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A genius psychiatrist taught me the seven secrets of happiness, says GYLES BRANDRETH. They've changed my life... and they can yours too
It’s hard to imagine Britain’s most effervescent broadcaster bereft of joie de vivre but, as Gyles Brandreth movingly explained in yesterday’s Daily Mail, a string of deaths of those closest to him sparked his search for and eventual formulation of his Seven Secrets Of Happiness.
An eponymous book followed, which he has now updated to help readers navigate the psychologically fraught social media age – the key to which might be keeping a stiff upper lip, he says…
The Irish playwright Oscar Wilde believed those who leave a mark on the world have just five letters in their name – like Oscar or Wilde or Jesus or Plato. Or Baggs. Thomas Baggs, born in 1889, was a Birmingham University alumnus who went on to become a teacher, journalist and war correspondent for the Daily Mail.
When he died in 1973, he bequeathed a substantial sum to his university to provide for an annual public lecture on the theme of: ‘Happiness – what it is and how it may be achieved by individuals as well as nations.’
Yehudi Menuhin, the virtuoso violinist, delivered the first lecture, in 1976. Mine was the 37th. I spoke for an hour. There was an audience of 1,000 plus in the hall.
The response was extraordinary – and not what I am used to. Here is one tweet, from someone called Grace Surman: ‘Fabulous lecture courtesy of Gyles Brandreth. Just marvellous, brilliant, wonderful, best thing I’ve ever heard, transformational...’
There were scores more – and all along similar lines. Danann Swanton: ‘Attended the annual Happiness Lecture tonight, thought-provoking & inspiring talk by Gyles Brandreth.’ Judy Dyke: ‘Excellent evening hearing Gyles Brandreth give the Happiness Lecture. Entertaining, amusing and he gave us the 7 Secrets of Happiness.’
It was those Seven Secrets Of Happiness that caught the audience’s attention and that I extolled in yesterday’s Daily Mail. And I hope, as you read it, if you were feeling unhappy – or simply a bit low or not as comfortable in yourself and as content as you would like to be – that you found the remedy you were after.
Take on board all seven of the Secrets Of Happiness and you will be happy in a way you cannot be without them – or even with only some of them.
Queen Camilla laughs with Gyles Brandreth during a tea party at a primary school in Ealing, west London
Asked what the secret to a long life was, Jeanne Calment, who lived to the age of 122, said it was important to 'always keep your smile'
However, a few years ago, after breaking my arm and undergoing extensive rehabilitation, I realised the importance of physical health and how the things you do with your body also enhance your happiness, relieve stress and lift your mood.
As a result, I also realised that within the overall umbrella of happiness (which my seven secrets encompass) there is a crucial divide: that of physical happiness and mental happiness.
So with extensive research, many hours of talking to experts and the help of my physiotherapist Finola, I have compiled two more lists: The Seven Secrets Of Physical Happiness and the Seven Secrets Of Psychological Happiness.
This new distinction also aims to help tackle the world we live in now. A lot has changed since I originally conceived of the Seven Secrets Of Happiness with the late psychiatrist Dr Anthony Clare, who presented the radio programme In The Psychiatrist’s Chair.
Most importantly, mental illness has exponentially increased. The British Medical Association suggest that 25 per cent of all 17- to 19-year-olds in Britain suffer mental health issues.
Mastering yesterday’s Seven Secrets can be challenging. Coming to the party with the right attitude helps.
Jeanne Calment, to date the world’s longest living human being, was born in Arles in France on February 21, 1875, and died, still in Arles, 122 years later, on August 4, 1997. When she was asked for the secret of her longevity, she replied simply: ‘Always keep your smile.’
And indeed there is a raft of reputable research that shows that the sunnier your disposition, the longer your life will be. Adopting the right lifestyle also helps. In 2023, the journal Nature Mental Health published findings from a study undertaken at the University of Cambridge that examined health data from 290,000 British people – of whom 13,000 had depression – to find what lifestyle factors played a role.
There are so many factors that can impact your psychological happiness. Take depression, for example. The Cambridge researchers found that a good night’s sleep – between seven and nine hours – had the biggest protective effect, lowering the risk of depression by 22 per cent, while having frequent social connections lowered the risk by 18 per cent.
Where your body is concerned, not smoking also reduced the chance of depression by 20 per cent, regular physical activity reduced the risk by a further 14 per cent, while a moderate amount of alcohol (fewer than 14 units per week) reduced the chance of depression by 11 per cent. Finally, a healthy diet brought a modest benefit of six per cent.
People in the study who had the best lifestyles were 57 per cent less likely overall to be depressed, with the researchers concluding that lifestyle has ‘a more potent influence’ on low mood than genetics and brain structure.
And you know what improves your lifestyle? Improving your physical and psychological happiness! My father lived to 71, my mother to 96. In the hope of bettering my mother’s achievement, I am trying to live a healthy, as well as a happy, life.
Which brings me back to what I learned after I broke my arm. Physio Finola helped me get the arm back in working order and then set to work on the rest of me. Because Finola is young (in her 30s), she speaks and understands the language of the 21st century happiness gurus. Dr Anthony Clare and I came of age before ‘mindfulness’ was a thing.
So when it comes to physical and psychological happiness, I have attempted to attune to what, in the 2020s, are the additional considerations needed in order to feel happy. Psychological happiness is more complicated than physical, so I will start there.
Mental wellbeing does not have a single universal definition, but encompasses factors such as: the sense of feeling good about ourselves and being able to function well individually or in relationships; the ability to deal with the ups and downs of life, such as coping with challenges and making the most of opportunities; the feeling of connection to our community and surroundings; having control and freedom over our lives; having a sense of purpose and feeling valued.
The broadcaster and former politician is pictured looking cheerful in a red heart jumper
Gyles Brandreth wears a colourful ensemble at a poetry recital with the Queen, who is pictured cutting a cake with performers dressed as Alice and the Mad Hatter from Alice In Wonderland
Of course, mental wellbeing does not mean being happy all the time and it does not mean you won’t experience negative or painful emotions, such as grief, loss or failure, all part of normal life.
However, whatever your age, mindfulness can help you lead a mentally healthier life and improve your wellbeing.
The British Mental Health Foundation has a guide to looking after your mental health using mindfulness. This is a way of paying attention to the present moment, using techniques such as meditation, breathing and yoga.
It helps us become more aware of our thoughts and feelings so that, instead of being overwhelmed by them, we’re able to manage them. Recently, I have learnt to bring mindfulness into my daily activities.
It can be simple stuff. Notice what you can see, hear, feel and smell during your walk to the shops or to the railway station... the colour of the sky, the birds singing, the feel of your jumper on your skin, the fragrance of the roses. Or you can pick a specific mindful task such as colouring (I love colouring – and painting by numbers), knitting, folding laundry, reading a book. According to research commissioned by The Queen’s Reading Room in 2023, reading a novel even for just five minutes can reduce stress levels by 20 per cent.
The essence of mindfulness is simply to bring your full attention to whatever task you are doing.
Your mind will wander, that’s normal. However, it’s not useful to wander away from the present and into the past or the future, which we can’t change or really predict. Stay present – even if to do so you have to keep bringing your attention back to the task in hand.
Empathy and self-compassion, gratitude and generosity are also all key. Empathy, essentially, is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others and respond accordingly.
Self-compassion is not the same as feeling sorry for yourself. It is being open to and moved by your own suffering, experiencing
feelings of caring and kindness toward yourself, taking an understanding, non-judgmental attitude toward your inadequacies and failures, and recognising that your experience is part of the common human experience.
Anthony Clare and I were of the generation that saw merit in what used to be called ‘the stiff upper lip’. Rather to my surprise, recent research suggests we might have been right.
In 2023, researchers at Cambridge University’s Medical Research Council Cognition and Brain Science Unit did some work with people in 16 different countries and came to the old-fashioned conclusion that keeping a stiff upper lip and suppressing negative thoughts can be good for you.
As Professor Michael Anderson, co-author of the report, points out, their findings ‘run counter to the accepted narrative. We’re all familiar with the Freudian idea that if we suppress our feelings or thoughts then these thoughts remain in our unconscious, influencing our behaviour and well-being perniciously.’
Yet, according to the Cambridge findings, suppressing thoughts even improved mental health among those with likely post-traumatic stress disorder.
So don’t wallow in your worries. Either rise above them or suppress them, if you can.
Mindfulness, which Gyles Brandreth implements in his daily life, is a way of paying attention to the present moment, using techniques such as meditation, breathing and yoga
The Seven Secrets will help you. But if you can’t, if you are feeling relentlessly unhappy, don’t beat yourself up about it. That’s where self-compassion comes in.
At times when you feel stressed, anxious or overwhelmed, just a few moments of self-compassion can be very helpful.
The self-compassion techniques that are recommended at the Harvard Medical School are straightforward:
- Comfort your body;
- Eat something healthy;
- Lie down and rest;
- Massage your own neck, feet, or hands;
- Take a walk.
My friend, Finola-the-physio, says: ‘You can bring in physical touch, such as placing a hand to your heart or holding your own hands. In the same way that having a hug or a comforting pat on the back can be reassuring from another person, we can do this to ourselves.
‘Essentially, it’s self-soothing. And while doing this, there are a few mantras you can try – repeating them to yourself, out loud or in your head. You can be explicit, labelling the experience, “This is a moment of suffering”, and then bring common humanity into the mix, which can help us to remember that we are not alone: “Lots of others feel this way. Suffering is a part of life.”
‘You can finish with a gentle gesture to yourself: “May I be safe, may I be kind to myself, may I accept myself as I am, may I accept my life as it is.”
‘On the surface, it may not seem like much, nor that it would be helpful. However, by treating ourselves with the kindness and compassion we would give a friend or family member, we can help reduce the burden that difficult times can bring.’
Self-compassion helps us feel calm, cared for and connected.
And feeling connected is fundamental to being happy.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development – the longest study ever conducted on human happiness – produced its most recent report in 2023. Following a large population of adults over more than eight decades, the study found that caring for your health and building loving relationships contributed the most to health and happiness.
It seems that professional success does not guarantee happiness; rather, it’s the quality of your relationships that matters most. Loneliness is common, but fostering social connections and regularly practising social skills reduces it.
According to Dr Robert Waldinger, director of the study and professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, good relationships ‘keep us healthier and happier’.
People with more robust social connections showed lower rates of diabetes, arthritis, cognitive decline and other chronic conditions. Close relationships, it seems, act as ‘stress regulators’, helping our bodies calm down and return to equilibrium when they may have been over-stimulated by life’s inevitable challenges.
‘Loneliness kills,’ says Dr Waldinger. ‘Social connections are as important to our long-term health as diet and exercise.’
Gyles Brandreth recommends making a list of what you have to be thankful for, on paper or in your head, to practise gratitude
So, with all of that in mind I offer my two adjuncts to the ultimate Seven Secrets:
Seven Secrets of Physical Happiness
- Find what activity or exercise you enjoy. If you enjoy it, you’re more likely to give it 100 per cent and stick with it to see the results.
- Be fully mindful and present during your activity. This will enhance your experience.
- Go to group classes. Meeting new people who share a common interest has multiple benefits to increase happiness.
- Have an ‘accountability buddy’. Having someone to exercise with, or simply check in with, keeps you consistent as well as in touch with someone else.
- When it comes to movement during the day, ‘little and often’ is what does the trick. What our bodies benefit from are small and frequent ‘exercise snacks’, leading to reduced spinal pain, lower blood pressure and improved concentration at work.
- Mindful walking. Getting outdoors has multiple benefits. As well as increasing happiness in the moment, it also helps with our sleep, which in turn helps improve our happiness.
- Set regular short-term goals within your exercise routines. Achieving short-term, realistic goals on a regular basis will improve your happiness and keep you motivated to stay active.
The writer attends a night of poetry, music and comedy at the historic crypt of St Martin-in-the-Fields church, London
And since we cannot look after just our bodies, I have homed in on the seven strategies for achieving psychological happiness.
Seven Secrets of Psychological Happiness
- Ten minutes of mindfulness every day.
- A few minutes of self-compassion.
- Making time for ‘gratitude journalling’ – either ‘counting your blessings’ in your head as you wake up or before you go to sleep, or making a written list of what you have to be thankful for today, from small things (the smile from a stranger in the queue at the post office, the cup of coffee just when you needed it) to big things (like your health).
- Reducing your time on social media. Give yourself a daily limit. Aim for 30 minutes, no more. (I am a regular on X @GylesB1 and Instagram @gylesbrandreth, but all research shows that excessive social media use can contribute to loneliness, depression, loss of self-esteem and a reduced ability to develop meaningful relationships.)
- Ensuring a sense of purpose in life, a reason to get up in the morning, and setting short-term attainable goals (eg, your purpose might be to spend quality time with friends and family. Your short-term goal is to fix specific dates and times to meet up with them. Or your purpose might be to become a valued and valuable member of the community. Your short-term goal might be to work out what you can do this week to make a difference.)
- Laughing. Watch your favourite television show, learn a few jokes, spend time with people who can make you laugh.
- Giving. Give time, money, advice… even brief moments of giving and generosity will increase your own happiness – as well as the recipient’s, of course. Supporting a charity, volunteering on a regular basis, spontaneously giving up your seat to someone on a crowded train – each in their way can contribute to your happiness.
Welcome to Happiness Mountain. You are at base camp. The Seven Secrets will take you to the summit. But take all of the wisdom I have extolled over the past two days, which is all supported by solid scientific research, on board and live by it and you will be happy.
Onward! Upward! Enjoy the journey: stick with it. As Arnold Bennett, one of my favourite writers, noted: ‘It is easier to go down a hill than up, but the view is from the top.’
The Seven Secrets Of Happiness by Gyles Brandreth (Short Books, £12.99). © Gyles Brandreth 2024. To order a copy for £11.69 (offer valid to 21/07/24; UK P&P free on orders over £25), go to mailshop.co.uk/books or call 020 3176 2937