.
The Turkish surgery sector is now so successful it generates some £3.2billion in fees a year, much of it from Brits who want to change some aspect of their physique on the cheap.
The fashion for travelling to Istanbul for beauty treatments has surged after being endorsed by social media influencers and reality TV celebrities like Lauren Goodger, Amber Dowding, Georgia Kousoulou and Jemma Lucy.
But cheaper prices can also mean lower surgical standards - and some 28 Brits are thought to have died in Turkey after having elective procedures in the last five years alone.
Demi Agoglia, 26, of Greater Manchester, died days after having a Brazilian bum-lift in Turkey
Fat is first harvested from the hips, lower back, abdomen, thighs and other areas via liposuction . Special equipment is used to prepare it for transfer before it is injected directly into the glutes at specific points, giving the buttocks a bigger, curvier appearance
Typical of the human tragedy behind the boom was the case of Demi Agoglia, a student who decided to go to Turkey for a so-called BBL - one of the most popular procedures which has fuelled the boom.
Against the advice of her partner and family, Demi, from Salford, flew to Istanbul in January this year to have her bottom surgically enhanced - paying just around a third of the £10,000 she would have been charged in the UK.
But Demi, who had a seven-month-old baby, began to feel ill within hours of coming out of surgery and despite being rushed to intensive care, died four days later.
Desperate to keep the British patients - and their fees - coming, the Turkish surgery companies have repeatedly played down the significance of cases like Demi's.
And they have increased their assurances that everything is safe and that the highest possible standards are in place to ensure patient safety.
So MailOnline decided to investigate just how reliable these assurances are - by going undercover posing as a potential patient.
I was using my middle name, Henry, so they wouldn't realise I was a journalist.
I applied to Global Medical Care (GMC), one of the most high profile firms out there - which offers targeted 'special discounts' to British clients for various cosmetic procedures in Turkey.
GMC is actually Swiss-owned but conducts most of its business from Turkey, where it boasts of offering 'affordable and high-quality medical procedure packages'.
These range from relatively low-cost vanity treatments like hair transplants and rhinoplasties - a 'nose job' in common parlance - to more involved procedures like the fitting of a so-called gastric sleeve, which involves cutting away a large portion of an obese patient's stomach to reduce their appetite.
But I decided to apply for the same procedure that had cost Demi Agoglia her life, a BBL.
This is a relatively new cosmetic surgery in which doctors transfer fat harvested from another part of the patient's body - usually the belly, hips, lower back, or thighs - and insert it into their buttocks.
BBLs have become increasingly popular amid the fashion for larger derrieres fueled by the popularity of the likes of Kim Kardashian, Nicki Minaj and Cardi B.
It was this procedure that received celebrity endorsement when Jemma Lucy, a reality TV star who has appeared on Ex on the Beach and Celebrity Big Brother, documented how she had travelled to Turkey to have her bottom remade.
But it's also been dogged by concerns about its safety.
I applied to Global Medical Care (GMC), one of the most high profile firms out there - which offers targeted 'special discounts' to British clients for various cosmetic procedures in Turkey
GMC is actually Swiss-owned but conducts most of its business from Turkey, where it boasts of offering 'affordable and high-quality medical procedure packages'
The British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons analysed 324 cases of Brits needing medical treatment or corrective surgery after having gone under the knife overseas since 2018
BBLs are said to carry the highest risk of all cosmetic surgeries - with more than one death occurring per 4,000 procedures. Blood clots, scarring and infections are potential complications.
The British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons was so concerned that it advised its members two years ago to suspend performing the procedure.
Despite these concerns the numbers having it done are said to be increasing by 20% annually.
All this made a BBL, by some distance, the most controversial treatment available - and so the natural choice for me to apply to have.
To test the claims that surgery tourism to Turkey is safe I had decided to present as the sort of patient that would sound alarm bells at any responsible organisation.
I told them I weigh 11 stone - which given my height is 5'10' would put me at the lower end of the BMI scale, at 21.6 - which could make the harvesting of fat from other parts of my body to inject into my glute a tall order.
And then I decided to invent some further complicating underlying medical conditions, which should spark some in-depth questioning.
I would suffer, I decided, from high blood pressure and the skin condition psoriasis, as well as regularly experience both anxiety and depression.
None of these would explicitly exclude me from going under the knife. But renowned plastic surgeons told MailOnline they would raise serious 'flags' that would require probing.
Within minutes of calling GMC's sales team on March 26, I was messaged on WhatsApp by a sales rep named Marc who told me he was 'here to answer any questions' about treatment plans and collect some personal information to see if I was suitable.
As part of this, Marc requested I send him four photos of my backside in the mirror from four different angles so doctors could 'understand if [I] have enough fat to transfer.'
After I took the pictures and sent them as requested, Marc replied: 'Thanks. You may not have enough fat for BBL. In this case, would you like to go for buttocks implants?'
I replied; 'Yes ok, that's similar procedure? Same sort of price?'
Marc responded: 'It's suggested to do that if you do have not enough fat. It could be more expensive than BBL. Because buttocks implants are used.'
But by the following day, Marc seemed to have changed his view of my prognosis after what he said was 'evaluation from 3 doctors' – none of whom I had spoken to personally.
He went on: 'Dr Fatih Kilic has agreed to perform a BBL for you. However, he said that if you can gain weight by the time you want the operation, it would be much better to gain more volume'.
My BBL was on.
Soon after this, I was emailed a 'personal treatment plan', in what would prove to be the only piece of GMC correspondence I received that wasn't over WhatsApp.
This consisted of details of the hospital where I would be treated and the hotel where I would stay, as well as assurances that a translator would be on hand to assist me from my arrival at the airport to the hospital.
We then shared an eight-minute call where we discussed my expectations for surgery.
I told Marc about my high blood pressure and the rest. But he didn't seem concerned about any of this, except a single point: 'Can you try to gain 3kg before your operation?', was Marc's only question.
There were apparently three price bands for the same procedure: 'Good Care' for £2,590, 'Best Care' for £3,250 and apparently 'internationally accredited Perfect Care' for £3,990.
In order to receive my medical evaluation from GMC's doctors I had to send four photos of my bottom from these angles
My application for a BBL was hardly a compelling case based on these photos
There were three price bands for the same procedure: 'Good Care' for £2,590, 'Best Care' for £3,250 and apparently 'internationally accredited Perfect Care' for £3,990
I opted for the middle option so my BBL surgery would cost £3,250 for a BBL including accommodation - plus another £500 if I wanted them to arrange my travel
I opted for the middle option so my BBL surgery would cost £3,250 for a BBL including accommodation - plus another £500 if I wanted them to arrange my travel. I decided to arrange my own.
He then told me they could operate as soon as April 17 - just three weeks later - as long as I paid £350 ASAP to secure my booking.
This was quicker than I had expected so I stalled - and said I needed more time.
This response led to two weeks of Marc badgering with regular messages seeking confirmation of my interest and an update on when I would put down a deposit.
Finally I agreed to do this and he eventually scheduled surgery for May 21.
He arranged for me to pay a £350 deposit via a Barclays bank transfer and gave me a date and instructions on where and when to present myself in Istanbul.
At this point, I'd still never spoken to anyone properly, other than a few WhatsApp exchanges.
I was to fly there on May 20 and land at 12pm, with surgery booked for the following day.
I was then added to a WhatsApp group chat with a new man named Byfatih Çakır and six other people.
Byfatih told me: 'I will be with you all the time during the airport reception and hospital process in Turkey…I will be in touch before and after the surgery [and] will deliver medicines, vitamins and protein.'
The other six people, apparently GMC staff, were never introduced so I was never clear who they were or why they were privy to intimate discussions about my medical plans.
Throughout the chats on this WhatsApp thread which lasted two weeks, I was never offered the chance to speak to any surgeon directly.
But the May 21 date was confirmed, the deposit paid and I was off.
So it was that a few days later - and still not six pounds heavier, as requested - I found myself in a car park close to the airport in Istanbul where Marc had promised there would be a driver waiting for me to take me to the Tempo, a four-star city centre hotel that GMC had arranged for me.
And indeed there was a man holding up a sign with my name on it. I approached him.
He spoke only limited English and I have no Turkish so we had to communicate by sign language.
He directed me to join a group of people huddled underneath an arch, who I assume are fellow patients.
'Wait there' he barked, and I did, we all did, for a full hour.
Eventually a minibus pulled up alongside us and we boarded.
It seemed to be taking longer to get to that luxury city centre hotel than I would have expected. And it soon became clear why: they hadn't booked me into the Tempo at all, but to a dingy looking place called The Land Park Hotel instead.
'Here', the driver said, as he grabbed my suitcase and threw it at me, 'you stay here.'
I went into reception to tell them that I appeared to have been dropped at the wrong hotel. They looked at me blankly - again they had limited English.
Eventually I gave up and accepted the room key I had been offered repeatedly. I discovered that instead of being in central Istanbul as promised, I was some 30 miles - or one hour's drive away - in a sprawling suburb called Avicilar.
I had been told I would be staying in the Tempo hotel (pictured) located in Istanbul city centre
However, I was taken to a dingy looking place called The Land Park Hotel instead
The room was small and overlooked a busy dual carriageway
The dirty windows were not sound proofed meaning the heavy traffic kept me up all night
I wrote a complaint to GMC on our WhatsApp group.
After another long delay, one of the unnamed GMC logo admin people in the group replied: 'No worries, transfers will be arranged.'
But nothing happened and I finally gave up and went to sleep.
The next day I was driven to Atakoy Hospital, where we came in.
Once, via the power of Google Translate, the staff had worked out who I am, they moved on to the final paperwork: they wanted me to sign a final contract for my butt lift.
Only when this was done, they said, would they move onto the final preparations ahead of my surgery: lines being drawn in marker pen on my body and my blood taken.
I examined the contract they gave me. It contained references to a number of potential risks related to BBL surgery, none of which had previously been mentioned in any of my communications with GMC.
It also stated that once I had signed I would be liable to pay the full amount - the remaining balance of £2,900 - regardless of what happened after final tests and during the procedure.
I asked if I could speak to my surgeon - apparently one Dr Fatih Cillic - in person before I sign anything, just to set my mind at ease on the risks.
After all, I'd still not met any of my surgical team, despite signing up three months earlier.
It's not easy to explain all this via the medium of Google Translate.
Our conversation went like this: 'Can I speak to Dr Fatih before please? Then I will sign.'
'The Dr is not here yet. You sign, we do the tests, then you speak.'
'Yes, but I have travelled a long way, and things have already gone wrong. I don't want to sign before I speak to the Dr.'
'Your surgery is at 12, you must sign.'
'No, I want to speak to Dr Fatih.'
'Ok...I will speak to my boss.'
The next day I was driven to Atakoy Hospital located on the side of a dual carriageway
When we arrived at the hospital, there was no translator on site to help us understand what we were signing
Inside the hospital staff seemed oblivious as to why we were here and couldn't understand us
Communication was done solely over Google Translate making it very hard to understand what we were agreeing to
Just when I thought I was making progress, a second man appeared - and seemed angry at me.
He was shouting: 'You no sign? OK! Operation cancelled, you are cancelled!' He then ripped the contract from my hands.
Meanwhile I had been trying WhatsApp as an alternative way to tell GMC that I wanted to see my surgeon before I signed anything.
After ten minutes of discussion on the app, I was told 'a call will be set up'.
And finally my phone rang.
As well as the surgeon and me there were two others on the call, a GMC rep and a translator.
It transpired that Dr Fatih couldn't see me in person before I signed the contract, because he wasn't actually at the hospital - he was on a bus somewhere and not in the vicinity, the translator told me. But the surgeon would talk to me on the phone.
I began by asking about how badly the BBL would hurt and how long it would take me to recover. I received assurances I will be fine and back in good health quite quickly.
I then moved on to my various (invented) conditions - high blood pressure and the rest.
'Are there any specific risks to me?' I asked.
'No, you are a healthy candidate, there will be no complications.'
'But what about my health problems, the ones I told you about? My blood pressure, psoriasis and anxiety disorders.'
'They are of no concern.'
Had I then signed as they were urging me, I would have been on the operating table under a general anaesthetic within hours - for a procedure that could have significant complications.
Instead I walked out of the front door and didn't look back.
The contract contained references to a number of potential risks related to BBL surgery, none of which had previously been mentioned in any of my communications with GMC
Whilst we were reading the contract a man (pictured in striped shirt) appeared and yelled: 'You no sign? OK! Operation cancelled, you are cancelled!' before ripping the contract from my hands
Had I then signed as they were urging me, I would have been on the operating table under a general anaesthetic within hours
A spokesman for GMC said: 'GMC never provides any medical advice or presents you with a suitability report by itself.
'As you can see in the email sent to you, the preliminary suitability is provided to you by the doctor. This is his medical point of view after reviewing the information you shared with him, assuming that all are correct and complete and subject to in-person checks and additional controls at the hospital.
'So, GMC only passed the message of your doctor to you.
'This doctor point of view is not a guarantee that a patient will have the operation. So, any operation decision can only be given after the physical examination by the doctor. GMC also offers several options to its patients:
'If the patient will not be found suitable for the operation, then the cost of the operation is refunded to him/her if it is paid before the operation or no payment is requested for the operation.
'Even if the patient is found suitable and the patient is not happy with the doctor for any reason, all our patients have the right to change their doctor or cancel their operation. In such cases they do not have any financial losses also.
'Asking for a deposit is a common practice around the world to cover the costs that will occur before the decision of the operation.
'These costs are welcome at the airport, transfers or hotel cost that will be paid to other companies that will be providing different non medical services to the patients. This is not related to the operation. Patients who are not asking for these services may not pay any deposit.'
The spokesman added: 'Your case happened in a non-standard way' and said that issues around doctor access and translation were caused by the way we made our own travel arrangements and insisted on being accompanied.
They added: 'No patients are ever pressurised under any circumstances to make any decision. In the past we even had patients who wanted to think a few days after the face to face doctor approval and their requests were accepted.
'But in your case, you left before these tests have been done, before you get the full face to face consultation with your doctor, before the operation suitability has been identified and before you make the decision to have or not to have the operation in the light of all these information.'
With additional reporting by Rebecca Whittaker.