MAUREEN CALLAHAN: With Meghan still unable to shake those ugly staff bullying claims, the Gruesome Twosome seem more adrift than ever

This cannot be the victory lap the Sussexes had in mind.

As they touch down in Colombia, embarking on their latest non-royal international visit, the Gruesome Twosome seem more adrift than ever.

Their newly hired chief of staff, veteran public relations expert Josh Kettler, has departed after just three months on the job.

'The decision to part ways was mutual,' a source told People magazine, 'with both sides agreeing it wasn't the right fit.'

Really? If this split was so amicable, why wouldn't Kettler have stayed on long enough to at least see them through this foreign trip, rather than exit days before?

Kettler was, we were told in May, hired to 'guide' Harry 'through his next phase'.

But now he is one of at least 18 Sussex staff who have left their employ since 2018 — the newest member of the 'Sussex Survivors Club', as some of these refugees call themselves.

This cannot be the victory lap the Sussexes had in mind.

The Gruesome Twosome seem more adrift than ever. Their newly hired chief of staff, veteran public relations expert Josh Kettler (pictured), has departed after just three months on the job.

This follows senior royal courtier Samantha Cohen, a two-decades-long favorite of the late Queen, telling the Herald Sun in April that she couldn't quit Meghan fast enough.

'I was only supposed to stay for six months but stayed for 18,' Cohen said. 'We couldn't find a replacement for me and when we did, we took them on tour to Africa with Harry and Meghan to show them the ropes but they left as well — while in Africa.'

Cohen also confirmed that she was among numerous staffers who were questioned during a Palace investigation into claims of bullying made against Meghan — allegations that were denied, described at the time by a Sussex spokesman as a 'calculated smear campaign'.

'What may be most telling,' one ex-staffer told the Mail this week, 'is that the entire time I worked there, I don't think I heard a single current or former employee on their staff say they would take the job again if given the chance.'

'These aren't employees they had just found off the streets,' the ex-staffer continued. 'Many of them are people who had previously excelled working for demanding bosses in high-performance companies and environments.'

One can only wonder about the 5 a.m. emails and likely hissy fits these professionals may have been made to endure.

Or the delusional ideas they had to gingerly extinguish, such as Harry's reported grand plan to interview Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin about their daddy issues.

But of course, we can never invoke the Duchess's favorite motto enough: Be kind, everyone!

And now off the Sussexes go, to a nation with one of the highest homicide rates on the planet — but the U.K. is too dangerous for them! — to talk to 'leaders, youth and women who embody the voices and aspirations of Colombians committed to progress,' per vice-president Francia Marquez.

Sounds specific, tangible, goal-oriented and actionable, doesn't it?

Harry and Meghan are also expected to discuss their latest initiative, The Parents' Network, which they launched on 'CBS Sunday Morning' nearly two weeks ago.

Filmed alongside parents who have lost children to suicide caused by online bullying — yes, the same two people who claimed that the royals were racist while Prince Philip lay dying are against bullying — Meghan expressed surprise when journalist Jane Pauley asked about her own suicidal ideation, as previously revealed to Oprah Winfrey and a global audience of 17 million.

'I'm dancing around this,' Pauley said, 'because I can see you're uncomfortable with my even going there.'

'I wasn't expecting it,' Meghan replied. 'But I understand why you are.'

She wasn't expecting it? Meghan and Harry are launching a suicide-awareness initiative, based in part on her self-reported experience, and she wasn't expecting it?

This follows senior royal courtier Samantha Cohen (center, back), a two-decades-long favorite of the late Queen, telling the Herald Sun in April that she couldn't quit Meghan fast enough.

Then came the inevitable word salad, devoid of specifics. Meghan claimed to be open about her own experiences, in service of the less fortunate, while offering nothing.

'When you've been through any level of pain or trauma,' she said, 'I believe part of our healing journey — certainly part of mine — is being able to be really open about it. And you know, I haven't really scraped the surface on my experience. But I do think that I would never want someone else to feel that way. And I would never want someone else to be making those sort of plans. And I would never want someone else to not be believed.'

To not be believed.

As ever, it all comes back to our duchess, who continually gives us many reasons to not believe.

Such as: Her much-heralded launch of American Riviera Orchard, her lifestyle brand, back in March, days before she and the world learned the truth about Kate Middleton's cancer.

Amid the growing furor surrounding Kate's health struggles — and as Prince Charles revealed his own cancer diagnosis — Meghan began shilling her jams and dog biscuits on social media.

Alas, many months later, there are reports of amateurish trademarking issues, and no products for sale, nothing but an airy, empty homepage inviting us to 'join waitlist'.

Among other promised ARO offerings: Meghan's new Netflix show, premised on 'cooking and friendship' — ha! — already filmed, but not premiering until sometime in 2025.

Reports have since circulated that, after Meghan tried and failed to appoint a CEO, Netflix may now even take over production and sales of ARO merchandise.

There's also Meghan's reimagined podcast, picked up by Lemonada after cancellation at Spotify, delayed until next year, reasons unclear.

Meanwhile, Harry's only accomplishment of late was picking up the Pat Tillman Award for Service at the ESPYs, to great backlash.

Tillman was an NFL star who gave up his $3.6 million contract to enlist after 9/11. He was killed by friendly fire in Afghanistan and is rightly regarded an American hero. Tillman's mother, Mary, was outraged.

'There are recipients that are far more fitting,' she told the Mail. 'These individuals do not have the money, resources, connections or privilege that Prince Harry has.'

Such is Brand Sussex: all self-celebration, no substance, forever launching and relaunching to no avail.

Their rebrands are like the buffering symbol on your computer, endlessly attempting to complete the circle, end your agony, and deliver you elsewhere.

As for the Hollywood A-listers they surely hoped would embrace them warmly — well, Harry and Meghan find themselves ever on the outs.

They've been almost nowhere: Not the Superbowl, not the Oscars or attendant afterparties, not the Met Gala or the Olympics. Oprah has vanished.

As ever, it all comes back to our duchess, who continually gives us many reasons to not believe. Such as: Her much-heralded launch of American Riviera Orchard , her lifestyle brand, back in March, days before she and the world learned the truth about Kate Middleton's cancer.

Gwyneth — surely Meghan's ultimate role model — posted a supportive social media message to Kate Middleton in June, then managed not to be photographed with Meghan a few weeks ago in the Hamptons, where they both attended a summit for female entrepreneurs.

Meghan's 43rd birthday – on August 4 – came and went without any notable messages of public support or celebration.

It all begs the question: What on Earth do Harry and Meghan do all day?

Short jaunts to troubled nations — which the late Queen made clear they had no business taking — aren't helping.

One trip they won't be making this week is to the UK for the funeral of Harry's maternal uncle, Lord Robert Fellowes, to whom Harry was very close.

Instead, Colombia awaits, staffers flee, and projects stall — while we wait for Meghan to educate us in perfecting hearth, home and friendships.

Surely, 2025 will be their year — right?