SAUCY SECRETS: I heard a vile rumour from my fiancé's bucks party and now I want to call off the wedding. Am I in the wrong?

Dear Jana,

I'm contemplating calling off my wedding. A couple of weeks ago, we both had our separate bucks and hens parties and we agreed to have strippers. I was comfortable with some level of physical interaction - like a lap dance.

However, I later heard from a friend of a friend that my fiancé allegedly received oral sex from the stripper in front of everyone. He denies it, but I asked my girlfriends to subtly ask their partners if they saw anything and the accounts are mixed - one girlfriend's partner who isn't very reliable, said it happened while others say they saw nothing.

I tried contacting the stripper company, but they haven't got back to me.

Given that we're supposed to marry in two weeks and guests are already making travel plans, should I stick with my decision to call off the wedding despite the lack of solid proof?

Anonymous

Girl, he did it.

You know he did, I know he did, the stripper company knows he did. Oh, and ALL his friends know he did. But like the ol' 'what happens on tour stays on tour' scenario, they're never going to admit it.

Jana Hocking shares her advice to Aussies in sticky, sexy and downright awkward situations 

Now here's an idea, how about you postpone the wedding rather than cancel it straight away. Then ask him directly, and don't just listen to what he says, notice his body language as well. I remember talking to an FBI investigator a few months ago and he said there are some easy signs you can pick up on that someone is lying to you:

- Failing to make eye contact or too much eye contact

- Blinking fast - apparently liars blink up to eight times faster than someone telling the truth

- Overreacting - trying to gaslight you into thinking you're being ridiculous

- Fidgeting -  oh a sure sign of nerves

I'm so sorry you're going through this before one of the most magical days of your life, but best to know before you walk down that aisle. Divorce is expensive!

Dear Jana,

Alright so here's the deal - I've started seeing this amazing woman who's a big TV star. She's got this huge following and her career is way beyond mine - I'm just a plumber, you know? It's hard not to feel like I'm not measuring up, especially when all these guys are constantly hitting on her whenever we're out. 

I'm trying not to let my jealousy get the better of me, but I'm seriously struggling with imposter syndrome. How do I get past these feelings and see myself as her equal in this relationship? I'm worried I might end up sabotaging things because of my own insecurities. Any advice on how to handle this?

Anonymous

Oh anonymous, from one green-eyed-monster to another, let me be frank with you. Jealousy is an absolute head f**k. Trust me, I've suffered from a nasty bout of it from time to time myself, and do you know where it got me? Dumped! That's where.

So, trust me when I say, you gotta let it go. Which sure, sounds a little easier said then done, but thankfully I've come up with some handy reminders to tell yourself whenever you feel a little shrek-like:

1. Remember that she chose YOU! I have no doubt that she's probably dated her share of limelight hogging lotharios out there, and she's probably fatigued with it all. So feel chuffed that she craves a beautifully normal guy who can bring her back down to earth.

2. She's working in a tough industry that probably requires her to sit in her masculine energy. You being a big, blokey plumber, probably allows her to ease back into her feminine energy. So treat her like a princess and lean into the idea that she likes you for your manly trade and demeanour. It's a positive not a negative.

Wise words: 'I've suffered from a nasty bout of jealousy from time to time myself, and do you know where it got me? Dumped! That's where,' Jana says 

3. Remember that whilst her life looks all glitz and glamour, I assure you it's probably not. Sure, there's some fun lunches and awards nights, but she's also contending with big egos, redundancies, fierce competition and an industry that cares little for an ageing beauty. So take away the lights, camera, action and she's just like any other person trying to climb the career ladder and juggle a healthy love life.

One final word, change the narrative when it comes to feeling insecure about blokes trying to pick her up. Instead of feeling threatened, how about you remind yourself that she's hot AF and YOU get to be with her. Appreciate their admiration and give yourself a quiet pat on the back for nabbing a hottie. It could actually be quite a turn-on. Use it.

Dear Jana,

I'm addicted to cheating on my husband. I love him with all my heart, but the thought of him being my only lover for the rest of my life makes me feel deeply sad.

 I love feeling single and the world my oyster. When I'm away for work I get a real thrill out of going to bars to pick up men. Dressing up sexy, flirting, getting that first kiss, illicit sex back in my hotel room and the naughty texts I get on my signal app that I know my husband will never see. It makes me feel alive. 

I've tried to give it all up, but life just feels a little boring. I know I run the risk of him finding out, but it's like a drug. How do I stop without feeling like there's something missing?

Anonymous

Dear anonymous,

Oh lordy what a pickle you've got yourself in! Now before we all get out our pitchforks and metaphorically burn you at the stake, let's take a deeper look at this rather scandalous question.

I can see how the thrill of these secret nude encounters might be highly addictive. Honestly. However, I reckon there's something deeper at play here…

It sounds like you're finding life a little dull without the thrill of the chase. Is it about the novelty and excitement, or is there something missing in your current relationship? Sometimes, what we think we're craving on the outside can actually be a sign that something inside needs attention.

Perhaps it's your self worth? Many people need that external validation to make them feel whole (I'm talking to you every married dude who has ever slid into my DMs!) but take it from me, with a little self-reflection you can find it in yourself. I know it all sounds a bit woo woo but it's true.

I think you should also consider having an open conversation with your husband about your needs and desires. It might seem daunting, but perhaps you could try doing some 'thrilling' things together. Like attending a swingers or getting it on somewhere you shouldn't (like a movie theatre). Doing these things together could help you avoid doing them in secret.

You might be surprised to find your husband has a naughty side that wants to come out as well. Pivot your thrills in a new (and more inclusive) direction and you may just save your relationship.