Relationship expert reveals when it's actually OK to ghost someone you no longer want to date

Being ghosted may be heartbreaking, but a relationship expert revealed that it is occasionally what's best. 

Ghosting someone means that a person is cutting off all communication with an individual without saying a word.

Licensed marriage and family therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw told The New York Times that victims of ghosting 'start to question their reality.'

She explained that ghosting victims question where they missed the signs and what did they do wrong, one being TikTok user Micki Kennedy.

However, professionals and social media users like Stella Scholaja revealed when it's best to ghost someone and how to survive being ghosted.  

Ghosting someone means that a person is cutting off all communication with an individual without saying a word and it is a common method of ending a growing relationship

Ghosting has become a common way to cut ties with someone who can be difficult for an individual to break up with, according to licensed psychologist Roxy Zarrabi.

'You may start questioning your reality, including your own judgment and what signs you may have missed,' Zarrabi said. 

'These questions can quickly turn into an unhealthy rumination that prevents you from moving on.'

However, ghosters often have prosocial motives when ending budding relationships, according to a 2024 study. 

'As someone who has – and has been – ghosted frequently in my personal and professional relationships, this phenomena was something that had interested me for a while,' study author YeJin Park told PsyPost.

'Ghosting was only further exacerbated due to the COVID-19 pandemic, where most communications moved online, making ghosting even easier.'

Although the signs may not be there right away, it is sometimes easy to tell when the ghosting process is happening, according to social scientist Lauren Rosewarne.

'The obvious sign is larger gaps between replies to messages or unreturned phone calls,' Rosewarne told WellBeing Curious in 2023.

'In-person meetings might also be repeatedly canceled or rescheduled to never eventuate.' 

Ghosters often have prosocial motives when ending budding relationships, according to a 2024 study conducted by YeJin Park

Signs that someone is being ghosted includes in-person meetings repeatedly canceled or rescheduled

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Brenna Holeman, 40, discussed what she believed was an incredible first date with a ghostful ending 10 years ago to The New York Times.

She enjoyed a rainy night in a London bar with a date who kissed her goodbye and expressed excitement about seeing her again.

'He even texted me that night saying, "I can’t stop smiling,"' said Holeman, who added that he wrote: 'I can't wait to see you again.'

Unfortunately, the two never saw each other again, and instead of planning their next date, he ghosted her.

Kennedy also recalled her being ghosted by a man in her 2022 TikTok video after he debated going out or staying in for date night.

'I wake up at 8:00 in the morning... and this dude is not beside be anymore,' said Kennedy.

'I laid there for a couple minutes and thought to myself, "who knows, maybe he's in the bathroom." So I left his room and started scoping around his apartment.'

The TikToker could not find him, and after feeling 'weirdly uncomfortable,' she left.

Brenna Holeman, 40, was ghosted 10 years ago after what she believed was a successful date with a man in a London bar 

TikTok user Micki Kennedy recalled a ghosted horror story in 2022 after her woke up at 8:00 alone and feeling 'weirdly uncomfortable'

Ghosting may not have been the best method to end Holeman and Kennedy's non-serious relationships, but when it comes to safety and the ability to take a hit, non-verbally kicking someone to the curb would be best.

'If they’re just not listening to what you’ve already expressed, then I think it’s OK,' said Earnshaw.

Rosewarne emphasized how one must always prioritize safety when thinking of ghosting someone.

'There are certain times when ghosting is the only option. Situations of harassment or abuse, for example,' Rosewarne said.

'Or when you have already articulated that you weren’t interested in pursuing things and the other person keeps contacting you; you can rightfully just disappear in those circumstances.' 

There are ways on how to successfully end a growing friendship or relationship without having to ghost someone.

Etiquette expert Elaine Swann suggested that someone could say, 'I don’t think we are a good fit, but best wishes to you and I hope you find the connection you are looking for,' according to The New York Times.

However, for anyone who has already had more than one date or makeout session with someone, Swann recommends breaking up with them in person or by phone call.

Etiquette expert Elaine Swann suggested that someone who's gone on more than one date with someone end the budding relationship in person or by phone call 

Stella Scholaja suggested in her 2023 TikTok video to think about how much space the ghoster would've potentially had in their life.

Ghosting victims can learn to pick up the pieces and move on to find bigger and better things.

New York psychotherapist Rachel Sussman wants ghosted individuals to remember that this method is 'normal' and that it can happen to anyone.

'Even the supermodel is saying: "Oh, I shouldn’t have said this, or I shouldn’t have worn that,"' said Sussman.

Scholaja suggested in her 2023 TikTok video to think about how much space the ghoster would've potentially had in their life.

'Usually, when you get ghosted by someone that you truly care about, it's because you already have a level of trust with them,' said the TikToker.

'If you know what it is that hurt you, then I would recommend writing out a text... Write it down and actually have your little Academy Award monologue.'

She added that the ghosted victim can either keep this write-up for themselves or send it to their ghostee.

'You don't need to sit there in silence, you don't need to protect their feelings, and you don't need to protect a future with them that is probably not going to happen.'