Seven ways YOU are ruining your relationship: Love Island guru ANNABELLE KNIGHT has helped thousands of couples - she's seen these bad habits cause the most break-ups

When people think about why relationships end, they tend to get caught up on big issues like infidelity or financial strain.

But the reality is different. Many couples break up not because of one dramatic bust-up, but due to underlying patterns of behaviour that slowly eat away at trust and communication.

Nobody knows this better than Annabelle Knight, Love Island and Lovehoney’s intimacy expert. Having been a couples coach for decades, she’s seen plenty of relationships poisoned by niggling negative patterns, rather than one particular dramatic catalyst.

So what are some of the toxic traits that cause relationships to break down? 

Annabelle has shared seven of the bad habits she commonly comes across and has suggested how you can set about resolving them.

Annabelle Knight has shared seven of the bad habits she commonly comes across

SULKING

There are few worse things in a relationship than someone who refuses to communicate when they’re upset, Annabelle says.

‘When faced with conflict or criticism, many people shut down or turn to walk away and “be the bigger person”,’ Annabelle explains. ‘In fact, all they’re doing is inflicting cold punishment on their other half.

‘Silence never solves anything. You need to communicate your feelings, which often involves having difficult conversations. But they must happen, or else nobody’s actions will change and you’ll continue having the same arguments repeatedly.’

If faced with a sulking partner, Annabelle advises that you address it head-on, but stay ‘extremely mindful of your tone’.

‘The aim of the conversation is to get your partner to open up about why they’re upset, explaining you can’t be left guessing what’s wrong.

'But this needs to be done in a calming way and without inferring blame or else rows can escalate even further.’

MOCKING

It’s normal for there to be a bit of banter between partners, Annabelle explains, but it’s easy for this to tip into contempt and make the partner on the receiving end feel worthless.

‘Being sarcastic, mocking or simply rolling your eyes can make your other half feel as though they aren’t worth listening to and eat away at their self- esteem,’ she adds.

When it’s raised, some people fall into the trap of passing it off as a bit of fun. ‘It may have started that way,’ Annabelle concedes, ‘but if your partner is telling you it’s going too far and hurting them, you have to listen.

‘Ask yourself, “Is this how I want to behave? Would I be happy with my partner talking to me like this?”’ Annabelle suggests. ‘Don’t make excuses, but take your partner’s feelings at face value.

'Once someone is aware of how their behaviour is affecting their partner, there’s no excuse for them not to alter their actions.’

POOR LISTENING

We can all be guilty of nodding along when someone’s talking while doing other things and not really taking in what they’re saying. But Annabelle says it’s important to make time to solely focus on your partner’s words without sitting on your phone or the like.

'Actually talking is how we learn to understand our other half: their quirks, patterns, habits and desires.’ 

If someone feels as though they’re being ignored, Annabelle adds, it’s an instant way to make them feel as though they – and your relationship – are unimportant.

‘When your partner speaks,’ she advises, ‘stop the other things you’re doing, be intentional with your listening by asking questions, and give them your full attention.’ 

Annabelle is an intimacy expert for Love Island (pictured, the 2024 line-up)

Annabelle Knight says a partner might not stick around if they find you’re consistently pushing the blame on to them

DODGING BLAME

As tempting as it can be to dodge blame in an argument, nobody is right all of the time.

‘It can be difficult to accept when you’ve done something wrong,’ Annabelle concedes, ‘but your partner is not to blame for all the arguments or issues that crop up in your relationship.’

It’s human nature to want to defend your actions, but if you find yourself always casting blame, Annabelle says it’s time to 'work on accepting responsibility for your actions.’

A partner might not stick around if they find you’re consistently pushing the blame on to them, she adds.

It may feel uncomfortable at first, but having the ‘maturity and humility to admit when you’re wrong is the key to a healthy relationship’, because it helps your partner understand that you care, and are willing to work on yourself to improve your relationship.

CONSTANTLY COMPARING

‘Comparison is the thief of joy,’ Annabelle states. Sure, we all have moments when we feel a little jealous, but ‘emotionally healthy people can celebrate the success and happiness of others without feeling threatened’.

‘Constantly comparing your relationship or partner to others leads to negativity, bitterness, and them feeling as though they’re not offering you enough.’

'Social media has a lot to answer for here,’ Annabelle admits. ‘But when you’re comparing your life to someone else’s, remember that you’re only seeing one picture-perfect snippet that they’ve chosen to share online.’

'You never know what’s going on behind doors, so focus on what you can control, like cultivating healthy habits within your own relationship.’

BEING UNGRATEFUL

When you live with someone, it can be easy to grow accustomed to and overlook the little things they do for you.

‘It’s important to return kindness, whether that’s in the form of a thank you or another appreciative gesture,’ Annabelle explains. ‘It fosters warmth, connection and positivity.’

'If that doesn’t happen resentment and discontent can grow,’ she explains, ‘even when it’s just little things like forgetting to thank them for a cup of coffee every morning.’

‘Don’t hold back on thanking your partner for the little things they do to make you feel loved. Their kindness shouldn’t go unnoticed.’

EXPECTING UNREALISTIC THINGS

Even the healthiest of relationships have rough patches, Annabelle explains.

‘You can communicate your expectations and boundaries openly and clearly,’ she says, ‘but there’s still a good chance your partner won’t meet them all of the time. They're human, after all!’

Whatever social media suggests, it’s unrealistic to expect someone to be perfect 100 per cent of the time.

‘If you have unrealistic expectations, you may start to feel frustrated, disappointed and resentful when your partner inevitably fails to fulfil them.’

The key is open and kind communication. ‘Work on identifying things you expect from your partner, but be sure to ask them whether they feel these are things they can offer. It’s all about compromise and patience.’