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Sixteen things you should NEVER say to a person with dementia
More than 13million Americans will have dementia by 2050, estimates suggest — more than double the number today.
The disease robs patients of their mental faculties, leaving them struggling to talk, express themselves and understand others.
And while communicating with someone suffering from the disease can be challenging, experts are seeking to help families connect with their loved ones.
Researchers have now revealed a list of 16 things you should never say to a dementia patient because they could cause them stress or confusion.
More than 13million Americans will have dementia by 2050, estimates suggest — more than double the number today (stock)
Dana Eble, outreach manager for the Alzheimer's Caregivers Network in Detroit, Michigan — who was not involved with the list, told Fox News: 'Most people do not have regular interactions with those living with dementia, so it can be hard to know the do's and don'ts of what to say and how to behave.
'Unfortunately, even the most well-meaning of interactions can lead to stress or confusion for someone experiencing cognitive decline.'
The complete list, mostly published in January this year, is revealed below:
1. Don't you remember
Experts placed this at the top of the list of questions never to ask a dementia patient.
They warned it could force a sufferer to acknowledge that they don't remember an event or conversation, making them feel uncomfortable, stressed or embarrassed.
The Alzheimer's Society also warned online that it could make them feel like 'they are being tested'.
Instead of posing this question, experts recommended starting a statement with 'I remember when' before continuing.
That way, a sufferer can search for a memory calmly without any feelings of stress or embarrassment — the experts said.
2. 'I've just told you that'
The second most important thing never to do with a dementia sufferer is to remind them that they have asked the same question, experts said.
Patients may do this because of short-term memory loss or as they are struggling to express a particular emotional need or desire.
Dementia sufferers may struggle to remember events, or express a memory
Experts warned that reminding them they have just asked the question earlier will not help them remember next time, but will remind them of their condition — which can be distressing.
They add: 'Bear in mind, that for them, it is likely to feel like the first time they have asked the question.'
Instead, families were recommended to answer repeated questions calmly and patiently with an even tone of voice.
In cases where someone feels they need a break, the experts said it would be best to remove themselves from the conversation.
3. 'Your brother died ten years ago'
A hallmark of dementia is struggling to remember events, including deaths within the family that happened years — or decades — ago.
'Reminding them of a loved one's death can be very painful, and they may react as though hearing the news for the first time all over again,' the Alzheimer's Society said.
Instead, they recommended talking to them about the person they are talking about and then distracting them by moving on to a new topic.
It could also be worth asking the individual how they are feeling, especially about a particular person or family member.
4. 'Let me do that for you'
Experts say that one of the hardest parts of dementia sufferers is the realization they can no longer do tasks that they used to complete with ease.
Christina Chartrand, Florida-based vice president of Senior Helpers — a home care company, said: 'Often, well-meaning individuals might prematurely take over tasks without asking or assessing if they need to, which can diminish the person's sense of autonomy.
'Instead of assuming that they can't do something, it's more respectful to offer help and let them tell you if they need it — and allow them to still do the things they can for as long as possible.'
Experts have suggested that dementia rates are set to rise in the US. But a study published in November 2022 suggested the opposite, saying the country's dementia rates had actually fallen by a third in the last decade
But the researchers, from the California-based RAND organization, did see a slight rise in cases among women
5. 'You're wrong'
Dementia sufferers can often get facts, events or words mixed up because of their condition.
But experts say you should never tell a sufferer that what they have said is incorrect, adding that trying to correct them will only likely cause anger.
Instead, families are advised to keep the peace and not correct them.
'Keep the peace,' said Dr Elizabeth Landsverk, a California-based geriatrician, 'people with dementia do not need to be corrected when they believe it's Tuesday the 13th and not Monday the 1st.'
6. 'Let’s have a cup of tea now, then after that we can go for nice walk and get lunch and something else to drink in that café you like next to the big church in town.'
Long and complex sentences are a no-no with dementia sufferers, say experts.
They can often be difficult to grasp, even for someone without the disease, and be challenging to process because they express several ideas at once.
Instead, people should use short and simple sentences to clearly express their ideas or give directions or instructions.
The Alzheimer's Society adds: 'Avoid speaking too much in loud or busy environments, and wait until you have the person's full attention before you start.
Some well-meaning comments can upset dementia sufferers, experts suggest
'During a conversation, give the person enough time to process what you are saying.'
7. 'What did you do this morning?'
People should avoid asking sufferers open-ended questions about the past, experts said.
'It could be stressful for a person with dementia if they can't remember the answer,' says the Alzheimer's Society.
'While it might seem polite to ask somebody about their day, it's better to focus on what's happening in the present.'
Instead of asking the question, experts said that you should speak briefly about your own day and then leave time for your relative to respond.
8. 'You seem fine'
Symptoms and experiences of dementia can vary greatly among sufferers, experts say.
'Society often has a preconceived notion of what dementia looks and acts like, and if someone doesn't fit that stereotype, it might seem tempting to use this phrase as a compliment, said Massachusetts-based licensed speech-language therapist Adria Thompson.
'However, this phrase can belittle the individual's daily struggle and experiences with it.'
9. 'Do you recognize me?'
It can be distressing for dementia sufferers when they are asked whether they remember someone, especially if they have a close relationship.
The Alzheimer's Society says online: 'Remember that it is likely to be upsetting for them to not recognize people around them too.
'Asking the person if they know who you are can make them feel guilty or anxious if they don't remember or offended if they do.'
Instead, they recommended greeting a dementia sufferer with a 'warm hello' and keeping it friendly.
Someone could also say their name and relationship to them, they said, to help the patient.
10. 'I'll just help you use your little spoon there, love?'
Speaking to a dementia sufferer like they are an old person or a child should generally be avoided, experts said.
This includes taking a high-pitched voice with them, and using words like 'love' and 'deary' — which can be patronizing and infantilizing.
Instead, they said it may be better to speak slower than usual or lower your tone if that will help the family member.
'Some people may like to be called "love" or "dear",' the Alzheimer's Society said, 'but unless you know the person it is usually best to use their name instead. This helps keep their dignity intact.'
11. 'You're not making any sense'
It is important not to criticize a dementia sufferer's communication because this can damage their self-esteem, experts said.
Instead, they suggested people should be patient and make an effort to understand their perspective.
12. 'You're being difficult on purpose'
This phrase can be seen as being hurtful and dismissive by a dementia patient.
Experts also warned that labeling a behavior as 'difficult' could increase frustration.
Instead, they recommended using 'empathy and understanding'.
13. Using words like "bib" or "diaper"
As the disease worsens, some patients may end up needing around the clock care.
This may include using products for patients to help them with incontinence or to make male times easier.
But, to avoid any child-like connotations, experts recommended using positive language for these products, instead calling them 'protective underwear', 'cloth' or 'apron', for example.
14. 'That's not how it happened'
This can also lead to a confused atmosphere in the home and increase distress or discomfort for a patient.
Instead, experts again say it is better not to correct their mistakes. They recommend gently guiding them towards the right answer, if possible.
15. 'Do you want [insert activity]?'
In some cases, dementia sufferers can feel bamboozled when activities are phrased as questions.
Kate Granigan, a geriatric social care worker in Boston, told FOX News: 'If you're the primary caregiver in charge of your loved one's toileting, showering, feeding or sleeping schedule, you should lead with "Let's go to the bathroom, shower, kitchen".
'Adding that bit of direction will help maintain their schedule.'
16. 'What would you like to wear today?'
Open-ended questions may be distressing to dementia sufferers.
Instead, they recommended laying out two options in front of them for the patient to choose from.
For example, laying out a red and a blue sweater and asking: 'Which one would you rather wear?'