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How monogamous are you? Sex expert's 10-point scale shows where you are on the open relationship 'continuum'
There's no denying that polyamorous relationships are becoming more and more common in the current dating climate as many couples are initially meeting online and feel comfortable enough to be open about their preferences from the get go.
Popular dating apps such as Hinge and Bumble now give users the chance to share their preferences on their profiles, with the latter offering the option of 'ethical non-monogamy' to describe what you're 'looking for' in a potential romance.
But while single people are free to vocalize the type of relationship they wish to have, married individuals perhaps don't feel as though they are afforded the same luxury, with monogamy typically being seen as the default relationship norm.
Traditional monogamy may work for many couples, but it isn't necessarily suitable for everyone and a new survey conducted by the world's largest married dating site, Ashley Madison, has found that DNM (disclosed non-monogamy) relationships are becoming more and more popular amongst couples.
The Monogamy Continuum, a concept created by internationally acclaimed psychotherapist and sexologist Dr. Tammy Nelson, Ph. D, is somewhat of a spectrum that provides a better understanding of the fluid nature of human connection and adult relationships, and is also a space for exploration.
The Monogamy Continuum could be the key to saving an unhappy marriage or relationship (stock image)
With 10 different points on the continuum, individuals can identify where they land and better communicate their needs, not only to their partners, but also with others in their lives.
Speaking exclusively to DailyMail.com, Dr. Nelson explained: 'I call it open monogamy, instead of consensual non-monogamy, or ethical non-monogamy, because I think monogamy is not binary.
'It's not like you're just traditionally monogamous and closed, or wide open, polyamorous and anarchy. I think there is a lot of shades of gray in between, probably many more than 50, and many more than are on my continuum.
'But I think it's a way for people to think about their relationships and process, particularly in today's world of technology, what does it really mean to be monogamous in a way that works for them.'
The first point on the Monogamy Continuum is 'Closed,' which is when all sexual and emotional connection stays only between primary partners, whereas the second point 'Fantasy' means couples agree that fantasies of other people - including pornography - 'do not threaten the relationship.'
The third point 'Emotional' states that emotional relationships and romantic flirtations are acceptable, whereas 'Sexual' means that sexual and affectionate play with others, when both are present, is okay.
The fifth point 'Autonomous' is when couples are open to explore sexual and emotional connections with others, but their partner is 'still top priority.'
If a couple opts for 'Independent,' then they are free to explore sex with other people, 'with a don't ask, don't tell policy,' whereas 'Unlimited' means both partners are allowed unlimited sexual or emotional relationships with others.
The Monogamy Continuum features 10 different points including Autonomous and Poly
More and more couples are open a disclosed non-monogamy relationship instead of cheating behind their partner's back (stock image)
'Poly' is the eighth point on the Monogamy Continuum and allows someone to form physical, emotional, affectionate, romantic, and bonded relationships with multiple partners.
'Relationship Anarchy' is described as there being 'no hierarchal primary or secondary partners; anything goes,' while the final point 'Detached' is when 'one or both partners pull away from the partnership and the other must react.'
Stressing the importance of communication when it comes to the Monogamy Continuum, Dr. Nelson said: 'I think the key here is, because everyone has their own idea, that it's really up to the couple to decide - which is why I call it open monogamy.
Dr. Tammy Nelson is a sex and relationship expert, psychotherapist, and author
'It's an open conversation. It should be a fluid and flexible agreement, because for example, what I wanted at 18 is different than what I want now in my 60s, and I think everyone should revisit that often enough, just like we have to renew our passport!
'If you can have those conversations, you might never even have to do anything, just talking about it might be enough, like that might be sexy enough for both of you and you might not ever have to take anything into action,' she added.
The survey, which is based on 3,463 Ashley Madison member respondents surveyed between May 22 and June 12, 2024, found that less than half (48 per cent) of Americans identify as fully monogamous on the monogamy continuum.
The top two reasons why people choose to be in a DNM relationship is the same for both genders, but with a different emphasis as the survey discovered that 43 per cent of women wanted to increase the amount of sexual pleasure in their lives versus 57 per cent of men.
Meanwhile, 24 per cent of women said that they tried monogamy but it wasn't working for them and wanted to experiment with other options compared to 17 per cent of men.
According to the survey, women on Ashley Madison said that the opportunity to have more of their needs met was the main benefit of DNM relationships, whereas men using the app are more likely to choose a DNM relationship for greater sexual satisfaction.
Dr. Nelson suggested that sometimes when a person has an affair, it can be somewhat of a 'wake-up call' for their partner, and insisted that it doesn't have to be the end of a marriage or relationship.
'It can be the beginning of an honest conversation about what each partner wants in the relationship,' she explained.
Dr. Nelson suggested that sometimes when a person has an affair, it can be somewhat of a 'wake up call' for their partner (stock image)
'When a partner strays, they don't necessarily look for another person, they look to be another person. They want to feel something new. Their spouse or primary partner wants to feel something new, and better, as well.
'Creating a new monogamy agreement going forward can bring new life to a partnership. Instead of trying to go back to the old relationship they had prior to the affair, a new monogamy agreement can signify the beginning of a whole new way of talking and communicating, with new options, new potential, and a stronger relationship.'
But it's worth noting that rules can help keep healthy boundaries in place for individuals in DNM relationships.
Thirty-five per cent of respondents said they had decided with their primary partner not to pursue romantic connections with people in their social circles, while 31 per cent said they had boundaries in place regarding emotional connections, and that only physical connections with others were agreed upon in their relationship.
Meanwhile, 37 per cent said they followed a 'don't ask, don't tell' approach where both are aware that they are seeing other people, but do not divulge details. And 17 per cent said they did not have any rules in their relationship altogether.
Dr. Nelson also stressed that couples 'don't have to be locked into anything' when it comes to disclosed non-monogamy.
'You can try it, and then you can have another discussion, and you can say, "you know what, this isn't working for us." You don't have to do it forever, like you can just try things and then veto it,' he said.
When asked what she hopes couples will take away from the Monogamy Continuum, Dr. Nelson replied: 'I'd like them to know that there's options for them. This is not your grandmother's monogamy, you don't have to have the same relationship that your mother had, or your grandmother, or your grand great grandmother.
'We're in a whole new generation of relationship, and you have a choice of how you want your life to be and no one else can decide. However the two of you, or the three of you or whatever... maybe you're single and you want to be solo poly, you get to decide, no one can decide for you. Not your church or your government or your neighbors.
'There really is a freedom today that we're so lucky to have, that we get to make those choices, and a lot of the restrictions are in our head that we've inherited.'