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No, your parents are probably not to blame for all your problems: DR MAX PEMBERTON
We hear a lot about 'trauma' these days; in fact, contemporary psychology seems obsessed with it.
Until a few years ago it wasn't something doctors heard much about at all, outside of people who had experienced some catastrophic tragedy, accident or life-changing event that resulted in post-traumatic stress disorder.
Today it's a different story. At times it feels as though everyone is claiming to be traumatised now, no matter how apparently normal and humdrum their life is.
Increasingly I hear patients talk about having experienced 'trauma', often in relation to their childhood. After digging a little deeper I generally find that they weren't abused, bereaved or gravely ill, and didn't necessarily witness something we might consider 'traumatic.'
Similarly, social media is awash with people talking about trauma. It feels as though it has become fashionable.
Children need to feel nurtured and loved, and in many different ways. Some need freedom, others thrive on order and routine, writes Dr Max
In many cases what they're referring to is 'struggle' — something we all come up against at some stage, and not the same thing at all.
In my opinion it's not helpful to re-frame every minor mishap, set back or stumble as 'trauma'.
It's become such a buzzword that a few patients who have experienced genuine and severe trauma, such as sexual assault or rape, have spoken about being quite resentful of the way the word has been appropriated by armchair psychologists on social media to relate to anything vaguely upsetting.
Should we really be categorising the sadness that someone experiences when their dad misses their sports day in the same way as the person whose dad abused them?
I'm in no way belittling not having your emotional needs met as a child, something that can have long-lasting repercussions into adulthood.
Children need to feel nurtured and loved, and in many different ways. Some need freedom, others thrive on order and routine. When parents don't get it right, it can be hugely difficult and shape who we are as adults.
Someone who doesn't feel loved in the right way for them might grow up to believe that they are unlovable and need to try extra-hard to make people like them. They might become desperate people-pleasers for example, constantly seeking the approval of those around them.
It's not that they weren't loved when they were young — rather they weren't loved in the way that they craved.
This isn't to criticise parents, who, after all, aren't given a manual on what their child needs. Mostly it's guesswork.
But if your parents were imperfect, dwelling on an emotionally unfulfilling childhood and wearing it as some kind of label is only going to lead to more problems. It keeps you in a permanent state of victimhood and stops you being able to understand and move on from your upset.
One of the world experts on trauma, the psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, whose book The Body Keeps The Score has stayed in the bestseller list for several years, said in a recent interview that 'when trauma becomes your identity, that's a dangerous thing'.
I think this is very true. When we declare common struggles to be 'trauma' it keeps us looking back and prevents us from accepting that, while our needs might not have been met in quite the way we wanted, we were still loved and cared for.
Realising this helps us to accept who we are — both the positive and the negative parts. It's a good thing that it's far more straightforward to process these kinds of difficulties as opposed to overcoming the trauma of being in a house fire, or watching a family member die, or being the victim of abuse.
We don't need to evoke the language of trauma to understand that life can be challenging at times, but our difficulties don't have to define us and we can change, put them behind us and move forward into a happier life.
The World Health Organisation has been accused of 'punishing' women after urging new mothers to breastfeed for six months. It is the best start to a baby's life, but I'm fed up with the pressures placed on women bombarded with advice that makes them feel like failures if they give birth, feed or raise a child in a way that's not the official line.
Surprising truth about Zara's trolls
Reality TV star Zara McDermott, 27, has spent time investigating the 'trolls' who sent her vile comments on social media and was surprised to discover they had very normal lives. There was a female primary school teacher and a married middle-aged man with children.
We like to think of trolls as being sad, lonely people who are just looking for attention, and that does account for some. But psychological studies have suggested they feel morally superior and justified in putting others down.
As a result, there is often limited value in appealing to their humanity, as showing them that they have upset you only reinforces their behaviour. Psychologists suggest that responding with a level of indifference but clearly stating their behaviour is not OK is the best approach. It's also vital that we all step in when we see someone else being trolled and show our disapproval.
Reality TV star Zara McDermott, 27, has spent time investigating the 'trolls' who sent her vile comments on social media
A pill which raises the chances of having a baby through IVF by 7 per cent has been developed by scientists. The drug, called OXO-001, is the first treatment which acts directly on the inner lining of the womb to boost the chance of an embryo implanting.
No doubt this will be hailed as a good thing for those struggling to conceive. But we risk overlooking another way to become a parent: adoption.
Rates of adoption are falling and children in care are waiting longer than ever to find adoptive parents. I have a number of young people in my clinic who have been in the care system and, while everyone does their best, it is no substitute for a loving family.
I appreciate that adoption is fraught with difficulties, but let's not forget that it's an option and can transform lives.
Dr Max prescribes... A daily laugh
An extraordinary new law in a region of Japan stipulates that people must laugh at least once a day.
The ruling also demands businesses 'develop a workplace environment filled with laughter', and designates the 8th of every month a 'day of laughter'.
The law was inspired by research from the local university which found regular laughter can reduce your risk of heart disease and help you live longer.
An extraordinary new law in a region of Japan stipulates people must laugh at least once a day