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Bride sparks fierce debate after revealing why she kicked her own sister out of her wedding
A bride has admitted that she felt 'guilty' after kicking her own sister out of her wedding for showing up in the wrong color dress.
The unnamed woman, 26, took to Reddit's notorious r/AmITheA**hole forum to break down the situation in order for readers to judge whether or not she was in the wrong.
'AITA for kicking my sister out of my wedding because she did not follow the color scheme?' the post was titled.
She went on to explain that her parents had adopted her a little sister, pseudonymed Jen, when she nine and Jen was seven.
A 26-year-old woman took to Reddit to ask whether she was in the wrong for ejecting her little sister from her wedding for deliberately flouting the dress code
While the woman had asked that all of her guests don yellow - her favorite color - the little sister claimed that yellow didn't look good on her and showed up in purple instead (stock image)
Due to the severe trauma and neglect Jen had experienced in early childhood, she struggled to adjust.
But her adoptive parents seemingly overcompensated on her behalf, and began to take pains to let her always get her way - even concerning matters related to OP (the original poster).
'Jen was thin and fearful due to being neglected,' OP wrote.
'We did everything to make her feel loved. We bought her lots of toys. Everything Jen wanted, she got.
'When my parents asked me to move to the smaller bedroom so Jen could have my room, I was happy to. When they asked if I would let Jen pick the decorations and cake for my upcoming birthday, I agreed.
'I was so happy to have a sister, and I understood why my parents gave her special treatment,' the woman went on.
'Only the treatment didn't stop. For years, every trip we went on, we had to do what Jen wanted to do. We had to eat where she wanted to eat. And she got to plan all MY birthday parties,' OP described incredulously.
'If she didn't get what she wanted, she threw a tantrum. I still felt loved and cared for by my parents – they drove me to practices, bought me things, cooked meals for me, spent quality time and gave me advice, but I was always second to Jen.'
Out of thousands of comments, the consensus was that the woman was not the a**hole - or NTA for short, with many agreeing that the dress code was fair
When she grew old enough, Jen created distance from her family by moving to the opposite side of the country for college and working to become financially independent as quickly as possible.
She eventually got engaged, and she and her fiancé, pseudonymed Kip, came up with a very clear-cut color scheme for their wedding, which she wanted to be 'perfect.'
Her favorite color being yellow, and his being blue, they decided that all her guests should wear yellow, and his should wear blue - and any mutual friends should don green.
However, Jen was quick to take issue with the dress code, claiming yellow was not her color.
'When Jen found out about this, she was mad,' wrote OP.
'I didn't know this, but she hates yellow and it "washes her out." She told me under no circumstances would she wear yellow. I shrugged and said that was fine – I would just kick her out if she did not wear yellow.'
OP added that all her guests were made aware that they did not have to wear head-to-toe yellow, blue or green.
In other words, simply showing up with a yellow, blue or green accent - i.e., a piece of jewelry or a tie - with a neutral-toned outfit would have also aligned with her desired dress code.
Still, when the wedding day arrived, Jen wouldn't fall in line - and showed up in purple.
'There was no further discussion, but on my wedding day Jen came in a purple dress. I told her to leave immediately. The color scheme was perfect and she ruined it. Jen refused to leave until I threatened to call security.'
The rest of the wedding went 'smoothly,' described OP.
But after the event, she discovered her parents were 'furious' with her for kicking Jen out over the color of her dress.
'I told them that I warned her she would be kicked out if she didn't follow the color scheme, but they said they all thought it was a joke.
'They said it was cruel of me to kick my sister out over something so trivial.
'I told them this was MY wedding that I threw without their support, so I can kick out whoever I want to.
'Kip came rushing to defend me and even told my parents they should be ashamed of how they treated me, but over the past few days, a lot of people I've talked to – grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, have been mixed.
'Some say they wouldn't have even invited Jen if they were me, while others think I should have let it slide. AITA?' concluded the woman, with AITA shorthand for the query: 'Am I The A**hole?'
In a later update, OP explained that the fallout from the wedding had actually helped spur an honest conversation with her parents about how she'd felt neglected in contrast to how they'd treated Jen growing up.
'At that point I told them how my upbringing had impacted me, and how my wedding was supposed to make up for the parties I never had as a kid, the decisions I never got to make. For the first time, I was able to call all of the shots and make everything exactly the way I wanted it to be,' described OP.
'My parents said they had absolutely no idea how deeply their treatment had affected me. This is somewhat fair because I never really talked to them about it, but at the same time, I feel like they should have wondered why I left home as soon as I could, never came back, and hardly ever texted/called them.
'They said they feel so sorry about it, and are now planning a vacation with them, myself, and Kip for next summer to make up for it. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but at least now it looks like they're making an effort,' she went on.
At the same time, Jen had struggled even more than OP had realized - while, now in young adulthood, the doting manner in which she'd been raised seemed to be hurting her more than ever.
Jen had apparently failed to make friends throughout middle school and high school, but 'wouldn't cooperate' when it came to therapy.
'College was a slap in the face for her when she realized the world didn't revolve around her – she had to live in the same 7x9' room with plaster walls and linoleum floors as everyone else,' OP further described.
'She dropped out after a year and tried getting a job, but got fired after a few months. At that point my parents realized they really f**ked up. They told Jen she had to either go to intensive therapy or they would kick her out.
'According to my parents, she's now taking classes at a community college and hoping to transfer to a four-year institution. She's doing better for the most part, though she occasionally lashes out,' she relayed.
OP concluded of her situation: 'I'm open to having more of a relationship with them, but I don't think we'll ever be a super tight knit family. Some wounds are too deep. But instead of dwelling on the past, I'm looking towards my future – starting a family with Kip, and making sure I don't make the same mistakes my parents did.'
The Reddit post garnered more than 1,500 comments, with most coming to the consensus that OP was Not The A**hole - NTA for short.
As one reasoned: 'NTA. The question here isn't whether or not a color scheme is stupid. It very well could be but it's also becoming the norm. And frankly, if you don't like it, you don't have to attend the event.
'But what you don't get to do is say a color scheme is stupid so I'll make up my own rules and force the couple being married to let me in. Jen was stupid here. OP, you did the right thing in kicking her out.
'Her feelings, that she can dictate the rules for your wedding, aren't any worse than you having those rules in place. In short, f**k Jen, she got what she wanted in the end,' the stated conclusively.
A second offered: 'NTA. I have been to weddings where the bride and groom wanted a color scheme.
'To date I have not known of anyone who had such a problem that they showed up in a different color just for spite. Because make no mistake about it, that is exactly why your sister showed up in purple, pure spite.
'If the color yellow was really the problem, she could have asked to wear blue. Instead, she showed up in purple with the express intention of upstaging the bride and groom and causing a scene, knowing all the time that your parents would back her up.
'Your parents have been s***ty to you ever since your sister showed up. Time to call them and your sister out for their obnoxious behavior and blatant favoritism,' the reasoned.
As a third succinctly put it: 'NTA. I think the backstory is relevant here. She finally got to decide on how to organize something and she was in charge. She made it clear she wanted her sister in a yellow dress.'
A fourth broke it down thusly: 'I'm not a fan of overly themed weddings with "what to wear" instructions, but on the other hand I have heard way worse. There are eighty-billion shades of yellow and blue, so its no big deal. And really, if anyone had a serious objection to it, they just politely could bow out of it.
'That said, what your sister did was an obvious play at upstaging you, just like she always has done,' the third commenter concluded.
'NTA because you were standing up for yourself. But, if you actually try to continue to maintain a relationship with her, be super-clear about your boundaries to her and your parents. She could continue to make waves especially now that she knows you'll stand up to her,' the fourth commenter concluded.
Taking a survey of the many responses, OP looped back to express her appreciation for the input, writing: 'I felt so guilty the past few days and was worried it would carry into my honeymoon, but you have helped me realize that I am not the bad guy and it is okay that I responded the way I did.'