DEAR JANE: I tricked my husband by doing something desperate in bed... Will he forgive me if I come clean?

Dear Jane,

I'm not proud of what I've done, but it's too late now and I really need your advice.

I met my husband when we were both 29 and got married two years later. Today we're 34.

From the start, one of the things I liked most about him was his focus on family.

On our third date we discussed wanting kids, how many we'd have and even what we'd name them.

But as time went on, life got in the way. I lost my job. We moved to be closer to our families and have been caring for his elderly parents.

Having kids seemed to be put on the backburner.

I've spent the past 18 months saying that I would love to start trying soon but my husband has brushed each conversation off.

DEAR JANE: I tricked my husband into getting pregnant. Will he leave me if I tell him?

He says he's not ready yet – that we should wait until we're more settled and financially secure.

I understand what he's saying but it's different for him. As a woman, I feel my biological clock ticking.

I didn't want to go down the egg-freezing route. It's expensive and I was worried it wouldn't work.

So, eight months ago, I came off birth control and I didn't tell my husband. I know it sounds bad but I really was getting desperate. Of course, we kept having sex as normal and now... I'm two months pregnant.

I'm terrified to tell him. I'm sure he'll be pleased about the baby, but I don't know whether I should admit what I did. It's really ruining the joy I feel about becoming a mother.

I've lied to him – or at least withheld the truth – and I feel terrible. But I also don't know if telling him is worth the upset. He's always wanted children and this might be the push he needed.

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column

So, what do I do, Jane? Should I lie and tell him it was just a happy accident? Or come clean and face the music?

From,

Hopeful Mother

Dear Hopeful Mother,

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy. 

It sounds like you've been waiting a long time, and I know how strong the pressure of that biological clock can be.

I am sorry that withholding the truth from your husband is putting a dent in your joy. That, unfortunately, is the problem with lying – there is always a consequence, and yours is turning out to be a rather heavy weight to bear.

I don't think there is a clear answer here. 

I firmly believe that secrets are sickness, and that we should attempt to live our lives honestly.

But I also believe that we should move through life attempting to cause as little damage as possible to all involved parties.

So I wonder if perhaps you wait. 

As much as you may want to unburden yourself so that you can move through this pregnancy unencumbered by a lie, I cannot see what good it will do to reveal this now.

Tell him it was a happy accident and let nature take its course. With any luck you will have a beautiful baby in a few months, and then you can decide whether you want to come clean.

I suspect that if you choose to tell him the full truth, it will be better received once the two of you have already fallen in love with your child.

Parenthood is magical – and once you have babies, any fuss about how they came to be will most likely seem irrelevant.