Psychologist reveals how 'performative friendships' are on the rise - and how to tell if you're in one

A psychologist has revealed that she has seen an increase in 'performative displays of friendship' - and how you can tell if you are in one.

Dr Alison McClymont is a chartered psychologist who also creates online content about mental health topics.

She is also a writer, whose debut book, How to Help Your Child Cope With Anything, will be published in August. 

In a video shared on TikTok by the British Psychological Society, Dr McClymont discussed how social media can impact friendships.

Speaking in the clip, the psychologist said: 'The social media culture has increased what I call performative displays of friendship. 

Dr Alison McClymont (pictured) is a chartered psychologist who also creates content about mental health topics

'This is where people are encouraged to post images of things that they'll hashtag as friendship goals, or my BFF, or things that are essentially aspirational images of friendship.'

How can you tell if you're in a performative friendship?  According to Dr McClymont, seeing these kinds of images and hashtags can 'really evoke jealousy' for some people. If you then feel the pressure to create the illusion of a solid bond, you may be in one.

She explained: 'If they see that, for example, that the person they thought was their special friend is out with somebody else, all of a sudden, they feel excluded. 

'And actually, this might encourage that excluded friend to feel more pressure to protect their friendship with the other.' 

This can result in the person becoming 'more needy' towards that friend, she explained, adding: 'They might also start to feel...pressured in order to create images or create an aspirational online life that appears to be friendship goals.'

In an effort to create the image of this aspirational friendship, people may end up booking trips away together, or buying their friend presents.

By doing this, Dr McClymont said, they are doing things that they can document and post on social media, just to show other people.

'This might actually extend to overextending yourself time-wise, and even financially,' she said.

According to the psychologist, social media culture has affected some people's friendships, making them more performative

Viewers took to the comments section where they discussed the impact of social media culture 

'And that financial and time overspend, if we want to call it, can actually start taking a toll on people's mental health. 

'I've seen that within my clinic room - that people are actually feeling an anxious internal monologue of "well, if I don't do this, people won't think I'm a good friend".' 

Taking to the comments section, viewers shared their thoughts and experiences around how social media culture has affected their relationships. One wrote: 'I think if people weren’t able to take pictures/videos, there’s lots of things people wouldn’t bother doing. Life feels so performative and contrived now.'

Another agreed, writing: 'This is one thing I've always been passionate about and it's leaving social media to be what it is, a simulation of reality, people get so caught up in it and start to believe it's real life.'

And a third added: 'So true. Not even genuine friendships that are being bragged about on their social media.'