Break-up coach shares her three 'controversial' rules to make a relationship work - including a ban on PDA

A 'break-up coach' who helps people cultivate 'self-love' has revealed the three 'controversial things' that make her relationship work. 

In a TikTok video that's been viewed almost 650,000 times, Lauren Savage, from Southampton, admits that the boundaries that she and her boyfriend of three years, Somto, have put in place are 'a little bit different, but it's what works for us.'

But while many of her viewers have praised Lauren's relationship hacks as 'healthy' and 'adult', others have wondered if the video was an attempt to convince herself that their approach is a good one.

Lauren, who posts as @laurenjasminecoaching acknowledges that 'no two relationships are ever going to be the same' before introducing her first hack, which is having two duvets. 

Lauren pictured with Somto, her partner of three years. The couple tend not to talk when they're apart, which means they have more to talk about when they come back together 

She said it's the 'solution to an ongoing problem' that has troubled their relationship. 

'We both cocoon ourselves. I love to be wrapped up, he loves to be wrapped up,' she told viewers.

In the past, they would 'actually lose sleep' fighting over the duvet.

'He would take it from me, I would take it from him,' she said.

Anticipating viewers' potential criticisms of the couple's approach, Lauren emhpasised that she and Somto 'do like to cuddle' - and the two duvets hack doesn't prevent them from doing so. 

She added: 'They're duvets. You can move them. If we want to cuddle, we still can.'

Moving on to the second 'controversial thing' that makes her relationship work well, Lauren told her audience that she and Somto tend not to talk when one of them is away.

Lauren Savage, from Southampton, who posts on TikTok as @laurenjasminecoaching, is a 'breakup coach'. She shared three 'controversial things' which make her relationship work

While Lauren and her partner sleep in the same bed, they have separate duvets, making for a more comfortable night. They also refrain from kissing and cuddling in front of other people 

'If one of us goes away for the night or the weekend somewhere, we don't really talk,' Lauren said.

She explained that not texting all the time is 'the way we just kind of respect each other's "me" time and respect each other's own independent plans.'

While it hasn't always been that way - at the beginning of their relationship the couple 'were texting just for the sake of it' - Lauren was quick to point out the benefit of setting this kind of boundary.  

'When we come back together - which we will because I'm only away for a weekend - we're going to have so much to talk about,' she told viewers. 

The pair don't cut contact completely, though. Rather, they still exchange 'goodnight' and 'good morning' texts when they are apart.

The third and final 'controversial thing' is Lauren and Somto's shared preference when it comes to public displays of affection (PDA). 

'We don't do PDA,' Lauren says, adding that her siblings 'pick her up on it' because they are 'extremely tactile' with their own partners. 

While her siblings 'are constantly hand-holding' and cuddling 'no matter who they're in front of,' Lauren and Somto 'just don't do it.'

A number of TikTokers praised Lauren's approach to her relationship and agreed with her three boundaries 

She added: 'I think it's just the type of people we are.' 

Yet Lauren was quick to reassure viewers that they are, in fact, very affectionate towards each other when they're alone and occasionally go against their own guidelines, holding hands in public or kissing in front of her family. 

She insisted that the lack of PDA doesn't mean that she and Somto don't love each other. 

'It doesn't mean we're just companions,' she added.  

Lauren pointed out that she doesn't think the three relationship hacks are 'that strange'.

One person commented: 'Separate duvets is actually elite'.

Another added: 'The not forcing talking when you guys are doing your own thing is so real... I shouldn't expect my other half to give me ALL her time'.

A third person agreed, writing: 'Amen to the not talking when not together'. 

Others explained that having separate duvets isn't controversial at all in some parts of Europe, including Scandinavian countries and Iceland  

TikTokers also appreciated Lauren's approach to PDA, with a fourth person posting: 'The no PDA in front of family is so real'.

A fifth praised Lauren and Somto's approach in its entirety, writing: 'Not sure why this is controversial to people? This genuinely sounds like a safe, trustworthy relationship and I honestly respect everything you've just said!' 

A sixth said: 'Sounds healthy and not co-dependent'.  

Others agreed, especially when it came to the two duvets, explaining that it is actually a common solution in many parts of Europe.

One user explained: 'I experienced the whole separate duvets thing at a hotel in Iceland (same bed) and honestly it's a game changer'.

A second added: 'Separate duvets is the norm in Scandinavia and it is a GODSEND!!!'

Another swathe of users took the opportunity to share their own relationship hacks.

One explained that rather than plumping for separate duvets, she and her partner 'just bought a larger duvet' which is 'more aesthetically pleasing' than two mismatched single duvets. 

While fellow TikTokers took the opportunity to share their own relationship hacks, others were more critical 

While a second admitted: 'I wouldn't even want to sleep in the same bed'.

Yet not everyone agreed that Lauren's 'controversial things' were the answer. 

One person lamented: 'As someone with mega separation anxiety  from my partner of 5 years, I wish I could do the no texting thing'. 

While someone said: 'Are you trying to convince us or yourself'.