Tracey Cox reveals the 6 surprising sex experiences most men crave - but will never admit to (and they're a lot more 'vanilla' than you might expect!)

They’re certainly not shy when asking if you’d indulge their number one fantasy – a threesome (of course).

But when it comes to the more touchy-feely side of sex, lots of men are too embarrassed to ask for what they really want.

Here’s six of the sex experiences he secretly longing for…

TO BE TOUCHED AND CARESSED

He says: “When we have sex, it’s very much a case of ‘put that inside me and get on with it’. I can’t remember the last time my wife touched me lovingly, let alone caressed me in a sexual way.”

The need for physical touch is a basic human requirement for emotional well-being - but it’s the first thing to go in a relationship where one of you doesn’t enjoy sex. If touching and kissing is seen as a signal of sexual interest, you aren’t going to do it if you don’t want sex.

Men want to be kissed and caressed much more than women appreciate - they too crave affection  

I’m not sure people realise just how dire the consequences are when you stop physical affection.

Without touch, men feel emotionally distant from their partners. Isolated and lonely, they question their physical attractiveness and desirability. Intimacy in the relationship breaks down, making any sex that does happen feel mechanical and forced.

Sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox (pictured) reveals the six sex experiences that men secretly crave, from being kissed and caressed to hearing you enjoying yourself

I get dozens of letters from men in low or no-sex relationships saying how miserable they are that their wives don’t show them any affection. Sometimes, it’s the touching more than the sex that they miss the most.

Make his day: Tell him you’re nervous to touch him in case it’s misinterpreted as you wanting sex, and agree on a clear, spoken ‘I want sex’ signal so cuddling, kissing and spoon-style snuggling can resume.

TO SEE YOU NAKED FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE

He says: “I swear she can undress and jump under the covers in less than a second – and that’s any chance I had of looking at her naked over.”

Men are highly visual creatures – which is one reason why porn appeals to men while reading erotica appeals more to women. Devouring your body with their eyes while having sex with you, is one of their greatest pleasures – and one that’s often denied them. It's lights off and under the covers in more bedrooms than you realise.

Body image is a big issue for lots of women: we feel shy and ashamed about our bodies and don’t feel comfortable being looked at. An admiring gaze can feel critical if you’re paranoid about how you look. Which is why women often undress quickly when sex is on the agenda – sometimes while he’s not even in the room - then hide themselves away.

Make his day: Ask him to undress you or do it yourself – slowly. Treat getting naked as a slightly speed up striptease. If you feel shy or uncomfortable being watched, close your eyes.

TO SHOW YOU DESIRE HIM

He says: “My wife has never initiated sex in the whole 18 years we have been together. It sends a clear message: I’m only having sex with you because you want to.”

He’s right: not ever being the one to suggest sex does send strong messages. I don’t desire you. I’m only having sex to please you. Sex with you isn’t enjoyable. You don’t please me in bed.

Her initiating sex more is the most requested sex act from men – it’s been the top of his most wanted list since I started writing about sex decades ago.

Make his day: Do this one, simple thing – initiate sex when you never or rarely do – and you will transform your sex life, regardless of what sorry state it’s in.

TO BASK IN A LITTLE PENIS WORSHIP

He says: “Women have no idea of the shame that comes from having an undersized penis. Having to laugh along with all those jokes about size, watching her face fall when you first reveal it. Our view of our penis is so tied up in our identity, it feels like you can’t really love us without loving it.”

There is no female equivalent to a penis. Our genitals are tucked away out of sight, breasts can be altered to make them bigger or smaller, orgasms can be faked. His penis is not only on show, with ejaculation evidence of orgasm, there’s still no successful operation to alter the length or width. Viagra may make him harder but it won’t stop him ejaculating before he or you are ready.

Men are no less self-conscious than women when it comes to their private parts - let your man know that you appreciate all of him

Nothing, but nothing, affects the male ego more than the size and performance of his sexual organ. For some men, his entire self-worth is in tatters purely because he perceives it to be too small or he’s too quick to orgasm.

Make his day: Let him know his penis is the perfect size and shape for you and what he does with it feels fantastic. If he has an erection wobble or any other performance issue, don’t overreact. Let him know its normal and is nothing to be embarrassed about.

TO BE COMPLIMENTED

He says: “My girlfriend constantly bigs me up. She grabs my biceps admiringly when I’m back from the gym; if something good happens at work, there’s champagne and a celebration waiting for me at home. I feel like a king. A lot of women don’t understand how insecure men are and how desperately we want your approval.”

Men are socialised to pursue women, using compliments to win them over. We were raised to expect compliments from men: to be told we’re pretty, sexy, attractive.

Women are taught to admire men mainly for their work or financial achievements. It’s not ‘manly’ for a man to ask for validation on other things. When we post a photo, our followers jump in immediately to tell us how great we look. This doesn’t happen for men. His partner is often the only source of compliments, especially about his appearance – so load them on! Ditto what a great father he is, how much you appreciate his advice, how kind and thoughtful he is.

Make his day: Men need reassurance and to know they are loved just as much as women do. Aim to give at least one compliment a day: a mix of non-sexual (Thanks so much for your help earlier) and sexual (I swear, you give the best oral sex in the world).

TO HEAR YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF (AND NOT JUST AT THE END)

He says: “I’ve slept with lots of women and most remain completely silent until the end. When they think you’re about to orgasm (or want you to), suddenly they’ll moan and groan. It feels fake. If they were really enjoying it, why didn’t they make some noise beforehand?”

Noise is audible feedback: a sign the person you’re having sex with is enjoying themselves rather than wishing it was all over.

It’s also extremely useful as feedback/instruction: something else men crave but don’t like asking for. Moan when he hits the spot, and he knows he’s found it.

For women, going silent can be something we do to help us orgasm: we close our eyes and fantasise or focus on sensations to climax. Men don’t realise this, so if silence is what you need to get there, let him know this is why you’re quiet.

Make his day: You don’t have to talk dirty or scream the house down. But a gasp, moan or ‘That feels fantastic’ murmured into his ear lets him know you are loving the experience as much as he hopes you are.

• Enjoy listening to SexTok, Tracey’s weekly podcast? Don’t miss the last few episodes of Season 10 – out every Wednesday. Details at sextokpod.com or traceycox.com.