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Bachelorette star Josh Seiter, 37, opens up about the storm of hate she's battled since coming out as transgender - and reveals it's coming mainly from the left
She was the reality star turned mental health blogger who was caught in a social media storm last summer when her Instagram account was hacked and her death falsely announced.
Now Bachelorette alumnus Josh Seiter, 37, is weathering a new storm after coming out as transgender in May.
Since telling the world of her transition, Seiter says she has endured a storm of bigotry with some questioning whether she is truly transitioning at all while others lambast her for choosing to keep her facial hair.
Speaking in an exclusive interview with DailyMail.com from her home in Chicago, Seiter said: ‘I’ve had death threats, people telling me they're going to hang me, they can't wait to see me so they can kill me.
‘These are all messages I have in my [direct message inbox].’
Bachelorette star Josh Seiter is weathering a storm of hate after coming out as trans in May. The reality TV figure opened up about the backlash in an exclusive DailyMail.com interview
Since telling the world of her transition, Seiter, 37, says she has endured a storm of bigotry with some questioning whether she is truly transitioning at all while others lambast her for choosing to keep her facial hair
Seiter says producers talked him into stripping off for Kaitlyn Bristowe on The Bachelorette in 2015
She added: ‘I feel like everyone always has an opinion. Usually, it's bad. Usually, the people voicing the opinion have a horrible opinion.
‘And so, I don't take life advice from people screaming at me on social media. That's just never how I've lived my life.
‘When I was a male stripper, people were saying nasty things about me. When I did OnlyFans, people said nasty things about me.
‘During the death hoax, people said nasty things about me. I just am going to keep living my life understanding there's always going to be detractors, always going to be haters, but that's a them problem and not a me problem.’
To her surprise, most of the unpleasantness has come from other members of the LGBTQ community and from people on the left.
She said: ‘Ironically, I've actually found that the far left and the LGBTQ community have been some of the most vitriolic and mean towards me throughout all of this.
‘So that's a very tough issue for me because I haven't been met with acceptance, tolerance and open arms like the left loves to preach about.’
‘I feel like everyone always has an opinion. Usually, it's bad. Usually, the people voicing the opinion have a horrible opinion,' Seiter said of the people who sent her hateful messages
Born in 1987 and raised in smalltown Urbana, Illinois, Seiter was the youngest of three brothers growing up in a strict Born Again Christian family.
Despite her family’s religious conservatism, Seiter says she always felt different but that the concept of gender dysphoria was not something she was aware of.
‘Back in the nineties, language like that didn't even exist for a young child like me to articulate it.
‘But I used to wear my mom's dresses when I was five or six years old. I put on her snap-on earrings, and I knew that I struggled with lots of things.
‘I had to work. I had to meet expectations of family and friends and society and everything like that.’
'Ironically, I've actually found that the far Left and the LGBTQ community have been some of the most vitriolic and mean towards me throughout all of this,' Seiter revealed of her transition
Seiter revealed she's enjoyed wearing dresses since being a small child. She now proudly wears lipstick and jewelry, while keeping her facial hair
Seiter with one of her brothers, who she asked DailyMail.com not to name
Seiter shared family photographs with DailyMail.com, including this image of herself in her youth, with her father
That included an early job as a firefighter before giving that career up to pursue a degree in criminal litigation at the Chicago-Kent College of Law, part of the Illinois Institute of Technology.
After graduating in 2013, Seiter worked as an escort before making her inaugural reality TV appearance on Escape Club under her professional name Andrew Dean in 2014.
The show takes six men and six women all dissatisfied with their lives and transports them to a Caribbean resort where they’re pitted against each other to win a year-long vacation.
Although Seiter was eliminated in week three, she was brought back by producers and finished third – but not before getting her first experience of a media storm when gossip website TMZ revealed her work for Cowboys 4 Angels, an escort agency immortalized in the Showtime documentary Gigolos.
The revelation caused ructions in her personal life with her conservative family left unpleasantly shocked.
Although she remains close to her mother, 70, and her middle brother, 38, her eldest brother, 44, is estranged from her.
Seiter's elder brother, now 44, once had a close relationship withher, but now the pair are estranged
Seiter was raised by highly conservative Born Again Christians. She revealed she always felt different as a child, and enjoyed trying on her mother's dresses and clip-on earrings
She has asked not to use any of their names, telling DailyMail.com: ‘I don’t want to cause issues and I know [her eldest brother] doesn’t want to be associated with me.’
Despite outwardly appearing to be a confident, attractive man, Seiter was also struggling with her mental health: crippled by depression and anxiety, and even attempting suicide at one point.
Nevertheless, in 2015 she was chosen to appear as a contestant on Series 11 of the Bachelorette, memorably stripping off for Kaitlyn Bristowe – an episode she now says she was talked into doing by producers.
Rapidly eliminated, she returned to working as a stripper for the Dreamboys troupe while at the same time, making a name for herself as an advocate for mental health issues and growing a large social media fanbase.
She said: ‘It was a surreal experience. I don't regret that experience, but it wasn't one of my most favorite or happy experiences in my life.
‘It was a very anxiety- and fear-inducing situation.’
Seiter's transgender journey has been a long one, coming out at the age of 37 after growing up in a Born Again Christian family in Illinois
Despite outwardly appearing to be a confident, attractive man, Seiter also struggled with her mental health: crippled by depression and anxiety, and even attempting suicide at one point, as she revealed in an Instagram post
A string of glamorous girlfriends came next, among them reality stars Yolanda Leak and Karine Staehle – both of whom appeared on 90 Day Fiancé – and then Love After Lockup’s Lizzie Kommes.
But behind the scenes, she was coming to terms with her sexuality – finally revealing she is bisexual and engaged to a fellow exotic dancer in June 2023.
Although the engagement broke down, Seiter was the subject of several glowing profiles in magazines Out and Pride, with Seiter telling the latter of her plans to make adult films and adding: ‘This has been a dream of mine for a really long time.
'Unfortunately, coming from a Christian conservative family, it was never a reality.
‘For many years my upbringing and brainwashing precluded me from embracing my authentic self and pursuing my dreams. However, now that I am out as a bisexual man, I intend to make up for lost time.’
But less than one month later, the fake death announcement was released – upending Seiter’s life once again.
At the same time, she was confronting her gender dysphoria – eventually coming out as trans to family and close friends at Christmas.
Seiter's life was also upended by a fake death hoax. She opened up about this to Daily mail.com
Seiter now proudly wears makeup, dresses and jewelry in selfies posted to her Instagram page
Seiter rose to fame after appearing on The Bachelorette reality TV show in 2015
It took until May for her to come out to the world, with Seiter telling DailyMail.com she no longer wanted to ‘live a lie’.
One thing she did not expect, however, was the level of abuse that followed. ‘It was a relief to be honest with my family and friends,’ she explained.
‘There's very little relief about being open and honest online, but that's not why I did it. I just did it because it's how I feel and it's the truth.
‘I didn't want to live a lie, but I found all of the relief in telling the loved ones. No relief ever comes from telling strangers.’
Much of that has to do with the fact she has kept her beard and wears it with lipstick, attracting comments questioning whether she is sincere about her transition.
Other criticism has stemmed from her desire to use women’s restrooms and be treated to dinner on first dates.
The avowed Libertarian says she has no plans to deactivate her social media accounts and says she wants to be part of the conversation, despite facing a backlash of hate online
Seiter has opened up about facing a storm of hate after coming out as transgender in May
Nevertheless, the avowed Libertarian says she has no plans to deactivate her social media accounts and says she wants to be part of the conversation.
‘I always want to have a conversation,’ she told DailyMail.com. ‘I think open debate and civic debate and dialogue are great.
‘We live in a democracy in America where you have freedom of speech and it's okay to disagree with people.
‘I love that. I'm always going to encourage it. And I think everyone else should be motivated and happy when they see open discussions happening instead of trying to shut them down all the time.
Again, the only ones I see trying to shut down free and open discussions tend to be the so-called accepting, tolerant Left side. I find it very interesting.’
Although still feeling her way through the transition process, Seiter says she does eventually plan to have reassignment surgery, although it’s still a long way off.
Seiter previously charmed a string of glamorous girlfriends, among them reality stars Yolanda Leak and Karine Staehle – both of whom appeared on 90 Day Fiance – and then Love After Lockup’s Lizzie Kommes
‘There's very little relief about being open and honest online, but that's not why I did it. I just did it because it's how I feel and it's the truth,' Seiter said
But she does have some advice for people thinking of coming out, whether as trans or gay – which includes managing expectations about how others might react.
‘Being open and honest should be done because doing so is going to be cathartic for you,’ she said.
‘It should not be done with a quid pro quo expectation that you are going to get something from anyone else outside of yourself for it, whether it's sympathy or love or acceptance.
‘If you come out wanting something in return, you're going to be disappointed because often you're going to be met how I was met with absolutely nothing but hate in return.
‘But if you're doing it because doing so helps you and you find it cathartic, then absolutely 100 per cent do it.
‘And don't worry about if other people understand it, if other people love it or hate it, or if other people aren't accepting of it - we have one life to live. Do what makes you happy.’